Got an essay due in two days about Othello and a related text. The essay question is "An individual's interaction with others and the world around them can enrich or limit their experience of belonging". I legitimately have no idea how I can do this. I have asked the teacher questions and listened in class but I'm completely clueless. I wrote a few paragraphs in this essay and if you guys could tell me what you think. I think I just wrote a bunch of BS in the essay. Open to any type of feedback where it is positive or negative. Don't even think I belong in advanced English. I just find it way to hard. Keep in mind that this is a very rough draft and I will be editing it before I hand it in.
Essay is attached as a document below.
Thanks guys.
View attachment 31985
I think you know what to do for the task. Even if you BS an essay, it's alright as long there's techniques/ evidence and backing up
Maybe you already edited the essay but feedback could help when in the holidays, you look at the essay again
The points brought up are good. Just adjust phrasing to get straight to the point
Intro
the main thing is to get straight to the point so with introducing the texts, shorten the sentences a bit, so I just rearranged some sentences around
-The play
Othello written by William Shakespeare... (use this instead of Othello a play...)
-"successfully presents..." and to the fullstop has good phrasing!
-"
Spirited Away, a Japanese animated film written by ......shows...." (use this)
-next part: good points!
-use "Miyazaki's utilisation of film techniques..." (instead of listing specific techniques as it limits you covering other techniques)
-also instead of using the word 'like', other synonyms are "such as", "including"
para 1
-remember present tense when talking about the characters/ plot (treat them as something in the present) e.g. "limited" becomes "limits"
-use "his sense of belonging is only created through his military capabilities because he was respected due to his past as an experienced combatant", merging sentences to get straight to the point
-also Lago does not use animalistic imagery, Shakespeare does-"Shakespeares uses animalistic imagery through Lago's dialogue"
-are there any quotes you could use for the first half of the paragraph, so to put as run-on quotes?
para2
-use "
Spirited Away focuses on a young girl, Chihiro who struggles..." to make the sentence flow
-use "Chihiro's experience of belonging has been limited by her human background because due to this, she is not accepted by the spirit beings in the spiritual world" so it does less recounting
-hmm maybe mention film techniques here- are there facial expressions or close ups?
para3
-idk, usually people aren't said to belong to another person. So maybe you mean; Othello is accepted by Desdemona (not belonging to her)?
-limit using '[a character] said/ says. Use "[the point you're using] is depicted in the line [quote used]", with the mention of the techniques it has
para4
-"belong" instead of "belonging"
- specify the camera angles in that sentence "the changing of camera angles from high to low angles..." and you explained what you mean which is good!
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I wish I could provide more but I haven't studied these texts
