This year, I was so scared when I first started uni. I was shy and nervous...I was afraid of the unknown. I didnt know whether or not id like my course, whether id be good at it, whether id make friends...i wasnt sure of anything. One day, the Law barbecue was held and i met my best friend there.. he was my best friend and still is no matter what.
but i sort of started liking him, but i just couldnt tell him how i felt, because i knew that he didnt feel the same way..he saw me as his sister. Every time he'd talk about a girl in front of me, it would hurt....but still, i said nothing.
This semester...he kissed me one night...my first kiss. But apparently the reason why he did it was because he found me more attractive that day than any other day or something like that...apparently there were other very important reasons that he was just too embarrassed to say. Since then, things between us have been awkward.
Whenever he misses on a class..I text him to see if he's okay, i offer my notes and i always invite him to have lunch or something, because i just want to be the best friend that i could be.
Today,he read what i had written for him...because i just couldnt tell him in words..myself. he read it, but my friends were sitting close so he couldnt talk to me about it...he said he'd call me later on.
He called about an hour ago...saying that what i had written was the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to him...ever! he said that i was truly a very good friend and the thing that he admired about me was the fact that i was so caring and the fact that i was a genuine friend. Im not like his other friends who just hang out with him and thats about it..i actually care. He said that boyfriends and girlfriends come and go but friendships remain and thats why he wants to be my friend. He doesnt want to risk our friendship for anything like that because people say that yeah, well still be friends after a relationship, but thats never the case....he values our friendship too much. He said that he was so extremely surprised and happy to read what he did. That I was a friend that he would still know 10, 15 years down the track. And yeahh.... that hed always come back and visit my uni and that we will hang out and stuff....
He said "Im sorry ive been cold towards you lately, im sorry ive been controlling, im sorry ive made you cry. I honestly am, i dont want to hurt you like that any more"
(but its just so painful....the whole thing is painful. When you care about someone THAT much...this just hurts. It was very nice of him to say what he did, but all of it just hurts)
