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Proof that anyone can do anything literally right now. (1 Viewer)

Do you FEEL the UNLIMITED POSSIBILITIES that you, INDIVIDUALLY, can fulfil?

  • Yes

    Votes: 27 38.6%

  • No

    Votes: 27 38.6%

  • No, I want help - (we can discuss either here, or you can DM me).

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Jonathon Dwight Jones

Jonathon Dwight Jones

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[Blank] said:
I will be updating the progress towards my 50km run tomorrow.
This isn’t the only thing I’m working on at the moment.
I’ve decided that I will challenge @Hivaclibtibcharkwa to an arm wrestling competition and WIN within a month’s worth of training.
Not only that, but create a video game and publish it to steam, not for assessment, but for myself (update, the early entry thing I mentioned last year in a previous comment in this thread was for a game design course. It’s been good and all, but it took so damn long before I regained my ability to USE MY OWN BRAIN!!
Click to expand...
ok? can you fight tho
 
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[Blank]

[Blank]
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I’m going to set a goal to not use anything on the internet that requires a login.
That immediately removes anything social or mainstream media related within my lifestyle.
I’m also going to cut out music, and other comforts, so that way I can be left alone with more personal things without distraction.
Music of course can be sentimental, but I need a break from it for a long enough time to the point that playing a song is foreign to me and my default state is made up of the perspective that everything that is currently repetitive to me feels brand new despite me already holding knowledge about it.
My private life will ultimately include genuine hobbies like anime and working out in secrecy.
If I can feel embarrassment again from having a private life even though technically I could choose to not get embarrassed, then I’m definitely on the right track.
I want to feel embarrassed every time I’m caught trying to better myself, because that’s a good and humble feeling that makes me excited like I’m on a mission that I must keep under wraps when no one else knows that side of me.
 
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[Blank]
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So this is good bye yet again.
I’ll be back in a year or two or however long it takes before I completely forget about this website.
For those of you who I may meet in UNSW one day, I wonder which will come first, knowing that “[Blank]” is in the school or that I’m in the school?
 
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[Blank]

[Blank]
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I guess I really can’t leave any unfinished business.

The only thing I want to achieve here is to feel like my ideal self, but that feeling is earned, not faked.
My ideal self is youthful, free-spirited, has genuine/personal relationships within his private life, and feel special.
Even if his personal relationships have an alienated sense to them, it still feels part of the same world that he was born for, and so, feels at home despite their differences, because he too is different despite maybe not being used to it, or feels alone WITH them to better put it.

All I want to do from here is track my progress towards regaining my youth, that’s all.
I just want to feel as young as I am, and although I have no one my age around me, I want to feel like I am apart of that ‘age group’ despite that isolation.

I can’t rely on uni just yet, since I don’t have the money to go after taking on dept from college, but I can pay attention to that shared world view even if there isn’t anyone technically here to share it with me.

…

I realise now that there is a subtle difference between me and the typical type of people who peaked in high school.
Most reach a lazy conclusion about why this peak exists, believing that it’s because the good old days were good and that everything afterwards is disappointingly worse.
I now realise that it’s because of the sense of group dynamics felt, even though they may be broken up between categories of friends, enemies, or even strangers, they were all from the same ‘world’, and for that reason they felt less insecure compared to how they feel when faced with the ‘real’ world, since the real world is far more insecure.
Everyone is an outsider, no one is part of the same group with or without varying dynamic.
It’s scary.
To me it feels like I’m not a kid nor an adult, but there is no one else my ‘age’ around me, and because of that, I have no affirmation as to what my own age really is.

So, I need to learn how to live alone and remain true to a grounded sense of self that doesn’t need the affirmation of my environment in order to peak once again regardless of the circumstances.

For that to happen, the best thing I can do for myself is match the same group identity with the inspirations I have, but all those inspirations happen to be part of a group themselves, where as I’m left out, so I need to some how feel at home with them despite being excluded.

My hero and greatest inspiration however masterfully succeeded at this very same thing I just realised, having developed a personal relationship with a potential group of friends before even finding his genuine equals.
If I can feel at home with the potential of the world I was born to be apart of, then I’ll no longer have an identity crisis.

And thus, this is why I need to record my physical health progress above all else, because the place that I see myself in, is one where my potential group of friends are all perfectly healthy.
 
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