Essay Writing Skills? (1 Viewer)

[HMF]

Just checking with you guys. I'm tad worried iam not writing very well at the moment. Could you guys have a look and see if what I'm writing is decent.

"Hitchcock constructs an ironically confined setting within the metropolis of New York City, through the cacophonous diagetic and non-diagetic soundtrack of Rear Window. The score reinforces the façade of truth, which is represented through Waxman's ability to change musical components to hinder the audience's accretion of auditory evidence, emphasizing the accumulation of mystery and ambiguity. Concurrently this exists with prominence of Voyeurism within the text. . ."

I didn't want to write it all down -__-.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

[absorber]

Just checking with you guys. I'm tad worried iam not writing very well at the moment. Could you guys have a look and see if what I'm writing is decent.

"Hitchcock constructs an ironically confined setting within the metropolis of New York City, through the cacophonous diagetic and non-diagetic soundtrack of Rear Window. The score reinforces the façade of truth, which is represented through Waxman's ability to change musical components to hinder the audience's accretion of auditory evidence, emphasizing the accumulation of mystery and ambiguity. Concurrently this exists with prominence of Voyeurism within the text. . ."

I didn't want to write it all down -__-.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Is that a joke? People have told me I write well, and I could barely understand some of the words you used. Awesome vocab, I don't see any problem

 

[naisAtoN]

You write well and (at least from what you've shown here) seem to have a great vocabulary. But you should consider that in the HSC, markers are often just looking for you to get straight to the point.

Consider that these markers sit there for hours on end and just want to be able to read a clear and concise essay that ticks all the boxes. There's a difference between sophistication and unnecessary jibber. Using 10 big words in each sentence isn't necessarily going to get you marked up. Instead, it may actually hinder the flow of your responses.

You write wonderfully, but purely for the purposes of the HSC perhaps try to be more concise. Also, avoiding unnecessary words / long sentences will probably help you write more in a time limit.

 

[Absolutezero]

Obvious Troll is Obvious,

However:
You've said a lot , while really saying very little. A couple of questions to ask yourself, to see if you've answered them:

Why is the closed in setting ironic?

What is the actual change in musical coponents? Is it tone, tempo, instruments, pitch, usage, vocals, effected diagetic audio?

How does the lack of music add the the ambiguity?

Also, check for Americanizations in your spelling. I can see at least one offhand.

 

[naisAtoN]

Obvious Troll is Obvious,

You've said a lot , while really saying very little. A couple of questions to ask yourself, to see if you've answered them:

Why is the closed in setting ironic?

What is the actual change in musical coponents? Is it tone, tempo, instruments, pitch, usage, vocals, effected diagetic audio?

How does the lack of music add the the ambiguity?

This.

Also, check for Americanizations in your spelling. I can see at least one offhand.

I believe this in itself is also an Americanisation. Possibly intentional?

 

[absorber]

Just maybe LOL

 

[lychnobity]

Obvious Troll is Obvious,

However:
You've said a lot , while really saying very little. A couple of questions to ask yourself, to see if you've answered them:

Why is the closed in setting ironic?

What is the actual change in musical coponents? Is it tone, tempo, instruments, pitch, usage, vocals, effected diagetic audio?

How does the lack of music add the the ambiguity?

Also, check for Americanizations in your spelling. I can see at least one offhand.

+1

1) I loathe the American spelling.
2) Verbose - there is a goddamned excess of the following: the, this, is
3) Not contributing to any 'argument'
4) Not cohesive - the sentences don't seem to interrelate very well, and generally are 'weak'

The score reinforces the façade of truth, which is represented through Waxman's ability to change musical components to hinder the audience's accretion of auditory evidence, emphasizing the accumulation of mystery and ambiguity

This needs to be shortened drastically, the ratio of words to effectiveness is astronomic.

 

[Absolutezero]

I believe this in itself is also an Americanisation. Possibly intentional?

Definitely intentional.

 

[Sarah182]

I don't think your writing ability is the worry....
It's the fact you say NOTHING!

 

[untouchablecuz]

english muthaf*ker

do u speak it

 

[Maoky]

Beating around the bush too much, mate. Start speaking aussie.

 

[naisAtoN]

"Hitchcock constructs an ironically confined setting within the metropolis of New York City, through the cacophonous diagetic and non-diagetic soundtrack of Rear Window. The score reinforces the façade of truth, which is represented through Waxman's ability to change musical components to hinder the audience's accretion of auditory evidence, emphasizing the accumulation of mystery and ambiguity. Concurrently this exists with prominence of Voyeurism within the text. . ."

Beating around the bush too much, mate. Start speaking aussie.

That's right. We should encourage the world at large to be writing responses like this:

gday. the movies set in a city in america and the music is good and stuff.the soundtrack makes you think about crime and shit, and how like, weird it can be and stuff. its like the guy in the movie is spying on his neighbour or something so it also makes you think about spying. mate.

 

[shcottydont]

That's right. We should encourage the world at large to be writing responses like this:

gday. the movies set in a city in america and the music is good and stuff.the soundtrack makes you think about crime and shit, and how like, weird it can be and stuff. its like the guy in the movie is spying on his neighbour or something so it also makes you think about spying. mate.

hang on - you didnt mention beer

if anything is aussie it MUST include beer
such as 'the lack of beer in the movie and only one reference to grog and its like brandy at that'

PS you have far too much grammar for it to be aussie



and back on topic - you write well, only problem is it almost seems like your using metalanguage, for the sake of metalanguage. this will not gain you any friends with the markers. It may even look as if you are showing off (bad idea)

 

[naisAtoN]

hang on - you didnt mention beer

if anything is aussie it MUST include beer
such as 'the lack of beer in the movie and only one reference to grog and its like brandy at that'

PS you have far too much grammar for it to be aussie

Lol, it was hard enough for me to write it as it was, let alone even thinking about taking out more grammar.

 

[I.refuse.a.name]

Just checking with you guys. I'm tad worried iam not writing very well at the moment. Could you guys have a look and see if what I'm writing is decent.

"Hitchcock constructs an ironically confined setting within the metropolis of New York City, through the cacophonous diagetic and non-diagetic soundtrack of Rear Window. The score reinforces the façade of truth, which is represented through Waxman's ability to change musical components to hinder the audience's accretion of auditory evidence, emphasizing the accumulation of mystery and ambiguity. Concurrently this exists with prominence of Voyeurism within the text. . ."

I didn't want to write it all down -__-.
Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

As mentioned before, if you are going to suggest the setting is ironic you need to explain why it is ironic. Saying that is through the discordance of sounds doesn't really demonstrate to me much, first you need to clarify what the irony is, then you can say this is demonstrated through the cacophony of sounds of whatever. You clearly have a vast vocabulary/ access to a thesaurus, but verbosity gets nowhere if you don't add clarity (by the way I often have this problem but if you're not clear, it adds nothing to your argument.)

You need to work on your expression more, even if it compromises the range of your vocabulary demonstrated. Most of the words you used are familiar to me, but I had to read it a few times to try and understand your point. I don't know if it's because you've only shown a few sentences but it feels a little disjointed. You should go into more depth about your ideas, because for example you stated the facade of truth is "reinforced" but it doesn't sound like you've introduced this idea earlier so it's only "conveyed" sort of thing rather than "reinforced". Then again, I only read these few sentences so maybe your overall clarity of your essay is much clearer.

Good luck either way