TIPS TO MAINTAINING A STABLE RELATIONSHIP AND BALANCING THAT WITH YOUR SENIOR STUDIES
Disclaimer: It has been quite a long time since I have last substantially updated this thread. This has been for a variety of reasons and I think a part of it has to do with me trying to figure out my own aspirations and path through life and my passion for education. Throughout the last few years of tutoring senior high school students, what struck me increasingly is that pure academic advice (i.e. how to excel in certain subjects) will never be adequate to encapsulate the complexity and uniqueness of every student's experience.
Purely take what I say with a grain of salt because every relationship is different. The following five tips have been based from my own experience (albeit not at the HSC, but at uni level) and also my observations of relationships of people around me (whether during high school or in uni and beyond), so feel free to add to this because it is not intended to be conclusive of all experiences. I believe that it is possible, albeit extremely challenging to maintain a stable relationship during the stresses of senior study if you follow the following tips:
1. NEVER GUESS, LISTEN AND COMMUNICATE WITH AN OPEN MIND-I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfect communicator but you get better with practice. Often misunderstandings in a relationship arises from inadequate communication or even worse, assuming that the other person knows what is on your mind. No one is a mind reader, always tell your boyfriend/girlfriend what is on your mind and tell it in a nonjudgmental, non defensive, honest manner. Give the other person the benefit of doubt and listen to their explanation before you rage at them. Listen carefully to what your other half says, you don't need to agree with them, but at least acknowledge their viewpoint and make them feel respected. For example, if your other half is late to a date, don't assume it is because they don't care about you, there might be other reasons such as there was traffic, they wanted to get you food along the way, they had last minute errands to run so they can spend more time with you.
2.DON'T RELY ON YOUR OTHER HALF FOR YOUR HAPPINESS: LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST-This seems cliche and simple, but it actually holds a far deeper truth. Often we believe erroneously that our happiness is dependent on the happening of a thing: whether it be getting good test results, getting to spend time with our boyfriend/girlfriend, getting that part time job we have been applying for, getting a scholarship, that captain position etc the listen just goes on and on. However, you will soon realise that although achieving those things or having a special someone in your life may make you happier (i.e. because someone can cheer you up when you are down and give you hugs), if you rely purely on that person for your happiness you will be grimly disappointed. The reality is no one is perfect and it is simply unrealistic to expect our happiness to be from one person (it puts a lot of unrealistic pressure on them) and you are likely to frequently find fault and becoming increasingly dissatisfied from your relationship the moment they are not what you want them to be. Your relationship will be so much more fulfilling if you learn to have confidence in yourself and love yourself for who you are. Often relationship insecurities and jealousies arises from a lack of self-confidence (I am a big culprit of that and i am still on my own learning curve), don't compare yourself with others because you truly are unique (whether you choose to believe in it at this moment or not), you were chosen because you had good qualities and you should never undervalue yourself.
3. EMBRACE CHANGE, CHALLENGES TOGETHER, DON'T WORK THROUGH THINGS ALONE-Particularly at the start of a relationship, we often consciously want our other half to see the best of ourselves, and often reluctant to share our fears, insecurities, challenges in our lives. One of the most important thing to maintaining a stable relationship is to see yourself as a team and work through things TOGETHER. Even if there may be challenges that you guys may not be able to solve together (i.e. one person has volatile family relationships), sharing what's on your mind will ease the challenges and often you might even learn to figure a solution or at least change a more positive outlook on things. Also changes in relationships are inevitable, it is unrealistic to expect a stable relationship to always be in the honey moon phase, or that you will always see each other on Saturday evenings or something, there are unexpected commitments in our lives from time to time, changes in our own outlook, interests, this is why embracing changes to your schedule (maybe you have assessment tasks upcoming, so have less time to see each other-you may want to consider still setting aside time to meet up after the assessments). You shouldn't see a relationship as a hindrance to getting good HSC results, sure it does take a lot of physical and emotional toil at first, but if you guys work together (i.e. study together perhaps), resolve challenges together, you may even see a blossoming of your HSC results.
4. DISCUSS FUNDAMENTAL VALUES AT THE START OF THE RELATIONSHIP-This was an important lesson I personally learnt during my relationship. Another source of misunderstanding is not miscommunication, but rather not understanding each other's fundamental values which makes arguments very frequent. You guys can compromise different interests and schedules, but it is very hard, if not impossible, to compromise your fundamental values. Have a difficult/easy conversation (depending on the personality of your other half) about your fundamental values at the start of the relationship to avoid much misunderstandings in the future, i.e. what are your values in relation to spending money? ethical/moral values about where the line between good/bad is drawn? What kind of person are you? (What religious/social/political values you may have?). It is all well and good to spend time together with your other half and enjoy doing activities together, but sooner or later when significant challenges arises, and you guys haven't discussed your fundamental values, you may well risk a break up from realising your values doesn't fundamentally match together. Have the conversation early so you know what you are getting into.
5. TRUST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT WILL BIND YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER-
NEVER PLAY GAMES WITH YOUR OTHER HALF IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP AND GO ALONG WITH THE FLOW-Too often whether it is from social media or bad friend advice, we want to play games with our other half, whether it be to test out whether they are loyal to us (there was earlier a viral video on Facebook of a 13 year old girl who hired another girl to test out the loyalty of her boyfriend), or the advice to leave the boy hanging-don't reply immediately etc, at the end of the day, if you are mature about your relationship, you will realise playing games is a waste of both people's time. If you truly trust your other half, you wouldn't need to consider emotional manipulation. Inevitably, trust is something that takes time to build-but you have got to take a brave leap of faith and build trust-without mutual trust (TRUST A PERSON UNTIL THEY GIVE YOU A REASON NOT TO TRUST THEM) no relationship will be sustainable. If you other half say they are studying, believe that they are and not start overthinking they are cheating on you or with another person until you have evidence proving otherwise. A relationship makes you vulnerable, but it also has the potential to give you emotional connections that will strengthen your character and happiness. You have to take a leap of faith to gain connection, if you are always too scared of getting hurt/getting dumped, your relationship will soon be in a stalemate and won't go far.
As a concluding word, let the relationship flows and only get into a relationship if you seriously believe you can handle the emotional roller coasters starting a relationship often brings with the intense stresses of senior studies. NO RELATIONSHIP WILL BE PERFECT. I have heard of stories of people who dump each other right before an exam which leads to poor results for both, do both of yourself a favour and don't do that. There are many future opportunities for you to start a relationship after the HSC (whether with the person you like) or whether you haven't met the person you like yet, know what you want, what is important to you (whether it be studies/relationship or both) and pursue it. Love is truly a choice, rather than just a mere feeling, you have to make the choice whether you will consciously love the other person despite their flaws, challenges and mistakes and continue reflecting on your shortcomings and learn to be a BETTER PERSON for each other's sake. Don't underestimate the challenges of keeping a relationship with your studies commitment.
I wish every couple who is in their senior studies period all the happiness and love they deserve and I hope you guys can truly work through things together, talk honestly and mature through the challenges ahead, whether personal, academic or not. Best wishes to you all for your relationship to blossom through school and beyond <3
I can't speak on behalf of people that I don't know. For me at least, I prioritised finishing my assessment tasks (which may involve studying for a topic-because say they are theory exams) or may involve revising practical skills and experiments (i..e if it is a practical in science). Also this question is really broad-because it also depends on what subjects you are talking about, e.g. in maths notes are not as important as in other subjects, and English notes has varying efficacy depending on the individual's learning style.