Skimming over your essay... I noticed that you tend to have short paragraphs which just analyse one quote.
Firstly, with your intro, I would mention the titles of the two texts, their composers (and year of production), and outline the textual themes in each which you can use to compare, and relate to the question. e.g. Manipulation of natural processes in Brave New World and Rampant Consumerism in Bladerunner, or vice versa.
Make sure you include the social contexts, which you've actually done, so that's good... but try integrate them into main body paragraphs.
With body paragraphs.. i'd suggest you have around 4 main ones...
In each body paragraph, make sure you include:
Topic Sentence - Include the question's key words here and directly address the question in relating a theme from one of the texts.
Context - Very brief description of which point in the text you are about to analyse.
Quote/Ref - Usually one powerful quote or reference is needed for a paragraph. Don't say "Huxley says"... it's through the characters that Huxley conveys his message.
Language - Never forget this. I can see you have a fair bit of lang. techniques in there.
What is revealed about society? - What general statements is Huxley or Scott portraying through this quote/reference or that particular scene, about society? Use fairly emotive, descriptive language here.
Relationship with natural world - Show some sort of link between humanity and natural world here. eg. Humanity has obliterated the presence of the natural world.
Closing sentence - Tie up most of your paragaphs ideas here, in directly answering the question, continuously nailing the question's key words in here.
Then, the following paragraph should have a comparative linking word, e.g. Similarly, Whereas, As seen in, etc etc. This is a COMPARATIVE module after all - if you don't compare for this module, regardless of the question, you're really really really dragging down your mark into a C range maximum.
Hope that helps.
