Raiks
Enigma Unlimited
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2003
- Messages
- 2,109
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2002
This education agreement (the agreement) is entered into as of 1st Semester, 2008 between The University of Wollongong and The First-Year Cohort (the First Years).
1. AIMS & OBJECTIVES
In consideration of agreeing to pay record-high HECS/HELP fees, the First Years have agreed to submit to the following practices of the University, including:
1. totally demoralising law students studying at the University
2. making hard-working kids feel totally useless,
3. isolating, confusing, and ostracising the proven potential of the smartest young minds in the state, and
4. smashing the hopes of all those who dared to seek high grades.
2. SERVICES RENDERED
Also in consideration of agreeing to pay record-high HECS/HELP fees, the First Years have agreed to receive the following services from the University, namely:
1. the provision of a lecturer incapable of communicating to, or identifying with:
a. the relevant theoretical systems and practices that apparently grace Australia, or
b. the First Year Cohort.
2. the provision of uniformly confusing lecture-slides,
3. the presentation of lecture modules in an incomplete and out-of-order manner, and
4. icy-cold stares from anyone who dares to seek help
3. WAIVER OF GRADE OF 'HD'
The first years hereby agree to waive their right to be awarded a grade of ‘HD’ for any work they submit, regardless of:
a. how well that part of the course was taught,
b. who set the exam questions, or
c. who marked the exam, which need not be the same as the individual involved in sub-sections (a) or (b).
4. RIGHT TO CHANGE LECTURER
The University reserves the right to, at any time, change the lecturer for any course. This may be done for any reason whatsoever, and that reason shall at all times remain undisclosed.
5. COURSE CO-ORDINATOR TO REMAIN THE SAME
Nothing in Section 4 shall remove the right for the previous lecturer to remain the course co-ordinator for any subject. This right persists even if:
1. that lecturer marks exams which cover parts of the course that he did not teach,
2. that lecturer is excused from teaching because they are unable to identify with what is to be expected from students in their first year of university.
6. WAIVER OF RIGHT TO SUE FOR MISLEADING AND DECPTIVE CONDUCT
Despite being informed that they are attending ‘one of the top universities of the state’, the First Years shall not complain or make any representation capable of being construed as complaining about the services rendered
under this contract.
7. ‘CASH COW’ REALISATION NOT TO DAWN ON STUDENTS
Despite the fact that 2008 has seen a record intake of first years, the First Years agree to refrain from:
1. realising their HECS/HELP fees are more important to the University than their educational development,and
2. disclosing their dissatisfaction to anyone who may care.
8. SIGNATURES
The parties approve the aforementioned terms upon signing this contract.
___________________________
The University of Wollongong
___________________________
The First Years
*Ripped and tweaked from UQ's Obiter Mag, Oct 2007. Hilarious Stuff.
1. AIMS & OBJECTIVES
In consideration of agreeing to pay record-high HECS/HELP fees, the First Years have agreed to submit to the following practices of the University, including:
1. totally demoralising law students studying at the University
2. making hard-working kids feel totally useless,
3. isolating, confusing, and ostracising the proven potential of the smartest young minds in the state, and
4. smashing the hopes of all those who dared to seek high grades.
2. SERVICES RENDERED
Also in consideration of agreeing to pay record-high HECS/HELP fees, the First Years have agreed to receive the following services from the University, namely:
1. the provision of a lecturer incapable of communicating to, or identifying with:
a. the relevant theoretical systems and practices that apparently grace Australia, or
b. the First Year Cohort.
2. the provision of uniformly confusing lecture-slides,
3. the presentation of lecture modules in an incomplete and out-of-order manner, and
4. icy-cold stares from anyone who dares to seek help
3. WAIVER OF GRADE OF 'HD'
The first years hereby agree to waive their right to be awarded a grade of ‘HD’ for any work they submit, regardless of:
a. how well that part of the course was taught,
b. who set the exam questions, or
c. who marked the exam, which need not be the same as the individual involved in sub-sections (a) or (b).
4. RIGHT TO CHANGE LECTURER
The University reserves the right to, at any time, change the lecturer for any course. This may be done for any reason whatsoever, and that reason shall at all times remain undisclosed.
5. COURSE CO-ORDINATOR TO REMAIN THE SAME
Nothing in Section 4 shall remove the right for the previous lecturer to remain the course co-ordinator for any subject. This right persists even if:
1. that lecturer marks exams which cover parts of the course that he did not teach,
2. that lecturer is excused from teaching because they are unable to identify with what is to be expected from students in their first year of university.
6. WAIVER OF RIGHT TO SUE FOR MISLEADING AND DECPTIVE CONDUCT
Despite being informed that they are attending ‘one of the top universities of the state’, the First Years shall not complain or make any representation capable of being construed as complaining about the services rendered
under this contract.
7. ‘CASH COW’ REALISATION NOT TO DAWN ON STUDENTS
Despite the fact that 2008 has seen a record intake of first years, the First Years agree to refrain from:
1. realising their HECS/HELP fees are more important to the University than their educational development,and
2. disclosing their dissatisfaction to anyone who may care.
8. SIGNATURES
The parties approve the aforementioned terms upon signing this contract.
___________________________
The University of Wollongong
___________________________
The First Years
*Ripped and tweaked from UQ's Obiter Mag, Oct 2007. Hilarious Stuff.
