Heres my Creative Writing peice. Im shit at english so please give me the harshest feedback possible so i can learn xD
Stimulus: ‘The wall was not only a physical barrier. It was psychological too’
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Gavin hammers against the wall. He uses all the strength that his 6 foot body can muster. Thud. Thud! He collapses against the wall. He glances down at his hands. They are starting to blister.
“Maybe a small break won’t hurt” he decided.
Gavin fidgets around in the dark to get comfortable. No luck. He is in a room, no windows, no walls. Just a hammer. He just needs to break this wall down, he needs to escape. Why must everything be so difficult for him?
When he was told he was being admitted to a mental institution, he was confused.
He wondered “Why. Why are they doing this to me? I’m not crazy, just different.”
“Could they be right...?”
So he did what seemed logical at the time. He ran. He didn’t stop running. He couldn’t stop. They would find him if he stopped. He must keep running...
Thud. Thud. Thud. Back at it again.
Crack! A small piece of concrete chips off. He is getting excited. Thud. Crack. Crack. Crack!
Gavin wasn’t sure of the exact time, yet it must be at least 5 hours since he started this mission.
He was now getting somewhere. The concrete which comprised the wall was slowly chipping away.
Gavin never had many friends during primary school. He isolated himself from others. He was a quiet kid, never said much to anyone. Most avoided him. His parents didn’t help the situation either. His mum and dad neglected him, most days not even acknowledging his existence. They were too busy with their jobs and social lives to even consider the fact that their son was struggling to fit in.
Thud. Thud. Still at it.
Gavin hears an incoherent voice beyond the wall.
He subconsciously thought “Could it be them? Should I stop digging? Is there anyone actually there?”
High school was a whole new world for Gavin. He wanted to start off fresh in High school, make friends, you know, be normal. But the others from his previous school had other plans for him. They continued the assault of insults that he was so explicitly exposed to in primary school. Everything was so much different. Gone were the days when people called him a loner. These were the days where his state of mind hit home. They even had a name for people like him. Freak.
Thud. Thud. Crack!
A shimmer of light escapes a crack in the wall. Gavin notices this and starts desperately thrashing away at the wall, trying to get out. More and more of the wall crumbles at his feet; the once dark room is being flooded with light. He drops the hammer and starts ripping pieces of the wall of and throwing them aside in a crazed frenzy. He removes the remaining concrete scraps from the wall. He drops to his knees. The light emitted by the next stage of his life is overwhelming.
He Crawls through... Into the unknown.
As he passes through the threshold he is greeted by a very familiar surface. It is hard and damp yet it irradiates a warm feeling from it. He glances around. He is in another room. No doors, no windows. Yet there is a picture hanging from the wall. It is a picture of a meadow, full of life. There is a quote under it which reads “the grass is always greener on the other side”.
He ponders this for a minute and then moves over to one side of the room. He spots a hammer.
Any comments, criticism or help improving it would be very much appreciated
Thanks ^^
Stimulus: ‘The wall was not only a physical barrier. It was psychological too’
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Gavin hammers against the wall. He uses all the strength that his 6 foot body can muster. Thud. Thud! He collapses against the wall. He glances down at his hands. They are starting to blister.
“Maybe a small break won’t hurt” he decided.
Gavin fidgets around in the dark to get comfortable. No luck. He is in a room, no windows, no walls. Just a hammer. He just needs to break this wall down, he needs to escape. Why must everything be so difficult for him?
When he was told he was being admitted to a mental institution, he was confused.
He wondered “Why. Why are they doing this to me? I’m not crazy, just different.”
“Could they be right...?”
So he did what seemed logical at the time. He ran. He didn’t stop running. He couldn’t stop. They would find him if he stopped. He must keep running...
Thud. Thud. Thud. Back at it again.
Crack! A small piece of concrete chips off. He is getting excited. Thud. Crack. Crack. Crack!
Gavin wasn’t sure of the exact time, yet it must be at least 5 hours since he started this mission.
He was now getting somewhere. The concrete which comprised the wall was slowly chipping away.
Gavin never had many friends during primary school. He isolated himself from others. He was a quiet kid, never said much to anyone. Most avoided him. His parents didn’t help the situation either. His mum and dad neglected him, most days not even acknowledging his existence. They were too busy with their jobs and social lives to even consider the fact that their son was struggling to fit in.
Thud. Thud. Still at it.
Gavin hears an incoherent voice beyond the wall.
He subconsciously thought “Could it be them? Should I stop digging? Is there anyone actually there?”
High school was a whole new world for Gavin. He wanted to start off fresh in High school, make friends, you know, be normal. But the others from his previous school had other plans for him. They continued the assault of insults that he was so explicitly exposed to in primary school. Everything was so much different. Gone were the days when people called him a loner. These were the days where his state of mind hit home. They even had a name for people like him. Freak.
Thud. Thud. Crack!
A shimmer of light escapes a crack in the wall. Gavin notices this and starts desperately thrashing away at the wall, trying to get out. More and more of the wall crumbles at his feet; the once dark room is being flooded with light. He drops the hammer and starts ripping pieces of the wall of and throwing them aside in a crazed frenzy. He removes the remaining concrete scraps from the wall. He drops to his knees. The light emitted by the next stage of his life is overwhelming.
He Crawls through... Into the unknown.
As he passes through the threshold he is greeted by a very familiar surface. It is hard and damp yet it irradiates a warm feeling from it. He glances around. He is in another room. No doors, no windows. Yet there is a picture hanging from the wall. It is a picture of a meadow, full of life. There is a quote under it which reads “the grass is always greener on the other side”.
He ponders this for a minute and then moves over to one side of the room. He spots a hammer.
Any comments, criticism or help improving it would be very much appreciated
Thanks ^^
