lindsaybelle said:
hey i've been told numerous times that my writing is way too convoluted and needs to be a lot more succinct. i've been trying really really hard but apparently i'm still waffling. does nayone have any suggestions on how i can address this issue?
thanks
First things first. Prioritise what is important. This most important part of an AOS essay is communicate the concept through the synthesis of texts. If in doubt, take it out! If it doesn't relate to the concept/your thesis, take it out. If you are confused yourself, take it out. Etc etc.
E.g. Borat is humourous text which follows the journey of two men from Kazakstan as they travel by road across the states of America to develop cultural understanding.
The funniest part of the text is when Borat is trying to effectively use the sarcasm of the word 'not'. The concept of belonging reflected is cultural paradigms (e.g. American humour as a sub-cultural paradigm) and values (socioeconomic superiority) as a means of differentiation and alienation.
Okay, not the best example. The first is not directly related to belonging but is used as an 'ice-breaker', introductory sentence. The second sentence is irrelevant for two reasons. (1) It is not related to belonging. (2) It is subjective and not backed up with supporting evidence.
Ask yourself, what role does the sentence play in the scheme of things. Does it summarise, explain, identify? Does it relate to the rest of the paragraph? The thesis? The concept of belonging?
