Please find your work quoted in italics and my comments in normal text.
1. Executive Summary
"Fast Burgers Ltd is a public company which has been operating for the last fifteen years."
I think "past" would work better than "last".
"Fast Burgers has been experiencing high levels of competition within the market, where businesses are adopting Fast Burger’s charitable work, where Fast Burgers is considering options to maintain their record as an excellent employer."
Check the syntax on this sentence. You repeat the word, "where", twice but it is used incorrectly.
"This report will:
• Describe the role of operations management for Fast Burgers, including product differentiation.
• Explain the importance of interdependence of operations amongst Finance and Operations on Fast Burgers.
• Demonstrate why corporate social responsibility should remain a key concern in the operation of Fast Burgers."
I would avoid restating this. Instead, paraphrase them in your executive summary and mention what will be detailed throughout the report while consistently referring back to the hypothetical business case.
2. Product Differentiation
"Fast Burgers utilizes product differentiation to achieve a competitive edge."
Being a bit critical here: "utilizes" should be "utilised" because we don't use American English. If you use "z" instead of "s", and if this is a hand-in task, you could be picked up for ChatGPT / AI use.
"Fast Burgers could potentially incorporate product differentiation within their public business, where tangible is differentiated through their features, such as burgers which incorporate aspects such as low-calorie buns or free-range chicken within their products."
Don't say "potentially"; be firm with your recommendations. How is the business going to be confident with implementing your suggestions if you don't seem confident in yourself?
Check syntax here again; the second part of the sentence loses flow and doesn't make sense and it seems like it has been cut and pasted.
I like the reference and application to the business though!
"This, furthermore, increases Fast Burgers customer base, where Fast Burger’s competitors are unable to capitalise within this market, as their goods are unable to satisfy food – cautious individuals, where Fast Burgers is able to capitalise and maintain their employer record."
Be careful about claiming what competition can and can't do. Competitors can easily learn to satisfy health-conscious individuals. You need a bit more reference to the syllabus here and be more specific to the business.
3. Interdependence between Finance and Operations
“Fast Burgers utilizes the interdependence within finance and operations to maintain their excellent employer record as well as sustain a competitive advantage.”
This is redundant.
“Fast Burgers could potentially utilize the interdependence with Operations and Finance, where Finance potentially supplies funds to Fast Burgers through an investment, where these funds are invested within Fast Burger’s transforming resources or facilities such as fryers or fridges.”
Again, remove “potentially” throughout this.
Why is an investment suitable here? What exactly does this do? Are there better options available?
Stating “facilities” is not needed and seems like an irrelevant terminology dump.
“Fast Burger’s interdependence with Operations and Finance through this investment, achieves improved efficiency and decreased production times within Fast Burger’s transforming resources.”
I’m seeing repetition with your sentence starters; this needs to be amended.
Rather than solely referencing “transforming resources” refer AGAIN to the “fryers” and “fridges” because you need to keep applying everything back to the hypothetical business.
“Fast Burgers is able to maintain their excellence, as the interdependence with Finance and Operations within Fast Burger’s invested machinery eliminates waste and reducing repetitive tasks.”
How? In what way is waste eliminated? What procedures are in place? You need to provide more detail here.
“Reducing the performance of repetitive tasks simultaneously increases the quality of life of an employee.”
More detail is needed here; this is very surface level information. The marker wants to see more than a simple regurgitation of the textbook.
“Fast Burgers proportionally experiences high employee retention rates within their public business. Hence, Interdependence with Finance and Operations results to an investment within Fast Burgers, allowing Fast Burgers to importantly increase employee retention, maintain their employer excellence.”
This argument was not evident within this section.
4. Corporate Social Responsibility
"Corporate Social responsibility remains a key indicator to Fast Burgers, corporate social responsibility allows Fast Burger’s to commit actions upon the ‘spirit of the law’ such as committing to charity work or decreasing carbon emissions."
Repetition of “corporate social responsibility” twice in this sentence; check your syntax. You can mention it once at the beginning and then abbreviate it to CSP.
"As a result, Fast Burgers commitment to decreasing carbon tax or charity in a corporate social responsibility act, attracts investors through the deeds."
Provide more specific examples of how Fast Burgers can do this. How do they decrease carbon tax? What charity initiatives can they engage with?
“Simultaneously, Fast Burgers is able to gain opportunities with investors considering to investing within Fast Burger’s facilities such as fryers or ovens.”
Is it only facilities that they would be interested in?
“A stakeholder’s investment within Fast Burger’s proportionally improves efficiency by reducing the time taken to create Fast Burger’s tangible goods.”
How? Elaborate here.
“Furthermore, Fast Burgers is able to improve an employee’s salary due to high efficiency within the production of goods, allowing Fast Burgers to maintain their employer excellence.”
How does high efficiency result in salary improvement? What is the relationship? You need to explain and elaborate here. For example, does high efficiency result in greater customer satisfaction which then leads to greater sales / revenue which reflects in salaries?
5. Recommendation
“Hence, it is recommended that Fast Burgers Ltd incorporates product differentiation within their public business to expand their target market and cater to health – cautious individuals, increasing their customer base.”
You need to mention operations management - as a whole - here too.
“Furthermore, the interdependence between Finance and Operations allows Fast Burgers’ investment to improve their facilities, importantly improving their efficiency within the operations process.”
Are facilities the only aspect of operations that are affected by this interdependence? Operations is broad and has so many other areas that would have allowed you to go more in depth.
“Finally, Corporate Social Responsibility remains a major role within the operation of Fast Burgers, as their commitment to a positive impact upon society attracts investors and improves Fast Burgers operations as well as increase Fast Burgers revenue. This simultaneously allows Fast Burgers to sustain a competitive advantage within their respective competitive market.”
CSP needs to have a greater focus on customers too.
Overall Comments:
- It feels like your links to the relevant Business Studies content is lacking and very surface level.
- It is clear that you understand the terminology that applies to different areas of the Business Report, however, there is no consistent flow in your writing.
- You need to incorporate clearer links back to the hypothetical business. Yes, you have mentioned it consistently throughout, however, I don’t see how the arguments you make actually impact the business.
Other Comments:
- The list of what you need to include states, “Describe the role of operations management for Fast Burgers, including product differentiation.” You only focused on product differentiation. Your heading should have been something like “Operations Management” where you talk about it holistically for Fast Burgers THEN go into focusing on product differentiation.
- Regarding, “Explain the importance of interdependence of operations amongst Finance and Operations on Fast Burgers.”; I feel there was a lack of cause and effect language and your arguments need to be made stronger.
- “Demonstrate why corporate social responsibility should remain a key concern in the operation of Fast Burgers."; requires you to show by example so you needed to be more specific here to the business.
Overall Mark: ~12/20
Hopefully my feedback was helpful! Please let me know if you have any questions or need some guidance with navigating my comments!
