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Belonging story. (1 Viewer)

GKWill

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Could you guys take a quick read over my story and give any feed back? English is the subject that I'm failing at the most so I need a bit of help with it, what with the trials coming up very quickly and all. Thanks :)

Today started out like any other one. The sun had a smile on his face as its light pierced through the darkness of the night, bringing on the wonders of the next, beautiful day. I smiled inwardly as I heard the usual morning ruckus of “Get up!” “Hurry up!” and “Quick! Or you’ll be late!” The usual ruckus that let the whole world know that nothing had changed.

It wasn’t long until more voices sailed through the air. “Come on! Were leaving now!” became the more prominent sounds that hit me. But it only made me smile, since that was the command that my partner and me were about to be put to good use. We were finally going to do what we had been made to do. Today was a particularly special day. My partner and I were both on the top of the pile, literally. That means that we will be some of the few that will have the privilege of doing our duties on this beautiful day. The sounds of the children running and shouting in glee, of the mother yelling for them all to hurry up and how they’re going to be late all drifted to my ears and I smiled. I felt a warm hand close around me and I was hoisted up into the air. I looked over at my partner and we smiled; today would be a very good day.

Many hours had passed and my partner and I were absolutely exhausted. It was a very big day, a sports day in fact, and we were both very tired and very dirty. However this exhaustion was that good type of exhaustion, this dirt was the good kind of dirt. They both boasted a good hard-days work, something that my partner and I were both very proud of. We couldn’t wait to have a nice bath and a nice rest after that long day’s work.
“Bye Mick!” I called, as my working buddy went home. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and it was nice to get a chance to talk to him again.
“See ya next time!” He called back, in his cheery Australian accent. I smiled and looked over to my partner. I hadn’t seen her all day, which was really the only downside to the job. I smiled at her and she smiled back; we were both happy. Soon afterwards we were surrounded by warm, soapy water, feeling the dirt washed from us and feeling our energy slowly coming back. I sighed a happy sigh, today had been such an amazing day, I really couldn’t have asked for anything better.

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and recuperated, ready to pounce on what ever this day had to bring. The usual morning screams of “Get up!” “Hurry up!” and “Quick! Or you’ll be late!” again floated to my ears. It was going to be somebody else’s lucky day today since I had mine yesterday. It wasn’t long until the noise had died down and the mother was left all alone. The door to my bath opened and I, along with everyone else in there, were pulled out and shoved into a basket. The door slammed shut behind me and I got a slight pang of unease; I hadn’t seen my partner come out with me. I shook the feeling away, she was most likely somewhere else in this pile. We would be together later. I was again hoisted into the air and hung up on the line. I felt even more energized as the bright, hot sunlight started to warm me up. I looked around, feeling that pang of unease return, and to my dismay, my partner wasn’t anywhere to be seen. The worry started to set in a bit more, but then I saw that a large sheet had been hung up. She must be behind that. I smiled and returned to basking in the sunlight. I would find out wether she was really missing later.

Later on I found myself back in the pile, filled with butterflies and nerves. This would be the decider, wether my partner was truly missing. I couldn’t bear to watch as my friends were picked up, folded, and the ones with partners paired before being sorted. I just held my eyes shut, praying that when it was my turn to get sorted, I would find my way back to my partner. I felt some cold hands close around me and lift me up into the sky; the judgement had come. I still had my eyes shut tight as the voice of the mother pierced straight through my heart.
“Tisk, tisk. Another odd sock...”
I didn’t hear those words. Or at least I wish I hadn’t. Odd sock... Odd sock... Those words played back and forth in my head like a record player stuck on loop. Tears welled up in my eyes as I sailed through the air, landing on the cold, hard table, away from my friends and all the other clothes. I looked down; the dark, nearly black, wood of the table chilled my heart as the temperature from that table chilled whatever remaining warmth remained in my body. I felt torn, broken... odd. The mother stood up and took all my friends away back to their home. One by one... pile by pile... First the shirts, then the sheets, then the shorts and then the socks. One by one until I was the only thing left on that table. The mother marched back into room and just stared at me, not sure what to do with something like me. I didn’t have a purpose any more. I saw the mother shake her head at she picked me up and threw me haphazardly back into the pile with all my other friends. I heard the starting patter of rain outside as I looked over all the happy faces of my friends and their partners. As the rain started to fall heavier outside, the rain started to fall from my eyes. I couldn’t look at their smiling faces, just as they couldn’t look at me at all. I saw someone and their partner, I didn’t know who they were, but they looked at me and shook their heads, judging me in front of everyone. The turned at walked away, as did some others, away from me. I felt like an outcast, only half the being that I was suppose to be. I did the only thing that I could do, curl up in the corner of the basket. Away from my friends, away form their partners... away from all those smiling happy faces.

It had been many weeks now since that fateful day. The rain hadn’t stopped falling, both from the sky and from my eyes. I was still in that same corner, still hiding from everyone. It seemed that they were all trying to get further away from me as well, just as if I was a bad smell. The morning ruckus had already come and gone. That thing that I always looked so forwards to just passed along with the days and nights, as did many loads of laundry. I always hoped that my partner would return to me, gleefully in the next load of laundry. But I had lost that hope as well. I had long given up. I heard the footsteps of the mother coming back with another load of laundry. I didn’t even look up. My whole world was grey and dirty; the sort of dirt that no amount of washing could get rid of. But suddenly warmth! I glanced up and saw that the sun had broken through the clouds of grey and its smiling light was shining on me through the window. I looked away, and my heart rose. I looked back to see a smiling face staring at me. Her eyes full of love and yearning. The grey clouds in my heart were parted by her smiling light. My partner had come back! I didn’t know where she had been, but I didn’t care. I was just happy that I was back in her arms. I was just happy that the light shone again. I was just happy that life could get back to normal. And I was just happy that I was one again.
 

eriito

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lol what if someone decides to copy your story and write this in their hsc english examination?
 

annabackwards

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^LOL.

Great use of imagery but there isn't a great twist or anything. It's also quite lengthy, perhaps cut it down a bit?

I'd give it ~12 :)
 

Aerath

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Way too long - no way you can write that in 40 minutes.
 

GKWill

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lol what if someone decides to copy your story and write this in their hsc english examination?
Lol, I'm hoping they won't take my story. But there's tones of better ones out there, I'm sure they'd just pick from that.

And thanks for the replies. I'll cut it down a bit.

And what do you think would be a good twist? I felt I already had a good one in there when the protagonist's partner was taken away.
 

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