relationship issues (1 Viewer)

[riri9749]

Hey guys,

So i've been seeing this guy for over a year now (known him for three years though).. and within that year duration everything was pretty good and he was treating me so nicely; kind, polite, generous,caring although he does have a temper. Before i continue, we are in a long distance relationship however we do travel every few months to see one another. I thought i had come to understand him, and i'd always be there to calm him down when he'd get frustrated for no reason - i assumed it was due to his tough childhood upbringing so i was always patient even though most of the times i was not at fault. I thought he had too many good qualities and it would be unfair to disregard them despite his causing arguments between us every now and then for petty reasons - for instance not picking up the phone (to the extent where if i am showering he would be extremely frustrated). I've noticed a huge change in his behavior lately towards me, for absolutely no reason.. the time he spends now to talk to me is beyond limited and he just seems to be completely different - attitude, mood swings, not wanting to talk. I really don't understand what has happened to him all of a sudden and i feel the relationship is falling apart.. there is no 'spark' between us anymore and he just seems to be living life... I'm just confused because initially he was so eager to be in a long term relationship and we had discussed moving out together on several occasions and we were looking forward to it so much. But now he no longer mentions his future plans and i am so astonished.. I trusted him so much and loved him with all my heart, but the sudden change is just unbearable.. I feel that i am being taken advantage of to some extent.. it has become so bad that in one instance, we were speaking on the phone, and he started calling me names because i was not answering his questions 'fast enough'.. he then hung up in my face and didn't speak to me for a week. I have spoken to him, advised him to seek help - psychologist.. and i suggested it in a kind manner in order to make sure his feelings weren't hurt. I am fully aware that he has suffered as a child however i am afraid that he may be violent later on during our relationship..

I would really appreciate some advice..

 

[anomalousdecay]

That does not sound very healthy at all. Talk to him about his anger and ask him if he still wants the relationship. However, I'm pretty skeptical that you should go ahead and stay together if you can't work things out because that seems really bad.

If I were in that position I would end the relationship but I can understand that might be a difficult choice. If he isn't treating you with any respect any more, why bother with him anymore?

 

[Shadowdude]

maybe not so much the second thing though

 

[Queenroot]

Is he stingy about money?

 

[riri9749]

To be honest, i didn't mention everything however initially he was extremely generous, but the last time we were together, he was extremely careful to the extent where he was avoiding going out stating he preferred to stay at home.. I don't know if his true face is showing /or whether he's changed because to be honest he thinks he has permanent residency here.. to be honest i have no idea anymore..

I think i should stop being emotional and just walk away.. i just don't know how.. ??

 

[Queenroot]

To be honest, i didn't mention everything however initially he was extremely generous, but the last time we were together, he was extremely careful to the extent where he was avoiding going out stating he preferred to stay at home.. I don't know if his true face is showing /or whether he's changed because to be honest he thinks he has permanent residency here.. to be honest i have no idea anymore..

I think i should stop being emotional and just walk away.. i just don't know how.. ??

You gotta do what you gotta do

Have to nicely explain to him how you feel and why you feel this way. Communication is key.

 

[WrittenLoveLetters]

I'm still a little lost.

I'm in a LDR, we try meet twice a month and we don't talk as much or as late as we use to when I was in Year 9 and he was in Year 10. Like you, we've been dating for nearly a year, but known each other for two.

I don't know your circumstances, but maybe you can relate to mine - we don't talk much or as late anymore because we are being drowned by studying and the doom of the HSC. But when we meet up to just eat and chill, we enjoy the silence and the trash talking we do IRL, and have a laughing fit over 9Gag.

And actually, I sound like him, where I start a little tantrum because my boyfriend would never see my messages for half a day, when he's home or something, and he says how his notifications don't come up, but back then, he would immediately pop back a Snapchat etc.

But, your relationship sounds a bit toxic if even IRL, he's not connecting with you.

Because inevitably, LDRs are heavily based on talking. And sometimes we seek more than typing and talking about nearly the same things every day, and people need to understand that.

 

[Chronost]

Let me say this; LDR's aren't easy. The guy has probably become frustrated to the point where he picks on every petty thing and that's consuming your relationship with him. In addition he might've become bored of you or sees little excitement in the relationship anymore (e.g. when the same cycle happens week after week), this is a problem with LDR's where seeing each other physically is hard (seeing as you guys only see each other every few months) and talking , skyping etc.. is the only medium. I'm in between one where we live a few hours from each other but travel each week just to meet up.
To me this relationship looks like its beyond repair, if he's not listening to you anymore and taking your advice then there's nowhere else to go but out.

 

[enigma_1]

You might really like him but you have to think about yourself too. This is probably going to cause you more harm than good.