I've sort of split it up .. some parts are missing. HTH.
When a text explores an imaginative journey, the composer is able to communicate effectively the process of the journey
How?
and it can be seen that the course of the journey has a more profound influence on the responder than the final destination, communicating the notion that a journey is not so much where you go, but what happens along the way.
Try to rephrase the question rather than restate it. This indicates immediately that you have actually understood the question and aren’t just waffling on.
Coleridge’s poetry, the stimulus booklet text The Ivory Trail by Victor Kelleher and Amelie directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet all effectively communicate the power of the imagination to explore the process of the journey,
Again, how? It is not enough to merely list the texts in your introduction.
thus reflecting the notion that a journey is not so much about where you go, but what occurs along the way.
And again try to rephrase the question, or use your previous interpretation.
Coleridge held the power of the imagination in high esteem, believing it to be a balance of discordant elements such as sameness with difference and innovation with convention.
Is this a quote? (It’d make a really good quote.)
Frost at Midnight is a “conversation” poem in which ...
Grammatically this sentence needs work! : ) but I’m being pedantic. Be careful with how your topic sentences are structured; if they are not clear enough the rest of the paragraph will lack direction.
Essentially, the persona’s transformation from nostalgic and yearning to optimistic and exuberant occurs as a result of the process of his imaginative journey, and there is indeed no concrete destination, highlighting the notion that a journey is not so much about where you go, but what happens along the way.
I think that this part can be integrated into the rest of your argument here. You are pretty much restating your topic sentence, rather than developing the argument, and you won’t have time in the exam to do that. Make your point, jump straight into the meaty bit (ie. The techniques and examples).
It’s good to explain how this particular poem answers the question, but make it brief.
The imaginative journey is triggered by the flickering ash, a symbol of Coleridge’s fragile childhood, thus initiating the journey into his memories. The use of nostalgic language in the second stanza emphasises his emotional journey, “Save if the door half opened and I snatched a hasty glance, and still my heart leaped up, for still I hoped to see the stranger’s face”.
Personally I prefer bits of quotes which support your argument to several lines which force the reader to try to interpret your argument. Perhaps I’m being vague. A rephrase:
‘The nostalgia evident in the second stanza emphasises the poet’s emotional journey: snatching “a hasty glance”, he yearns for the past (“the stranger’s face”)..’ (And I hope the past is the stranger, cause I have never read Coleridge – but you get my point)
Strong emotive verbs connoting fear and desperation, “snatched”, “leaped” and “hoped” communicate the strength of the imagination to evoke passion and sentiment along the process of the journey.
Here you’re emphasising your argument with a further example, so link the two using a word like ‘also’. (‘also communicate the strength..’)
Be careful also that you are not just talking about the journey of the narrator, if it is also intended to be a journey of the responder. Are those words merely to evoke emotions for the person undertaking the journey in the poem, or are they also intended to alter the reader’s perspective?
Essentially, the persona’s emotional journey within his imagination dictates the structure of the poem...
I have trouble visualising imagination reverting.. but hm
Essentially, the return to the wintry images of the poem’s beginning signal a full revolution. The notion that imaginative journeys are constant, with no definite beginning or end is emphasised, and it becomes evident that their importance lies in the process.
Not constant; constant indicates no change. I think you’re trying to say that there appears to be no fixed beginning or end? Try something like enduring?
The stimulus booklet graphic The Ivory Trail by Victor Kelleher shares this idea that...
IMO this vagueness should be thrown into the introduction or conclusion. Jump into the argument.
The ambiguity of the imaginative journey depicted in The Ivory Trail is...
Can’t fault this, but why have you written so much about the first Coleridge and not nearly as much about The Ivory Trail? In the format you have chosen to write your essay (ie. Text-by-text) it is probably better to at least appear to have an equal amount of argument for each of them. Either that or my tearing apart of your first bit made it seem heaps longer than it was
Coleridge’s poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner presents...
Whoa (I only noticed!) long paragraph much! Split it up into several arguments. Maybe this is why the first text seemed so long...
A life-long, ongoing imaginative journey like that of the Ancient Mariner is explored in the film Amelie, directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet.
Yay! You’ve started to associate the texts with one another. Try to keep this up throughout your essay rather than merely at the start of each new point. Also – I forgot to mention this above – if you’ve already mentioned the author/director in the introduction you need not waste time writing their name again (in an exam situation).
The power of the imagination to enrich and allow for exploration of the real world is highlighted in this film.
Vague sentence.
Throughout the film, there are constant close angle camera shots on Amelie’s face, and ...
Another long sentence. Be wary of commas.
The presence of a voice over throughout the film also allows the responder to delve into Amelie’s imagination...
Uber long paragraph!
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Some little things. Perhaps too much bread. More meat. Why am I talking about food? I’m hungry. I’m aware someone said this was about 1500 words? You need to pare off the excess – not in quality but in content. If you write too much about ‘process journey imagination’ then markers MAY miss the good parts because they’re thinking ‘hmm she’s going on about imaginative processes again..’. It’s not a bad thing to mention them occasionally – to keep the marker on track – but not once every paragraph.
As others have said you probably need to integrate your texts. If you do not do this in the format of talking simultaneously about several texts (which is supposedly a ‘better’ way of writing essays – debatable!) then you will need some kind of comparison somewhere. You have a lot of features which double up – imagery, word play, rhyming, journey concepts – so it will not be hard for you.
I wonder how much sense this made. Lunchtime for me
