Bit of a problem.. (1 Viewer)

[Epiphany]

Right so heres the situation. There's a guy, let's call him Dave, and I've known him for a few months. He's a mate, that's all I've ever seen him as. He's tried to pick me up a couple of times (when I'm drunk, no less) but I've always been really clear that it'll never happen. As much as I hate sounding like a bitch, it's the truth and he needs to accept it.

I recently found out that the last girl he was really into (who was my friend a couple years back).. well, she rejected him and he reacted really bad. Like he wrote a suicide note and drove off, told Amy (the girl) that he had a gun in his hand, ready to kill himself, all because she didn't want him.

And he says really sad things to me sometimes and I'm not sure how to react.

Then the other night he messaged me asking if i was going to a party, that he was pissed off, followed by it's probably best i don't go cos he'll try to pick me up and i don't want him.

He messaged me a few more times saying how much he wanted me and I never did anything to encourage him it was just enough to look at me.. or something. Then around midnight he sent another message about how depressed he was.

So. I don't know the best way to go about this. Do I remain his friend even though I know he's into me, or should I distance myself from him? All I want is for him to get a nice girlfriend so he can be happy... but the girl is never going to be me.

Advice, anyone?

 

[Dreamerish*~]

The last thing you should do is to distance yourself from him. He sounds really unstable, and insecure. Losing a friend who he likes so much will only push him further to the edge.

I think you should spend some time talking to him, but at the same time making it clear that you're helping him as a friend, and nothing more. If he has other male friends (and I'm assuming he does), encourage him to spend some time with them instead of stressing about girls. He's still young, there's no need to find the one right now.

If he can't get over you, then you shouldn't be with him too much. But whatever you do, tell him first. Don't just ignore him for weeks without telling him why you're giving him so much space. Tell him that whenever he wants a friend to talk to, he can call you, but don't do anything to lead him on.

 

[Lennie]

I think you need to distance yourself from him. Obviously he isnt getting the message, and nothing you say can make him understand that you only want to be friends.

He's looking for someone to cling on to.

Speaking from experience with these sorts of problems, there is nothing you can do that will help him. He seems to be fighting something big, and this means that no matter what you try and do as a friend, it will not help him, but only drain you.

He can't seem to understand that you only want to be friends, and for as long as you are in the picture, he will continue to try and be more.

It would be tough to let go of him completely, but unless you are prepared to go through ALOT of shit trying to help him, you need to bail. I've seen and been through too many of these situations to know that they NEVER end well.

Good luck...

 

[jeremiahk]

That sounds intense, I think you should be careful with those kinds of people, because people are just waiting to snap, and you don't want to find yourself in a threatening situation.

I'm going to sit on the fence for this one, i'd say try to distance yourself a bit, but not ignore them totally.

What you do is up to you, but like I said, you have to be wary of finding yourself in some threatened situation.

 

[bscienceboi]

He does seem quite unstable. I'm interested why he didn't follow through with his suicide threat from the previous rejection.

Its quite low of him to ask someone drunk out. You need to talk to him though and sort everything out so that he understands the situation but don't be too harsh in a way that you "hurt" him. You also have to distance yourself cause he can be dangerous.

 

[miss_megs]

I agree with EnterNameHere... its a tricky situation and its not right for him to involve u and bring u down.. its too draining and will take up alot of ur time. Try to be his friend and make sure he knows thats all its going to be.. then maybe gradually distance urself from him. People like that are tricky to deal with... i guess its easier said then done, if it was me in the situation im sure i would act differently to what ive just said. Work through it and be careful

 

[bowman]

buy him a water pistol

 

[*ashlea*]

That's tough.. i think u should stay friends with him, sit him down and really talk to him about how u both feel.. Tell him that u like someone else alot and that u really just wanna be there for this guy as a friend, nothing more.. let him know that your friendship is important to u, and you're always there to help him find the girl for him, who is out there somewhere.. don't let his problems get u down 2 tho, his threats are most likely empty..
good luck!

 

[*Buttercup*]

i think this isnt something u can handle by yourself and u should see if u can get him to talk to someone. how old is he? is there like an adult or someone u could talk to? Coz obviously he has issues that u cant deal with urself, and theres no reason why it shud be ur responsibility and urs alone to sort out his problems... i think the best way you could help him (and you) would be to encourage him to talk to someone, a counsellor or something.

 

[jeremiahk]

.. Tell him that u like someone else alot

Oh God, thats a fantastic idea isn't it?

If I fancied someone, I don't know what could possibly hurt more than that girl saying to me "I like someone else alot."

It seems overly harsh to say that.

Its one thing for someone to say they don't like you, its another whole thing to go and say there is already someone else you have an eye on.

No offence to your advice or anything, I'm just saying that it wouldnt be necessary.

 

[Lhyviathan]

Right so heres the situation. There's a guy, let's call him Dave, and I've known him for a few months. He's a mate, that's all I've ever seen him as. He's tried to pick me up a couple of times (when I'm drunk, no less) but I've always been really clear that it'll never happen. As much as I hate sounding like a bitch, it's the truth and he needs to accept it.

I recently found out that the last girl he was really into (who was my friend a couple years back).. well, she rejected him and he reacted really bad. Like he wrote a suicide note and drove off, told Amy (the girl) that he had a gun in his hand, ready to kill himself, all because she didn't want him.

And he says really sad things to me sometimes and I'm not sure how to react.

Then the other night he messaged me asking if i was going to a party, that he was pissed off, followed by it's probably best i don't go cos he'll try to pick me up and i don't want him.

He messaged me a few more times saying how much he wanted me and I never did anything to encourage him it was just enough to look at me.. or something. Then around midnight he sent another message about how depressed he was.

So. I don't know the best way to go about this. Do I remain his friend even though I know he's into me, or should I distance myself from him? All I want is for him to get a nice girlfriend so he can be happy... but the girl is never going to be me.

Advice, anyone?

To this 'Dave' character:

1) www.teenangstpoetry.com is your friend.
2)

 

[Mr Muscles]

buy him a water pistol

this a serious issue ya fukwit, how would u like a free knee to the head?

 

[Dreamerish*~]

this a serious issue ya fukwit, how would u like a free knee to the head?

That would be more appropriate to Mr. Lhyviathan for his even more (if possible) pointless post.

 

[Mr Muscles]

That would be more appropriate to Mr. Lhyviathan for his even more (if possible) pointless post.

who are u to tell me wats more appropriate....miss ive posted over 2000 times

 

[Digital_Spork]

I think Dave probably saw you as more than a 'mate' the moment he met you. Its gonna be tough stuff to handle but even if you cant bear to tell him yourself then do the lame-but-safe option of sending one of your friends to tell him.

Sounds like a really bad situation, specially around HSC time!!!

 

[Dreamerish*~]

who are u to tell me wats more appropriate....miss ive posted over 2000 times

I am so sick of people using post-count as defence.

I've got over 2000 posts, so what? Mr. I've-only-posted-5-times. What does it prove?

 

[AsyLum]

who are u to tell me wats more appropriate....miss ive posted over 2000 times

Hey -Shifty-