Some advice would be nice :D (1 Viewer)

[coolviv6]

Hey

I am not doing too great in english at the moment and am trying to practice writting essays in exam conditions. I am wondering if any of you have spare time can you read my in the wild essay and tell me where i am not strong enough as well as what mark it probably would get me.

Thanks a ton in advance
Jeff

 

[seano77]

Hey Jeff in your post you said that it was an 'in the wild' essay but it is an inner journeys essay?

Anyway a couple of things about your essay:
-try not to tell the story of your texts as much. Although the marker may not know much about your related texts, keep the plot summary to a minimum (one or two lines) and get on with how the journey is seen.
-you need to expand on some of your points.
"Ivan Lalic also use the oxymoron “Afraid and hideously enriched” to emphasize how he has learned from the past and is now back on the scary journey of life."
This bit is a totally different technique and should be evaluated in a separate paragraph with the effect of the oxymoron on the responders explained fully.
-Your writing has the potential to be sophisticated at times like: "An inner journey often compels the individual to contemplate challenges faced and past experiences through a continual process of self-reflection" but try and link these statements to particular techniques or textual references.
-Your related texts are only given about a paragraph each, so maybe they deserve a little more attention?
-Beware of grammar errors.

You might be looking for a low to mid B range response if you focus on the question through more in depth specific textual analysis.

 

[m00]

Its an essay, never use first person pronouns even if it asks for your point of view.

I think it would be better if you start the essay by restating the question?

More than anything else, inner journeys are about the challenge of self-refection. Through inner journey's we come to realize the importance of reflecting upon our mistakes or problems. This form of self-reflection is cleverly demonstrated through various texts including................

but yeah I dunno i only do standard english lol