Creative writing (assessment) what do you think (1 Viewer)

[JustinRylewski]

So ive started writing my piece of creative writing, it will be a 1500 word narrative focussing on belonging.

My idea so far is the beginning is focused on a letter, which a deceased fathers daughter reads, ive emphasised a connection (sense of belonging) to this letter from the daughter as she feels that this letter is a piece of him. And she hears his voice sounding his letter in her mind. I gradually hint that this is in fact the fathers last wishes and use black clothes and tears to emphasize she was at his funeral. I also refer to the fathers urn as a little black box creating a sense of connectivity in the story (more so of a continuity)

I was thinking of placing parts of the letter throughout the story as the daughter carries out the fathers wishes (which is to scatter his ashes over their homelands, in ireland so he can be with his wife((the main characters mother) (so theirs a sense of belonging to family in a spiritual sense))

The daughter must travel from the congested city (which she hates) to ireland where she meets her only surviving family. The story will lead up to the scattering of the ashes (sense of belonging to place and a sense of belonging to family in a physical sense) and end at the point of scattering using a sentence from the letter to end. (the letter is an object from the stimulus we were given)

What does everyone think

ideas of where to improve would be awesome or just any feedback

: )

 

[bored of sc]

Sounds good. Clever and interesting idea. One question: what's going to happen to the protagonist at the end? Anything special/significant? Sense of enlightenment?

 

[lychnobity]

You might want to grab a copy of the Board of Studies Sample Reponses year 2007 (I know, the AOS was Journeys). In the creative writing section, there was one high range response that is similar to yours.

Hers/His used Journeys through Landscapes (you'll get what I mean when you go through the book)

 

[JustinRylewski]

I wrote something similar when i did the creative writing piece on journeys, and i have read the high range response your talking about, it was really good. I have a few weeks to draft it with the teacher which will be good. So it will develop. As for what will happen to the protagonist, she will realise she dosent need her parents to belong, her other living family at home (grandparents) are just as good, so she finds her sense of place and belonging and the father is reunited with his wife (spiritually of course) I wanted to play up the fact that she hated the city so that the change is obvious when in ireland where she feels she belongs. Ive used a lot of language techniques, alliteration, metaphor, simile, biblical allusions, onomatopea (spelling on that one) etc etc and tried to link a variety of aspects of belonging from the syllabus and extra like the feeling of connection with the letter her dad wrote before he died as his last message to her. Ive also focussed on this letter (from the stimulus) throughout, referring back to it like the father is embodying her, or guiding her home.

Sorry for any grammar, its late lol

 

[lychnobity]

I wrote something similar when i did the creative writing piece on journeys, and i have read the high range response your talking about, it was really good. I have a few weeks to draft it with the teacher which will be good. So it will develop. As for what will happen to the protagonist, she will realise she dosent need her parents to belong, her other living family at home (grandparents) are just as good, so she finds her sense of place and belonging and the father is reunited with his wife (spiritually of course) I wanted to play up the fact that she hated the city so that the change is obvious when in ireland where she feels she belongs. Ive used a lot of language techniques, alliteration, metaphor, simile, biblical allusions, onomatopea (spelling on that one) etc etc and tried to link a variety of aspects of belonging from the syllabus and extra like the feeling of connection with the letter her dad wrote before he died as his last message to her. Ive also focussed on this letter (from the stimulus) throughout, referring back to it like the father is embodying her, or guiding her home.

Sorry for any grammar, its late lol

Now I'm worried about the execution of your ideas, it's all too convoluted now. You're doing too much. Simplify it a little. Don't forget to give your protagonist a voice, don't use him/her as a hole

AND you're forcing the expression, compromising your stylistic flair by purposely using all these techniques. There are many many more beyond your knowledge. You're constantly using them without realising it.

Bottom line: don't purposely go "oh, lets have some alliteration here, and a metaphor there, and I'll link it together right now with some onomatopoeia" - it's easy to tell when it's forced. Keep it natural.

 

[JustinRylewski]

No i didnt force it, when i read over it i realised i'd done it. When i finnish ill copy and paste if you like and you can tell me what ive done wrong and ill fix it up first before i give it in to the teacher to draft, as i said before, i have 7 weeks to draft it so it will develop over that time into what the teacher expects. And im trying to make the end more simple now, i realised i dont have the space in my word limit, so maybe focus more on the daughters belonging with place and family just using the fathers ashes and letter as the reason for her belonging rather than focussing on that aswell. That sounds alot more managable : )

This forum is extremely awesome, im quite glad i signed up now.

 

[laila09]

I think this is an absolutely BRILLIANT idea!
I'm just wondering where the protagonist ends up?
Do they end up belonging or not belonging?
Personally I am for them belonging. This year I and many others chose to try and be different and choose for the protagonist to never belong.
This didnt fit the question and this originallity put us in turmoil.
:uhhuh:
BUT IT IS GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!
I love it.

 

[laila09]

Oh and I would also be very cautious of posting such a thread again.
Don't forget many people are looking for ideas at the moment for a creative piece and here is where they will all come.
MANY, many people will now steal your idea as well as specific things you are putting in it.
Now all around the marking centre next year will be this piece many times over.
You do not need any more advice, this is GREAT!
If possible delete this thread, then you will have less chance of your idea being copied any more then it will have already.

 

[JustinRylewski]

Im still trying to think of title to go with it, any ideas.

 

[lychnobity]

It is a GREAT idea
Maybe for a title you could call it "echoes of the past"

... terribly unoriginal.

When i finnish ill copy and paste if you like and you can tell me what ive done wrong and ill fix it up first before i give it in to the teacher to draft

lol, my editing services aren't free.

If it's not forced, then good (Y)

 

[JustinRylewski]

The teacher wants me to restructure it a little starting with the scattering and then lead back up to that point again but how would i link the end to the beginning in a structural sense so its not out of place. Also now that the ending is at the beginning, the same problem arises in the conclusion. Apart from that, the content is good she just thought it was too chronological which was correct. Any tips for linking them would be much appreciated.

 

[JustinRylewski]

Also for those that wanted to know ive called it 'One step ahead' as from the actual story. The main character is one step ahead of people experiencin grief and blah blah and eventually returning to a place she belonged, but the title is far from important, far far far from it lol

 

[darkcounty]

Oh and I would also be very cautious of posting such a thread again.
Don't forget many people are looking for ideas at the moment for a creative piece and here is where they will all come.
MANY, many people will now steal your idea as well as specific things you are putting in it.
Now all around the marking centre next year will be this piece many times over.
You do not need any more advice, this is GREAT!
If possible delete this thread, then you will have less chance of your idea being copied any more then it will have already.

WTF, sharing is caring.