Commitment, or lack thereof. (1 Viewer)

[ambermorn]

Ok, picture this:

You've dated someone for 8 months (that you've known for years) and it's still in a "casual" and unofficial stage.

You really like this person and have wanted to make it official for some time now, but when speaking about this to them they are unsure that they are "ready" to be in a committed relationship, but you both still continue to go on dates.

What would you do about this? Keep dating or break it off?

 

[quik.]

Someone is getting played

You want strings they don't

I could be completely wrong of course this is only the internet, but that is what it sounds like

 

[Tulipa]

If you're still having fun with them and are happy with the arrangement, why bother trying to changing it?

That being said, if it's more along the lines of being casual in a non-exclusive sense and you want to be exclusive, it might be something to talk about more. If it's been eight months and they still don't want to be exclusive or look like they do anytime in the future when you do, it might be time to bail.

 

[SMP213]

someone is getting played

you want strings they don't

i could be completely wrong of course this is only the internet, but that is what it sounds like

true!!

 

[Jaylee42003]

Ok, picture this:

You've dated someone for 8 months (that you've known for years) and it's still in a "casual" and unofficial stage.

You really like this person and have wanted to make it official for some time now, but when speaking about this to them they are unsure that they are "ready" to be in a committed relationship, but you both still continue to go on dates.

What would you do about this? Keep dating or break it off?

well, you should put it straight to him..
8 months is a very long time for just a 'casual' relationship.
If you really like him that much, then tell him how you feel. Let him know where you are at. I bet it's heaps frustrating for you. Don't let it bother you anymore. Take control!.

 

[ambermorn]

I am pretty happy with the arrangement at the moment...but would like something a bit more romantic. He's not seeing any other girls, so it is somewhat of an 'exclusive casual' thing.

He's always been afraid of commiting though, which annoys me because I've hung around and proved that i'm always going to be a good friend/girlfriend regardless.

I have asked him if he's been stringing me along, but he seems geniunely confused. His last relationship ended badly two years ago, he's in the midst of a business startup and our families don't get along, despite us being best friends. When I last spoke to him about it, he said it's not a matter of rejecting my offer of a relationship, but rather taking it slow and being smart about it.

I think I'm going to continue on with it, but if a better guy comes along and this one doesn't show more interest, he'd better watch out

Thanks for your replies guys

 

[yer8899]

or maybe a better girl has come along and hes LYING to you

 

[ambermorn]

Hmm, we talk multiple times a day and see each other pretty frequently so it'd be very difficult to hide it from me, I'm pretty nosey too haha. If he does have a better girl, he deserves a medal for hiding her from me for so long and so well!

 

[Tulipa]

So okay, wait.

You're dating. You talk a few times a day. You see each other a lot. You're not seeing anyone else.

How is that not a relationship? I'm confused.

 

[yer8899]

methinks she just wants to be able to say MY BOYFRIEND on a daily basis, like all insecure girls do

 

[hermand]

either you're in a relationship or you're not. this 'casual' thing shits me. if he's not willing to make it exclusive to you [and i know you've said it's exclusively casual, but they don't go in the same phrase] you're either casual or exclusive. if he can't come to terms with you actually putting a label on it as a relationship, then you need to get rid of him because it sounds like he's playing you, especially for eight months. this 'slow and smart' thing sounds ridiculous. no offence or anything but you need to make it clear to him that he either takes it or leaves it. and if you get rejected, go out and find someone who is willing to give you what you want =]].

 

[ambermorn]

It's pretty much to the point of a relationship, but he refuses to refer to it as one. He sees us basically as friends who are intimate with each other, though he's recognised that it's starting to get serious (whether he likes that or not, I'm not sure).

It's not that I'm afraid of him running off with another girl, but I made my decisions very clear from the beginning whereas he's stuffed around and I want the "label" of a relationship (if you will), or even a rejection to put a stop to his indecisiveness. I'd like to call an ultimatum, but I do enjoy his company and would miss it...but 8 months is just getting ridiculous and I'm done waiting for him.

 

[Tulipa]

Dude, let it go.

You're basically in a relationship, that sounds like it's actually going okay, but you're demanding something so pedantic (literally, just a label) for pretty much no reason. Why can't you just keep going with it for now?

 

[Riet]

Dude, let it go.

You're basically in a relationship, that sounds like it's actually going okay, but you're demanding something so pedantic (literally, just a label) for pretty much no reason. Why can't you just keep going with it for now?

Because she lacks a Y chromosome to help her think logically.

 

[settle*precious]

It's pretty much to the point of a relationship, but he refuses to refer to it as one. He sees us basically as friends who are intimate with each other, though he's recognised that it's starting to get serious (whether he likes that or not, I'm not sure).

It's not that I'm afraid of him running off with another girl, but I made my decisions very clear from the beginning whereas he's stuffed around and I want the "label" of a relationship (if you will), or even a rejection to put a stop to his indecisiveness. I'd like to call an ultimatum, but I do enjoy his company and would miss it...but 8 months is just getting ridiculous and I'm done waiting for him.

Bad idea, dumb-dumb.

Labels are retarded. You have a good thing and to risk it for the sake of a "label" would be pretty lame.

You're young, its fun, just enjoy it :]

 

[tommykins]

Because she lacks a Y chromosome to help her think logically.

lololololol

 

[Pace_T]

Ok, picture this:

You've dated someone for 8 months (that you've known for years) and it's still in a "casual" and unofficial stage.

You really like this person and have wanted to make it official for some time now, but when speaking about this to them they are unsure that they are "ready" to be in a committed relationship, but you both still continue to go on dates.

What would you do about this? Keep dating or break it off?

i didnt read the other answers in this thread, bos is full of fuckwits so im not wasting my time.

its obvious that he's got what he wants already and theres no need to make it "official", i.e. he's happy where he is at the moment, most probably because he's having sex with you without the commitment. this is where most guys want to be. close enough for sex but far enough to keep things unofficial.

give him an ultimatum to see if he really likes you. but i reckon he's just in it for the sex anyway, because otherwise you wouldn't have to make him choose.