People who don't like commitment and are in relationships. (1 Viewer)

[azzie]

Oxymoron, I know. And yes, I'm a moron.

I'm not good with ye olde commitment because I've been burned pretty badly in the past, but I've got a lovely guy who I really like now. Even though he's lovely, I'm scared of getting hurt again, but I want to let myself like him more.... but I don't. Lame, no?

But I just wanted to know from other people who are in relationships where they're happy with their partner but scared of committing. How do you overcome the scaredness of commitment part?

 

[azzie]

I love Jack!
In a non-romantic way.

But still, it's a conduntrum.
And by that I meant conundrum.

 

[breaking]

more like cuminmybum

 

[ujuphleg]

I hear what your saying.

My fear is not so much commitment but fear of what if something goes wrong in that, I've been with this person for almost 3 years and it's his first serious relationship and my second and I keep on thinking, so what happens if it goes the whole hog and we get married. In 10, 15 years time will he get wanderlust? Will we both get wanderlust? What if someone else more perfect than him comes along (that sounds harsh and shallow I know)

But I'm not scared of committment, I think I am personally more scared of being alone.

 

[azzie]

Yes it's that too for me.

I'm fine when I'm single and that's it- I'm happy with myself and I can go out and have a good time with my friends etc. There's nothing wrong with that.

But what if I emotionally invest in this guy and then get my heart broken, again? I guess that's what you're saying too. It's a scary thought.

 

[Lil Miss Karly]

To me, it sounds like the fear of getting hurt or doubting the relationship has more to do with how you feel about yourself rather than the actual relationship and commitment. Do you have self confidence issues? Have you been in a bad break up and as a result feel a lack of self worth?

 

[azzie]

To me, it sounds like the fear of getting hurt or doubting the relationship has more to do with how you feel about yourself rather than the actual relationship and commitment. Do you have self confidence issues? Have you been in a bad break up and as a result feel a lack of self worth?

Hahahhaha ahh that's funny.
No I'm pretty much the most self confident person out there. I'm not stuck up, but I'm totally happy with myself, inside and out.

It's just that fear of giving yourself to someone emotionally and what happens if it screws up, m'dear. It's to do with committing rather than how I feel about myself and all that self worth mumbo jumbo.

 

[Lil Miss Karly]

Hahahhaha ahh that's funny.
No I'm pretty much the most self confident person out there. I'm not stuck up, but I'm totally happy with myself, inside and out.

It's just that fear of giving yourself to someone emotionally and what happens if it screws up, m'dear. It's to do with committing rather than how I feel about myself and all that self worth mumbo jumbo.

hehe OK, just thought i'd check anyway I get like that about commitment too, like getting scared that if I pick the wrong one, or think they are the right one and later changing my mind.

 

[azzie]

It's a lot of guesswork huh!

You never know, there are so many guys out there- how can you be sure one is right or wrong for you? And people change etc etc

Ah it's a scary thought.

 

[glitterfairy]

It's a lot of guesswork huh!

You never know, there are so many guys out there- how can you be sure one is right or wrong for you? And people change etc etc

Ah it's a scary thought.

I don't think you ever really know

However I like the think that the more experiences you go through, the more you learn from them and from that - the better judgements/decisions/observations you can make in the future? (which ideally leads to being screwed over less)

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

It's just that fear of giving yourself to someone emotionally and what happens if it screws up, m'dear. It's to do with committing rather than how I feel about myself and all that self worth mumbo jumbo.

Fear is just a weakness, azzie. Just a weakness. You can do nothing and go back to licking your wounds from the last relationship or you can go ahead, and you'll risk nothing in the process because the only thing that will happen is that you'll go back to your current state of mind if the situation goes south.

If you don't take a chance, you don't stand a chance.

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

Thank you, I'm quite proud.

Why should I reinvent the wheel? Fear, after all, is a weakness.

 

[azzie]

Fear is just a weakness, azzie. Just a weakness. You can do nothing and go back to licking your wounds from the last relationship or you can go ahead, and you'll risk nothing in the process because the only thing that will happen is that you'll go back to your current state of mind if the situation goes south.

If you don't take a chance, you don't stand a chance.

Oh yes well. Thanks Captain Gloomy.
It's nothing to do with past relationships really, the point is, I'm happy single but I'm happy with this man too.

The problem is the commitment part. I have a rule not to get too emotionally attached until you reach the two month stage. Primarily because I see girls throwing themselves at guys emotionally and they keep getting hurt. And looking desperate which is not cool.

Basically I'm happy with myself, happy with him, but scared of what may or may not happen.
I just wanted to know how to overcome that commitment thing rather than being told I need to get over it haha

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

Oh yes well. Thanks Captain Gloomy.
It's nothing to do with past relationships really, the point is, I'm happy single but I'm happy with this man too.

The problem is the commitment part. I have a rule not to get too emotionally attached until you reach the two month stage. Primarily because I see girls throwing themselves at guys emotionally and they keep getting hurt. And looking desperate which is not cool.

Basically I'm happy with myself, happy with him, but scared of what may or may not happen.
I just wanted to know how to overcome that commitment thing rather than being told I need to get over it haha

It wasn't meant to be gloomy; the point was that you've got nothing to lose if it goes badly, so why not thrown caution to the wind?

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.

Done.

You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.

Already done.

He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions.

Already Already know that.

You must be like wolf pack, not six-pack.

Uh-huh.

If you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.

Been able to do that for quite some time.

Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn to master your rage...
...your rage will become your master? That's what you were going to say. Right? Right?

Already have control of my rage. Have had for quite some time.

 

[azzie]

It wasn't meant to be gloomy; the point was that you've got nothing to lose if it goes badly, so why not thrown caution to the wind?

Well because I, like every other girl around here will tell you that you have a lot to lose!

Once commitment sets in, you're cruising along and generally don't see a break up on the cards, even when it is.

And all that time and effort is for nothing. You feel like you've wasted the time that you've been with that person and that it wasn't worth it. Which in most cases is true, it was a waste of time and emotions and effort and so on blah blah.

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

You might have a lot to lose, but if you do lose it, you'll basically be in your present mind-set. Thus, it doesn't get worse any worse than it may already be.

 

[nwatts]

az can't you talk to your partner and work out whether or not they're worth investing in? i'm not asking you to ask whether or not he plans on marrying you or anything, more, a general open conversation about what the both of you think about what you've got together? he could turn around a month later and backtrack entirely, but i guess there are risks, and you'd have to trust what he said was true.

it just seems to me (purely according to what you've written here) that you've never talked to your man about all this.

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

Ohhhhkayyyy, for clarity of thought, I'm going to reply in point form:

A) I only wrote Argonaut since I didn't originally quote you so I had to edit my post, ctrl c ctrl v, and fill out the quoting details myself...since ur new username isn't the most memorable, i used the one i was familiar with
B) I don't really know why you switched the 'y' and 'f' around in RanyofuBrogan? and RanyofuKenyan?
C) I'm not RanyofuBrogan?
D) You missed the pop-culture reference in my posts
E) Only massive fuckwits split up posts and quote them like that...luckily you fill that criteria then, hey.

A) I noticed that, hence my quoting all your accounts I could recall from memory.
B) That's ancient history. I can't be expected to remember the exact spelling of all your troll accounts.
C) Meh.
D) I guessed it was a pop culture reference but since I have no idea where it's from, I let it slide.
E) I aim to please.

 

[azzie]

az can't you talk to your partner and work out whether or not they're worth investing in? i'm not asking you to ask whether or not he plans on marrying you or anything, more, a general open conversation about what the both of you think about what you've got together? he could turn around a month later and backtrack entirely, but i guess there are risks, and you'd have to trust what he said was true.

it just seems to me (purely according to what you've written here) that you've never talked to your man about all this.

Mm yeah but we've only been going out for one month. I think, I don't know, not counting till we get to the 6 month.

It's not that important, I think it's something that works itself out over time.
If I'm still with him after 6 months, we'll have a talk about it.