Would I be shooting myself in the foot if I write about a snail for my creative? (2 Viewers)

[Animals]

Well, the gist of the story is this:

A snail that lives in a man's backyard takes a journey on a daily basis to the front porch of the man's house. As it reaches the porch, the man comes out of his front door to go to work, picks up the snail and throws it back to the backyard. This happens every single day. The snail is determined to one day build a home for itself in the front yard but obviously can't because of this man. When it gets thrown back to the backyard, it suffers a broken shell and injury, but perseveres and recovers in time for the trek the next day.

Well, at the end of the story, after many attempts and after much perseverance, it is finally able to beat the man to the front porch before he goes to work and is finally able to make itself a nice little home in the front yard where it lives happily ever after.

The moral of the story is to stick to your goals, to be resilient and to never give up no matter the adversity. What do you think? Can I make this work?

 

[hopethisworks]

Well, the gist of the story is this:

A snail that lives in a man's backyard takes a journey on a daily basis to the front porch of the man's house. As it reaches the porch, the man comes out of his front door to go to work, picks up the snail and throws it back to the backyard. This happens every single day. The snail is determined to one day build a home for itself in the front yard but obviously can't because of this man. When it gets thrown back to the backyard, it suffers a broken shell and injury, but perseveres and recovers in time for the trek the next day.

Well, at the end of the story, after many attempts and after much perseverance, it is finally able to beat the man to the front porch before he goes to work and is finally able to make itself a nice little home in the front yard where it lives happily ever after.

The moral of the story is to stick to your goals, to be resilient and to never give up no matter the adversity. What do you think? Can I make this work?

if you are twelve years old..

 

[Animals]

if you are twelve years old..

Yeah, I know the story seems childish, but don't you think the message behind it cancels that out?

 

[Roga]

Seems kinda boring

 

[Animals]

Seems kinda boring

Fair enough. Any ideas on how I can make it interesting?

 

[Pacchiru]

bahahaha, i like it, tbh.


originality, which most people lack when it comes to this shit.

 

[Roga]

Its shell gets crushed... I dunno build on something like that.

 

[HanT]

Agree with Pacchiru. it's definately original! stick with it, just develop it so the language is sophisticated and it won't sound like a kid's story.
good luck!

 

[Pacchiru]

Its shell gets crushed... I dunno build on something like that.

lol.

hardships faced during it's journey.


(sometimes, i dunno when adam is being serious or not)

 

[Animals]

Thanks guys. I think I will stick with it because it's simple in setting which would allow me to focus more on the journey rather than the setting.

 

[Animals]

lol.

hardships faced during it's journey.


(sometimes, i dunno when adam is being serious or not)

Nah nah, totally serious here Sammy.

 

[suzlee]

That sounds like a really cute story! I like it
Good moral, too.

It wouldn't be childish if you wrote it well

 

[Pacchiru]

Nah nah, totally serious here Sammy.

lol okay then.

elaborate on it, then show us.

 

[r.uss]

: /

Write a childrens book one day with your idea. The allegorical message is not original, although I'm pretty sure the way in which you choose to express it is... just probably not quite up there for a year 12 piece.

 

[Animals]

lol okay then.

elaborate on it, then show us.

Haha, yep, I've really got to start writing this story.

 

[Animals]

Any more opinions?

 

[Animals]

Well, this is what I've got so far. Let me know what you think.

A new day, a new opportunity.

The snail began its descent from the leaf it had been chewing on and onto the all too familiar pavement to take the journey it knew all too well. After all, it had taken the same journey since the light of day dawned on it, and today was no different to all the other days of its life. It began its trek from the driveway

 

[Shadose]

lol, The snail's heart skipped a beat when it finally made it.

...I'm sorry, but I don't know how excitement feels like for a snail.

 

[scora]

lol okay then.

elaborate on it, then show us.

lol you'll need to really stretch your descriptions to make it decent in length. If you're able to do that whilst maintaining clear themes it should be a decent read

 

[munchiecrunchie]

i really wouldn't do this story, even though its original its not the kind of "sophisticated" material HSC markers want. They're picky and you don't want to take chances.

It really is up to you though, I think it'd be best to run it past a teacher and get their opinion on it.