dealing with the hard stuff (1 Viewer)

[alby]

i'm over crying, but i still feel somewhere between very upset and just numb.

yesterday morning, dad told the family that he's decided to leave...and i just got a call from him to say that he's going now

he was on a 4wd trip to WA & the top end for 2 months..got home at the start of this month. while he was there, he met this lady from syd...they became quite close and everything, and he thinks he loves her.
mum and dad've been together for almost 26 years...they've only really been friends for a while, but still, i dont really get how a 53 year old father of 2, can meet some woman a couple of times (to date, they've known eachother for probably 6-8 weeks), and decide that he loves her & almost automatically move to sydney to be with her (he's going to find a place near her).

i know it must've been really hard for him to get up the courage to tell us, but its a hell of a lot harder for us to hear it and a couple of hours later have him packing all of his stuff up mum was really numb yesterday, i'm not too sure how my brother's handelling it right now (he was surprisingly ok yesterday), and i've tried to stay out of the place and do stuff to keep my mind off it all. its gonna be pretty hard/weird having him home again on saturday for my brother's bday (he's 22 on wed).

anyone who's been there, how on earth do you deal/cope with it???

 

[AntiHyper]

Hmm it's the simillar thing with my parents except they were younger when they left each other. It was when they were about 43 or 44 and I was 14.

Different circumstances though, I'm already in Aus while my dad's still back in indonesia. They had a formal separation with the court hearings and all that but they told to both parents to still take care of me the same way as before.

I didn't lose anything, so it was okay. Even now and then when we return to visit my dad they would still chat and be friends.

-Now going to ur story-
So he was having a trip and met this lady so I assumed they had sex several times while they're up there too. It could be just a temporary thing but it would cause huge disruptions to the family life i guess.

A question, does your mum have a job and can somewhat support the family?

 

[alby]

anti: i doubt they had sex, but he did say they kissed a couple of times (they only met up a few times when he was up there)

mum's a retired nurse, she doesnt want to return caus she hurt her back. i'm not entirely sure what we're going to do money-wise...we're kinda well off, we've been getting regular stock divedends & money from the cab dad's leasing out. mum's going to have to find something she's interested in before she starts thinking about a job

lady frost: thanks

 

[sweet_as]

Alby: i'd say you'll be upset numb for a little while yet, its ok to be sad for a bit as it is only natural.

Unfortunately, I'd say one of the hardest things you may have to cope with will be your dad coming back home for ur bro's birthday. I must admit, it was pretty hard for me the first christmas after my father left home - it was really akward and very upsetting to see what was happening around me (I was only 13 at the time). Emotions could come out, or they could be hidden for your brother's bday.

At the end of it all, time will heal ur wounds, and ur feelings of hurt are only temporary. The only advice I can give is to try and get through things as best as u can. If you want to cry, then cry. Let ur parents know how u are feeling if u are up to it. Be a shoulder to cry on for ur mum if she needs it - it will help both of u out.

I hope all goes well for u.

 

[Snow Pea!]

*hugshugshugshugs*

the same thing happened to my friend... 10 or so years ago.
i know its a hard thing to take, but just remember that it is easier to sort through it now, instead of not letting your feelings and thoughts out and letting it hurt you for a long time. my mate still hasnt talked through it with anyone, and is bitter about the situation. but she refuses to. :/
its going to be hard for a while, but keep your chin up.


sorry i cant really offer good advice

 

[katy-g]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}​

It's going to hurt for a LONG time. I remember having days where i thought i wasn't going to leave through the sadness. And slowly you have bad days and days which arent so bad. It will never be ok that he's gone, but i promise it does get easier.

Even now, 6 years on, for me it hurts to talk... back then it hurt to breathe. I felt betrayed. My own father preferred a life without me, my mother or my sister. The 22 years of marriage to my mother meant nothing.... Nothing at all...

It took me almost four years to realise that i was angry with him. It took a lot of counselling for me to say that out loud, and even more for me to finally confront him about it. But i hated 'her' (his new partner) more then i hated him. I blamed her for everything, and part of me still does to this day. But i learned something very valuable only recently...

Relationships are so fragile. Despite how strong you think a bond is with someone there is always something had can have the potential to break that bond. My parent's divorce amounted from the fact that my Mum cared about us kids more then she did about my dad. Or at least thats how he felt. But my mum loved him, and still does and always will... but the sooner you accept that it wasn't meant to be the easier it gets.

The last time i remember being really angry at the whole situation was 6 months ago. I saw my dad and his new partner in a restaurant by chance and he was holding her hand and smiling. It only hit me then that he was happier with her then he ever was with us, and despite how much it hurt me to loose my father... at least i know he's happy.

And my Mum has become such a stronger person, she deserves more then he could ever give her. And despite those nights when i can still hear her crying in bed... i know that shes slowly getting by, moving on...

And me, i see him once in a while. I can only handle small doses. But before i reach for hate i remember all the drama that was around we he was in our lives and how much happier it all is now...

It will never be ok that he's gone, but i promise it does get easier.

 

[alby]

thanks for all the support guys. i know it will be hard, espically now, but hopefully things get a bit better. right now i'm just doing stuff to keep my mind off it.

i was thinking about it today when i was at my bf's place, mid-hug...this is one thing i just couldnt do, to my partner, to my kids, to anyone. i'm not saying that divorce isnt a part of life, that'd be stupid...but having the only reason you leave to be someone else, that's kinda stupid imo. why not leave when things start to lose their spark? (i cant really talk atm, but i am anyway..not like he can bag me out about it)


i think i'll always love my dad, but its still gonna be really bloody hard to know that things arent going to be the same

 

[MoonlightSonata]

I'm very sorry to here about that alby. I hope you're okay. It is obviously a very difficult time for you.

Spend lots of time with your friends and boyfriend, and of course don't forget to take care of your mum.

I'm not sure how these things happen. Maybe it's a mid life crisis.

Best of luck dealing with everything.

 

[bubz :D]

I'm very sorry to here about that alby. I hope you're okay. It is obviously a very difficult time for you.

Spend lots of time with your friends and boyfriend, and of course don't forget to take care of your mum.

I'm not sure how these things happen. Maybe it's a mid life crisis.

Best of luck dealing with everything.

as usual, brent says it best.

my dad and stepmother had a massive fall-out a few months ago that was also absolutely shocking (and caused the rift between my stepmum and me to grow 19831929 times bigger, when i heard the things that came out of her mouth), and it really is incredibly hard to deal with.

*bearhugs*

 

[alby]

I'm not sure how these things happen. Maybe it's a mid life crisis.

more of a reason to leave than a midlife crisis methinks...but still, really shit anyway.

*millions of massive hugs to everyone* thanks


ps. bubzie: sexy dp