LOOK OUT: The FAMILY GUY Quote Thread (2 Viewers)

[Trigger189]

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's, that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!
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Peter: Ok Callaghan. If you don't put "Gumbel 2 Gumbel" back on the air, then I'm going on a hunger strike. That's right, a hunger strike. Think you can live with that on your conscience?
'*They look at each other nervously*
Peter: You gonna eat that Stapler?
Callaghan: Well, you can't eat a Sta...
Peter: Wanna split it?
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Lois: sometimes ur such a child
Peter: A CHILD AM I!? well, if i'm a child you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and i'll be dammed if i have to stay here with a pervert
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Peter: Lois, sometimes it's good to swear.
(Peter has a flashback. He's in a court room)
Court Marshall: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?
Peter: I do..... ya Bastard.


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[chepas]

Family Guy still exists? Where? I saw one season then Channel 7 killed it. Just like they did Futurama....

Where?

Edit: That baby that knew more than everyone else was hilarious.... hehe.

 

[Mojoman]

No dad, seven is enough..

chris: dad, what would you say if i didnt wanna be in boy scouts?
peter: id say come again.. and then id laugh cos i said come

 

[JimBob]

Yeah, it's on the Comedy Channel at 5pm on weekdays. I loooove it. Trig, seems us drama peoples have the same tastes... weird...

Cleveland Jr.: Look at me! I'm Pel!
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Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa--... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.
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Janet: Hi. Cookie?
Stewie: Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis," "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
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Stewie: Damn you, broccoli.
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Stewie: Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Lois: Meg, can you change Stewie?
Meg: Fine, but this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.

 

[Trigger189]

---------------
Announcer: We now return to "Touched by an Angel"

Lawyer: Now exactly where did they angel touch you?

Child: Right here (points to crotch)

Angel: NO I DIDN'T!
---------

 

[Suney_J]

Originally posted by Trigger189
Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's, that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!
-------------
Peter: Ok Callaghan. If you don't put "Gumbel 2 Gumbel" back on the air, then I'm going on a hunger strike. That's right, a hunger strike. Think you can live with that on your conscience?
'*They look at each other nervously*
Peter: You gonna eat that Stapler?
Callaghan: Well, you can't eat a Sta...
Peter: Wanna split it?
------------
Lois: sometimes ur such a child
Peter: A CHILD AM I!? well, if i'm a child you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and i'll be dammed if i have to stay here with a pervert
-------------
Peter: Lois, sometimes it's good to swear.
(Peter has a flashback. He's in a court room)
Court Marshall: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?
Peter: I do..... ya Bastard.


MORE TO COME. POST UP UR FAVOURITE QUOTES!

LOL!, just like homer

 

[Trigger189]

Family Guy is much more random than Simpsons... and funnier.. and better.

 

[Mojoman]

ahh the flashbacks are always comedy gold

 

[chepas]

Originally posted by Trigger189
---------------
Announcer: We now return to "Touched by an Angel"

Lawyer: Now exactly where did they angel touch you?

Child: Right here (points to crotch)

Angel: NO I DIDN'T!
---------

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl:

That is pure gold, to use that tired overused expresion!

Damn cable.... ooh, just found it's on DVD down on the net... maybe on imesh or kazaaa...........................

 

[Trigger189]

Brian: Peter, I..I have something to tell you.
Peter: Ok...
Brian: I...I love Lois!!!
Peter: Oh My GOD!!! YOU CAN TALK!!!!
-------------
Peter: "Excuse me is your refridgerator running? Because if it is it probably runs a lot like you... very homosexually."
------------
Peter: I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?.
Peter: Oh yeah.

 

[crazyhomo]

Lois: Typical male fantasy, women drinking beer. I guarantee you a man made that commercial
Peter: Of course a man made it, it's a commercial, lois! not a delicious thanksgiving dinner

 

[karnevil]

Lois: OMG Wake up Peter! Stewie's covered in fleas!
Peter: Ahh, thats nothing! Once when I was a kid, I was covered in ticks!
Lois: Peter, its NOT a competition!
Peter: It was back then! *points to "Most Ticks 1965" trophy on bedside table*

 

[crazyhomo]

Brian: Insert rod A into slot B
Peter: That's what....
Brian: If you say 'that's what she said' one more time i'm going to deck you

 

[karnevil]

Peter: Don't worry Lois, the best and most mature thing we can do about this is just to ignore it. Just like we do with the giant squid.

*Peter and Lois pretend to look around the room, ignoring the 30ft squid sitting at the other end of the table, looking mighty angry*

 

[Beaky]

Peter: I want the father-son relationship that the Gumbles have.

Lois: The Gumbles are brothers.

Peter: Oh so just because they're black we cant learn anything from them?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the episode they get super powers

Brian: (In regards to Brians super speed)- Ask me how the queen of England is
Lois: How is the *Brian cuts her off
Brian: Fine!

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[Trigger189]

---------------
Joe: Peter, this is none of my business, but you're turning your boy into a slacker..
Peter: How dare you call my parenting into question. If you were a women, I'd slug you..
--------------

 

[crazyhomo]

Mayor Adam West: How do you know my language?

 

[mrbassman]

Captain James T Kirk: the members of the away team are Scotty, Spock Myself and Ensign Ricky
Ricky: Ah crap!

(rough quote but you get the idea)
***
Stewie: You get me the wallStreet Journal, you two, fight to the death
***
Stewie: Its every potential man for himself
***
Stewie: Damn you to the bowels of bloody hell
***
Lois: But did you have to get cris those breast implants?
Peter: whatever makes the boy happy
***
Man in White:What do you want?
Stewie: freedom what do you want?
Man in White: i wanta get the hell out of here
Stewie: im sorry were all out of that all we have left is untimely death
Man in White: what is this?
Stewie: Its a boy
sound effect: ZAP CRACKLE
***
Stewie: Damn you, damn the brocolli and damn the wright brothers
***
Peter: Wait i have a good excuse
Brian: ooh wait i loove these
***
scene: Stewies mouth
Incisor: I claim this mouth in the name of incisor, aah bicuspit we meet again
.....the teeth move trying to attack each other
Bicuspit: well shall we bite the tongue then
incisor: On three
Both: one, two
Stewie: aargh
***

sorry about the roughness of the quotes but may fave episode is when Lois learns martial arts and they have that huge brawl

 

[crazyhomo]

peter: i'd like to speak with mr sanders
clerk: wa rong wit you? i tell you he dead
peter: .....the colonel!

 

[Shell]

stewie: oh yes, the egg incident. I dont have anything against the egg, quite frankly i like the yolk, but theres always been a lot of tension between lois and I. Its not so much that i want to... "kill" her, its just that i want her not to be alive. Anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult, and then i think to myself, My god, wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?