Taoism: shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucious says, shit happens.
Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism: let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it.
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?
Pantheism: it's all the same shit.
Atheism: I don't believe this shit.