Do your parents approve? (3 Viewers)

[ujuphleg]

What I've always wanted to know is how those with controlling parents cope?

Day by difficult day.

 

[grk_styl]

Day by difficult day.

Exactly.

You do things walking on egg shells. I got blasted last night for making mum tea in the wrong mug.

Why do we put up with it?
Sometimes i have no fucking idea lol I'm just not letting it come between my boyfriend and I, as I am totally happy and I can't let them ruin that

 

[ameh]

How do I put up with it?




Marriage

 

[grk_styl]

How do I put up with it?




Marriage

But then you have the age-old question of "do your parents approve of your husband to be?" Or do you risk your happiness for THEIR happiness and marry someone that isn't right for you?

My mum has spent the last 6 months trying to set me up with a friend of my brother's. I finally agreed to have lunch with him just to make my mother proud. The guy has issues. I'm sure he's a lovely guy, but he's 25, his mother still makes him breakfast, lunch and dinner, and he didn't respect anything I believed in or talked about. There is no way I'm going to date a guy like that, regardless of whether my mum likes him or not. She can date him if she wants! lol

 

[glitterfairy]

What I've always wanted to know is how those with controlling parents cope?

Speaking on a needs-only basis is also good

 

[grk_styl]

Wow, I'm honestly frightened at these responses. Surely the controlling parents in your situations have realised that they're pushing you away? And surely they'd receive more respect (in their terms) if they gave some out and gave you choices?

I'm definitely starting to respect my parents lesser everyday.

Do you ever wonder if they had kids just to have a miniature version of themselves (when little) and an extension of themselves (when older)?

You just described my mum to a T. My mum's really smart (text book smart that is), and she could have gone on to a medical degree and whatever have you, but she stupidly decided to get married at 17 and have my brother and I. Now she lives her life through my brother and I - making sure we do the uni degrees and she feels is appropriate; having friends whom she finds are good friends; dating people whom she considers 'appropriate'.

 

[simbatim]

My parents like my girlfriend, but do not want it to get in the way of my study.

 

[Kabeio]

My parents like my girlfriend, but do not want it to get in the way of my study.

Ur girlfriend?

leso?

 

[ur_inner_child]

Ur girlfriend?

leso?

Oh no?

:rollseyes:

 

[Kabeio]

Oh no?

:rollseyes:

Cause so many people are fucking dumb cunts and cant put their gender correctly. That is why.

 

[ur_inner_child]

Cause so many people are fucking dumb cunts and cant put their gender correctly. That is why.

Mmm, I don't disagree with that

 

[grk_styl]

Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt for a moment that the majority of parents love their kids regardless, and the kids love the parents, but sometimes I wonder if there's a mutual resentment - parents think kids either screw up their lives or can't live up to their standards, and kids just want freedom and respect and resent the controlling parents. It's just not conducive to having a healthy relationship - particularly if you believe that what you learn from your parents' behaviour has a strong influence on either the relationships you have or if you choose to have kids, the way you bring them up.

//long, off-topic ramble that was brought about by reading too many horror stories of controlling parents

wow that sounds oh so familiar.

I guess we could on and on about controlling parents lol I'm glad my initial question stemmed towards that actually, because it gives you something to think and question about.

It's not only a matter of do your parents approve of your relationship, but also what do you do if they don't approve? I'm still trying to work that one out lol

 

[poloktim]

I know they don't approve at all, but it's all good. I'm used to it now

C'est la vie, as they say.

 

[Always]

I'm definitely starting to respect my parents lesser everyday.


You just described my mum to a T. My mum's really smart (text book smart that is), and she could have gone on to a medical degree and whatever have you, but she stupidly decided to get married at 17 and have my brother and I. Now she lives her life through my brother and I - making sure we do the uni degrees and she feels is appropriate; having friends whom she finds are good friends; dating people whom she considers 'appropriate'.

That sounds like my mum. She is the biggest control-freak. Sometimes I think she lives through me as well. She pushes me into doing all the things she never had a chance to do when she was young, even if I'm not happy doing it. She wants me to excel at everything I do, but nothing is ever good enough for her. She never approves of any of my male friends or boyfriends. She pushes me into dating the dickhead sons of her friends. Even if my boyfriend is textbook perfect she will still be able find faults.

 

[Templar]

OK, I've seen restrictive parents that dictates what their kids should do. Ones that will disapprove any partners. They're alright. But one that forces their kids to date people they choose? That's just too far over the line to be accepted.

 

[grk_styl]

That sounds like my mum. She is the biggest control-freak. Sometimes I think she lives through me as well. She pushes me into doing all the things she never had a chance to do when she was young, even if I'm not happy doing it. She wants me to excel at everything I do, but nothing is ever good enough for her. She never approves of any of my male friends or boyfriends. She pushes me into dating the dickhead sons of her friends. Even if my boyfriend is textbook perfect she will still be able find faults.

you must be my long-lost sister, and we share the same mum

OK, I've seen restrictive parents that dictates what their kids should do. Ones that will disapprove any partners. They're alright. But one that forces their kids to date people they choose? That's just too far over the line to be accepted.

Unfortunately for my mother (fortunately for me), one of the guys she wanted me to date completely broke my heart and the other one seriously has issues. She bombed out twice. Meanwhile, because I know myself better than anyone, I've found the right guy for me.

 

[Casmira]

ive had greek mums interrogate me at work the first things they ask:
you still at high school?
what are you doing ?
you work and uni?
whats your name?

not kidding, perhaps not in that exact order but i get asked about that and they start too allude too their daughter it was worse when i bumped into one of them at hurstville with the daughter with her. its scarier for guys and i will snap one day because a lot of greek girls iknow sheltered are generally spoiled as well

tbh though, from what ive told my parents about girls they generalise ... alot of the time they are very right, when i told them about an aussie girl i liked alot and they asked me how old her parents where (well i told them of her 30 year old sister) they go too me "she might like you, but her parents wont i wouldnt bother trying too change them over either" and would you guess it her parents didnt. i know the proxeniou your parents try too get going may seem wrong and it most likely is, but dont disregard everything your parents say

 

[grk_styl]

i know the proxeniou your parents try too get going may seem wrong and it most likely is, but dont disregard everything your parents say

you have a point. my mum's a pretty good judge of character and I'm happy for her to introduce me to people. I've made some pretty good friends through her trying to put me in a "good, Greek, rich, eastern suburbs, usyd degree" friendship group.

Sounds terrible doesn't it.

I'm quite happy to meet people through proxy, because I know it's in my best interest, but my parents shouldn't expect me to date these guys. Like I said before, some of them are so dodgy. They act like Good Greek Boys on the outside, and deep down they're either players or they're mummy's boys who can't think for themselves.

 

[ujuphleg]

You just described my mum to a T. My mum's really smart (text book smart that is), and she could have gone on to a medical degree and whatever have you, but she stupidly decided to get married at 17 and have my brother and I. Now she lives her life through my brother and I - making sure we do the uni degrees and she feels is appropriate; having friends whom she finds are good friends; dating people whom she considers 'appropriate'.

My mum is similar (ie. she didn't get to go to uni despite being very smart)

She's not as bad as some parents ie: she doesn't introduce me to people she wants me to date and she left me to my own devices in picking a degree.

However, wouldn't your mum just flip out at your completley if you even suggested that she's living life through you? I know mine would sure as hell. (this is just a off the side comment, i don't think you'd be that stupid to suggest it!! )

It's not only a matter of do your parents approve of your relationship, but also what do you do if they don't approve? I'm still trying to work that one out lol

From the responses of so many people in this thread, it seems like if they don't approve, you just cope. You just plod along (like those of us with controlling parents do) and take it as "meh, another thing they don't approve of. I'll just add it to the list as long as George Street"

It also seems to me that its one topic that many kids, particularly those of "ethnic" (you know what i mean there, please don't all jump on top of me at once) backgrounds WON'T compromise with our parents on. We will put up with their shit on a lot of issues like not letting you out past midnight or attending family dinner each week or whatever, but when it comes to picking a partner, they won't budge and it becomes a bit like a stalemate - they will continue to go out with ther parents give in and approve.

I think this a good thing. I put up with a lot of shit from my parents and my friends are always saying, I don't know how you do it. But I see it as, they are my parents, and rightly or wrongly I respect what they say, especially as long as I continue to live for free under their roof. But when it comes to decisions which are important to my future like my degree, my choice of partner, a job perhaps or where I'll live, I won't have these things dictated to me.

 

[Casmira]

you have a point. my mum's a pretty good judge of character and I'm happy for her to introduce me to people. I've made some pretty good friends through her trying to put me in a "good, Greek, rich, eastern suburbs, usyd degree" friendship group.

Sounds terrible doesn't it.

I'm quite happy to meet people through proxy, because I know it's in my best interest, but my parents shouldn't expect me to date these guys. Like I said before, some of them are so dodgy. They act like Good Greek Boys on the outside, and deep down they're either players or they're mummy's boys who can't think for themselves.

the whole reason she sets you up with these sorta guys is because she doesnt want you too go through the same hardships as she has. personality and character is purely based upon you, she wants you too make judgement.

you know my parents kept trying too push me into all sorts of girls that go too church i said no ill find one myself, i go out and i found all sorts of girls that are not 100% in the head and can see the point my parents made. dont get me wrong ive only been looking for a few months, but i saw their point of "most of them aren't ready for a serious relationship" ... because alot of the girls i meet admit too that, dont know how it leaks into the conversation but its true none the less. they also lack serious respect for themselves, though i am not one too judge but nonetheless these sorta qualities i want + been drilled into me.

i have compulsion too go with some wild girl because thats totally opposite of me but then i realise consequences, she could get me hooked onto smoking, drinking, drugs ... remember it all starts with 1 bottle, 1 cigarette, 1 tablet. i know i might be re-repeating what my parents say and you might say mummies boy; but its ultimatley true. pack a day smokers didnt start on a pack a day, they bummed 1 cigarette here and their and the addiction built ... i dont know how that made it into my post