Paradoxica
-insert title here-
You know. You do not understand, empathise, or even relate.You'll never know my friend... either.
Suffering does indeed dreadful, honestly I haven't probably been through as much as you, but I know people who are at the moment, suffering psychological and mentally at the moment. That is all I can say.
Well at least with nihilism you take it to its consistent conclusion then, and that is kind of the disappointment for me, because it is a very negative view of life. Again there are multiple variants on nihilism, for what I have heard.
If you require the existence of a higher being in order for your life to have meaning, that says all I need to know about you.