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If I sent you what i've written so far could you tell me if I could improve and what direction to take to emphasise the concept of discovery?

The main components i'm lacking is the showing not telling concept and descriptive writing to create imagery-- a part of that is telling them what is happening and not utilising all senses e.g. smelling, hearing etc...

Could someone help me improve my creative prior to the HSC?

start my half yearlies tomorrow and feel very very under prepared woops.