Thoughts on love & relationships (a close-to-19-year-old guy drowning) (2 Viewers)

[stazi]

I feel so bizarre. I think it's my lack of attachment or relationship for a while. Shit, it's been like a year. I really want that comes prepackaged in a relationship called hugging. Maybe kissing. Well secksy-time too I guess. But just this mutual adoration. Holding each other's hands as we stare into each other's eyes. Lost in time. Not space (that lost in space movie sucked more than I like to suck emo boys. Joking. note to emo-kids: being gay isn't hip).
I don't know. It's such an empty, hollow feeling. The kind that no nipple tweaking or black man's penis can fill the void of.
Maybe I'm caving in from assessment stress. From expectation-related stress. From turning 19 soon stress. From lack of sex stress.
Another thing, why have my confidence levels dropped to subordinate levels. I never used to be shy around girls. I'd oft make a move. But now (now not as in this instant, but recently-now) even with half a bottle of vodka obstructing my vision and dampening my standards, I'm too shy to make a move on a girl who is dancing around me and edging closer to me at a club.
As selfish as I sound, I'm really glad a good mate of mine - Ben Glass, doesn't currently have a girlfriend. As soon as he gets one, if I don't have one...well I don't know how I'll behave. We're on the same level. He's a really good looking guy who hasn't been with a girl longer than me. He also suffers from lack of the same things. He kind of keeps me sane at the moment as he'd always come out with me and get wasted. Make the same immature childish jokes that I love. Catch a cab home with me as we live close.
But then on the other side of the playing field, I'm scared. Oh so very scared of having a girlfriend. Because I know I want commitment. And I'm practically 19. My mum had me at 19. What if this relationship is my last. What the hell happens then? I don't think I could handle that. Even if I'm really happy.
Oh how I wish it were easy. How I wish I didn't think about everything this much. Maybe I even wish I was too wasted to care.
But this is such a wierd kind of period for a guy. I don't care about getting laid (well, unless I'm drunk). i actually want something deep (like a man's anus, but not really).
I often am left wondering if I will find a girl i like again. I haven't felt this connection for so long (well only once- with Catherine). However, I just haven't felt anything towards any girls I've met for ages. Actually I find one girl kinda cute (personality-wise), she's funny, great, everything. But let's remember that I have the disease known as 'shallow fuck' - she's pretty average looking. Not bad, but not hot. For me, that unfortunatelly isn't enough to be attracted to a girl. Hell, maybe the reason I'm mentally attracted to her is for lack of finding something better.
I wish more girls were like guys. I connect with heaps of guys. Coin them with terms such as 'legend', 'funny', 'i love you, man' and the such. Yet, with girls this is far more limited. 'Too stupid' 'too blonde' 'too retarded' 'too ugly' 'too annoying' springs to mind as part of my short-list of adjectives.
Hmmm... i guess this sums up my plethora of thought.

 

[stazi]

You got yourself a dictionary definition of emo there. Submit it to wikipedia.

why? because i think about things? and like a couple of 'emo' bands which aren't even 'emo' by definition?

 

[stazi]

....and i can cheat time

 

[nwatts]

You got yourself a dictionary definition of emo there. Submit it to wikipedia.

 

[kimi]

Im slightly confused- do u think ur lonely cos ur selective or something? Or because u suddenly feel so insecure because, u feel like- u havent given or gotten attention.

 

[stazi]

Im slightly confused- do u think ur lonely cos ur selective or something? Or because u suddenly feel so insecure because, u feel like- u havent given or gotten attention.

i dunno.
well, i am lonely because i am selective.
I haven't found anyone i could like.
but then again no one has gone after me.


edit; it's just one part of my psyche that's lonely. i've got heaps of mates. it's just the relationship-aspect that's unfilled

 

[nwatts]

Actually I find one girl kinda cute (personality-wise), she's funny, great, everything. But let's remember that I have the disease known as 'shallow fuck' - she's pretty average looking. Not bad, but not hot. For me, that unfortunatelly isn't enough to be attracted to a girl. Hell, maybe the reason I'm mentally attracted to her is for lack of finding something better.

And just for that, you don't deserve a girl.

Get in touch with your manly side already. You seem to like guys enough.

 

[kimi]

Hmmm maybe its cos, u get relationships that dnt seem to last very long or dnt look very secure of stable enough for u to, i guess feed on for affection? And maybe cos ur being so serious and cos ur insecure because u think that cos ur not in relationship- theres something wrong with you? I guess everyone is like that though.

 

[stazi]

Hmmm maybe its cos, u get relationships that dnt seem to last very long or dnt look very secure of stable enough for u to, i guess feed on for affection? And maybe cos ur being so serious and cos ur insecure because u think that cos ur not in relationship- theres something wrong with you? I guess everyone is like that though.

all my past relationships have been short. and i've been pretty shit to chicks. this is almost like karma: when i do want a long relationship. someone to be there for me. there's no one there

 

[kimi]

well, serious relationships and meaningful ones dnt suddenly happen i guess. And yes, i guess it IS karma- but it means ur now moreso appreciative of ur relationships that will come to you in the future, whether they be short or long or watever. And plus, they're probably be more meaningful and depper cos u realise that its now important to not be such a jerk or play around and for a deeper relationship rather than just sex or something. I dnt know, im confusing myself. Lol, the things i do at 2:30 in the morning.

 

[absolution*]

You can borrow my girlfriend stasmo. She's a sullen whore.

 

[volition]

Well, with regards to finding a girl that is 'hot' enough for you, I wouldn't necessarily say that it's shallow to want someone to be able to turn you on. It might sound shallow, but when you really think about it, the relationship just might not work as well if you aren't really attracted to each other.

 

[PerfectByNature]

Well, with regards to finding a girl that is 'hot' enough for you, I wouldn't necessarily say that it's shallow to want someone to be able to turn you on. It might sound shallow, but when you really think about it, the relationship just might not work as well if you aren't really attracted to each other.

i actually agree with that. you have to be attracted to a person. and as hot for you isnt neccessarily hot for someone else i get what you mean. some people find it shallow when you say you only like hot people but not everyone finds the same people hot, so what the fuck are thy complaining about?

i feel a bit like you do Stas... i find it hard to find someone to be with who i actually want to be with... who i can connect with... but it isnt surprising. i guess you just have to keep trying and make the most of the time you do have with people

 

[Dreamerish*~]

If the girl's cute, has a great personality, and makes you feel comfortable, rejecting her based on the fact that she's not drop-dead-gorgeous makes you undeserving of any relationships at all.

Sure, she can't be so unattractive that you can't stand looking at her, but if she is, as you say "cute", I assume this means she's not bad. Someone like her would grow on you, and eventually you'll find her gorgeous when her personlity shines through. Maybe you just haven't learnt how to appreciate girls by something other than their breasts or ass.

It's not strange to want commitment. Hell, just because every second young person wants nothing but to fuck around with 5748365782543 sex buddies doesn't mean wanting a serious long-lasting relationship is abnormal. You just have to realise that exterior beauty wears off, but inner beauty lasts.

You might be impatient, depressed, etc etc now, but the harder you look the less likely you'll find someone who's right for you. You're older than me but I've been through that kind of crap too. Just live through it, you'll be fine. It's inevitable that you'll meet someone great. You're still young, for God's sake.

 

[iambored]

How can you want commitment but not want the next relationship to be your last one? That is something you need to work out before you get into a relationship and drive the girl mad not knowing what you want out of the relationship.

 

[absolution*]

stas = too emo to come to uni. come on guys. help him out!

 

[absolution*]

oh the wit...

 

[beccaxx]

hahaha to wikiwiki.

and stas, mayb u should get out more. and not with bos ppl.

 

[withoutaface]

This probably completely sums up how I was feeling until very recently, minus the gay jokes. It'll happen dude, you just gotta give it some time.

 

[stazi]

hahaha to wikiwiki.

and stas, mayb u should get out more. and not with bos ppl.

abs - i didn't come because then i'd have 2 hrs with nothing after a 9am tute. sleep beckoned.
wiki - that was oarsome. i love you. u make me laff
everyone- no, i'm not depressed, i was just thinking
beccaXXL - i thought u left. i hate people who don't keep their word. when they're dull and obnoxious it makes it worse. and i do go out a lot. not with bosers. with men to bukkake parlors.