Best+Worst of Teacher Quotes and Habits (5 Viewers)

[jamersonx]

Errrr. One of our maths teachers sold pot to a guy in his class two years ago. I guess that could be considered as a fairly bad habit.



Otherwise!

"My watermelon daiquiri has left people unconscious by the pool"

 

[jackc91]

English teacher to student: Is this your pencilcase?

Student: Yes

Teacher: You know how i knew? Because the eraser says 'HOMO' on it.

 

[xbellax]

teacher: im hip with all the bands these days. Foo Fighters, Mother Wolf

ROFL!! Love it
This thread is gold <3

 

[same person]

A classroom was too noisy for a teacher's liking, therefore she said, quite seriously to one girl:
'Ashleigh! If you do not shut your mouth young lady, you wil force me to throw this very sharp and pointy pen in your left eye and you will burn in hell!!'

This same teacher after telling a student to move a table:
'You will be rewarded in heaven, you'll thank me then!'

This is coming from the Religious Education Co-ordinator..

Go figure.

 

[madsam]

Our year advisor at a year meeting when noones really paying attention to him and are talking heaps. He then singles out one student to get them to be quiet and says to them:

"If you dont stop talking i'll do to you what i did to my wife last night!"

Kinda disturbing, whatever way he meant it

 

[d3vilz]

lol two asian kids were talking in the corridor in their language
and our year amster was walking past lol
and he calls alll the boys in our year by 'master' and their last name

so he goes : 'master wang' do you do woodtech?
wang: yes sir
year master: well go build yourself a boat and go back to china
lol!!!

what a racist mofo.

 

[RogueAcademic]

I like this thread, hilarious stuff. Some of you even sound like you enjoy/enjoyed school....

 

[AvalonPrincess7]

My Chem teacher without fail would answer any question of "why do we have to learn (insert subject) sir?"

With, Well one day a little old lady sitting in front of you on the bus is going to ask you (assuming a little old lady creaky/creepy voice) now sonny, could you tell me about (insert subject) if you'd be a dear?.

He did it incessantly throughtout the year, until he got fired anyway.

 

[NCB619]

Me: (Says something that included a swear word)
Teacher: Don't swear in this class. I am a church pastor
(silence)
A Friend: Hang on...of which church?
Teacher: Rugby


oh, and just so you know, my group gets really bored in class, and for the entertainment of the rest of our grade have been putting together a "Quote Book" of anything funny, awesome or stupid that someone says in or to our grade, or that we just happen to hear...this had been going on for a year now.

EDIT: Ok, i was just reading through some on here, and remembered one of our ones in my book

"This movie is shit! It's Shit! If it was in a video store, it would be under the genre of shit!"

oh, and once, my science teacher in year 10 broke the internet. He went to search something sciency during one of our last lessons of year 10, and we were sitting behind him, and to do his search, he clicked on home, which redirected him to google, and in the google search bad, he typed in google, clicked on google.com, and then proceeeded with his search.

year 9 science
STudent: Hey sir, would it be OK if i mixed (random element) with (another element)?
Teacher: Yeah...If you WANT to die

 

[Schoey93]

In a year 8 year meeting, Ms Munro was holding up this prayer book to us and she said, "This is one of my favourite little books, I've had it on loan from the library for about two years now, so, ya know... if you've been trying to borrow it - bad luck." She was trying to be funny, of course, but no-one other than Hope laughed. Then Ms Munro looked at Hope with a "wtf" expression on her face:


And then the whole year group laughed, it was friggin hilarious!

Also, in year 9 (2008), Mr Kinchington, our 2007 ScienceA teacher was taking Catholic Studies A and was talking to Isabella.

Izzy: Sir, you skip stuff out that we're supposed to learn.
Mr K-dog (lol): That's because all the other teachers have to teach everything. I am just so above their level that I can skip it.

Something like that.

Also, in Year 9 maths:

Mr Newby: Did you do your homework, Elissa?
Elissa (aka "Woody" as in Toy Story): Nope. No.
Mr Newby: Why not, Elissa?
Elissa: Ah, sir...I kinda ... I lost interest.
Mr Newby [laughing]: Now, now, Elissa...let's not do that...

Oh! I almost forgot.

Mr Procajlo (Senior School Coordinator, Site Manager and English teacher), lecturing Years 7 - 10 boys about the state of the toilets: The state of the toilets is horrible! Someone has shitted all over the seats. Now, look, it's fine people that you're doing these things, it's all right... we'll get you some professional help and you'll be right. But if you do not have mental problems, if you are not retarded then it is just wrong. The people doing this shit are without a doubt in my mind, completely mentally retarded.

One last one.

Zane [in Commerce, Ms Nelson was there to monitor Miss Higgins' progress]: So, Miss, are we doing something fun in Geography in fifth period?
Ms Nelson (sarcastic): Oh, yes, as always it is going to be absolutely riveting...

That's all I think of for now. I may add more if I think of any.

James

 

[Schoey93]

Thought of some more!

Mr Gill bellows [silly Irish teacher who doesn't teach the syllabus and got fired 'cos of it, but he's still doing a Ph.D (Education) ]: YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT OF THE ROOM! NOW!
Katrina: Sir, I'm in this class.
Mr Gill: Oh. Are you sure? (Katrina nods.)
Mr Gill: Sit down then, please. Sorry about that.

Same teacher, told an Irish joke about maths.

Guy 1: Make nine wihout using numbers. Do this and some other sums and I'll give you the job as head teacher.
Guy 2 (draws three trees): Tree plus tree plus tree makes 9.
Guy 1: OK. Same rules, no numbers - but now make 99, please.
Guy 2: Dat, sir, is easy. (He scribbles all over each of the three trees he drew.) Each of da trees is dirty now. So...dirty tree plus dirty tree plus dirty tree makes 99.
Guy 1: Fair enough. Now, with the same rules once again - no numbers or mathematical symbols. Make 100. I bet you can't do THAT.
Guy 2 (thinks about it for two minutes, crinkling his face, contemplating the problem): Uh-huh! I can do dat. (He draws a big, coloured-in circle at the base of each tree.) Dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and turd plus dirty tree and a turd makes 100! How do you like dat, sir?
Guy 1: I love it, it's brilliant! You are hired as head maths teacher.

 

[kda]

Maths teacher with a heavy accent, regarding prob:

Now, if I toss twice, what is the probability of me getting head?

Fantastic.

 

[Deltan]

maths teacher with a heavy accent, regarding prob:

Now, if i toss twice, what is the probability of me getting head?

Fantastic.

i lol'd

 

[AlphabetSoup]

I have a few funny ones

English teacher: "How do you spell 'synthesis'? I'm a terrible speller."

Student: "I've been doing drama for nine years"
Same English Teacher: "You must be a pretty slow learner then."


Principal: "Sorry, the microwave isn't working too well...I mean microphone...I just got burnt."

Student: *shows bra colour to other student*
Male Geog teacher: (thinking she was showing a note to other girl) Show me what you just showed her.
Student: I showed her my bra
Geog teacher: *blushes like a tomato and stutters something about having to photocopy something. On way out of room, trips on chair.*

Student: No, my last name is Sanchez
Maths teacher from Russia: ...Sand...chairs?

 

[kara42]

I have a few funny ones

English teacher: "How do you spell 'synthesis'? I'm a terrible speller."

Student: "I've been doing drama for nine years"
Same English Teacher: "You must be a pretty slow learner then."


Principal: "Sorry, the microwave isn't working too well...I mean microphone...I just got burnt."

Student: *shows bra colour to other student*
Male Geog teacher: (thinking she was showing a note to other girl) Show me what you just showed her.
Student: I showed her my bra
Geog teacher: *blushes like a tomato and stutters something about having to photocopy something. On way out of room, trips on chair.*

Also I have a pretty arrogant science teacher. A few lessons after finishing the SC he had one of the papers and was going through while the class was doing an experiment and he sat at the front reading and every now and then saying "I can do that." Like duh! He's a teacher, if he couldn't do it I would be worried.

Student: No, my last name is Sanchez
Maths teacher from Russia: ...Sand...chairs?

I lol'd.

 

[kurt.physics]

Maths teacher with a heavy accent, regarding prob:

Now, if I toss twice, what is the probability of me getting head?

Fantastic.

this is hilarious!!! real lol

 

[klitzy]

I can't remember any real witty ones at the moment

My mate and I had just finished reading A Clockwork Orange out of school and had been using a bit of Nadsat here and there.

Me: "Ryan, hurry up and write something on the board, before I have to stick my yarbles in your dirty rot"
Someone: "What does that mean"
*Background noise fades, so the volume I'm speaking at is clearly audible to everyone*
Me: "It means I'll have to put my testicles in his mouth"
English Teacher: "What! *laughs* Geez boys save your homo-eroticism for outside my room. Preferably the bedroom"


Me: "Miss, you hate me. We established this last year."
Ancient History Teacher: "No, Andrew, I just hate your behaviour and the choices you make. I don't hate you as a person"
Me: "What the fuck? That doesn't make sense."

Apparently in the Food Tech class two girls were insulting each other (jokingly) and:
Student: "Do you want to fight me?"
Teacher: "I'll get the jelly!"

Wow....

 

[me121]

I think this was a good response by a teacher,

"And one boy who did that, particularly, I just stood up and I went right up to him and I said, he said, "Get fucked," and I said, "No... not now, and certainly not with you." And there was silence in the room, total silence."

--http://news.sbs.com.au/insight/episode/index/id/32#transcript

 

[AlphabetSoup]

Maths Teacher: Have you never seen sum and difference of two cubes?
Class: *non-committal mumbling*
Maths Teacher: *totally serious voice* Well, this is a momentous day!

*pause*

Student: What the fuck are you talking about?



Me: *having asthma attack*
Friends: Sir, she's having an asthma attack!
Teacher (running to front office, yelling hysterically): She's having a heart attack!


Me: Sir, can I go get some ice?
Teacher: What for?
Me: My ribs, they hurt
Teacher: *like a smart-arse* Mine too
Me: Mine are cracked

*pause*

Teacher: Go get some ice

 

[tehrobzorz]

we used to have an old technical drawing teacher, Mr Reddington ( any hurlstone folks here? ) who would always repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat whatever word he was at if you weren't paying attention.

" so this graph graph graph graph ....will not be .." where graph is X, Y being the number of seconds, and loops at X.Y.

we once tested him and he just exploded after about a minute. ^^