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End of year Ancient History joke (1 Viewer)

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Access Xerxes religious policy

Xerxes’ religious policy was broad, vast, wide and extensive. At this point I’d usually define the key terms however, as a wise man once said ‘to define is to limit’ so for the sake of this essay I shall continue.

The first element of Xerxes’ religious policy was cultic practices. As detailed by our main source Herodotus, Xerxes engaged in a wide variety of cultic practices which included and were not limited to; whipping, the wearing of latex leotards and an ornate ritual involving a purple giraffe chained to three midgets wearing pointy hats, also known as ‘Magi’ (Greek for ‘didn’t make the caste for the Lord of the Ring’s hobbit scene’). However, Herodotus is incorrect when he claims the Persians did not engage with fire rituals. When reviewing such evidence one should remember that Herodotus’ Athenian friend’s colloquially knew him as ‘Herodotia’ due to his fondness of dressing up as a women complete with eye shadow. Maria Brosius also makes the comment that Xerxes’ cultic acts with the magi may have ‘included lewd jests inappropriate in a modern context’. However, Maria Brosius is a woman and therefore her opinion is invalid.

Another central tenet to Xerxes’ religious policy was his relationship with foreign cults. Whilst as Briant points out Xerxes’ predecessor Darius was ‘a pansy’ Xerxes’ policy ‘had balls’. This can be seen through the Divas inscription in which Xerxes issued the following statement to the worshippers of evil spirits:
‘Stop that shit’.
As one great historian concludes ‘I am not an elephant! I am not an animal! I am a human being! I am a man!’ (Farkus).

Finally a major contention of Xerxes’ religious policy is that of his sexuality. Cuyler Young argues that Xerxes may have been a homosexual, taken from the scene in the 300 where upon the approach of Leonidas’ 300 Xerxes shouted ‘I’ve taken WAY more then 300 Spartans big boy’ and as argued by Herodotus, Xerxes may or may not have blown kisses at Theban infantry. However, Dandamaev dismisses this argument, siteing Xerxes’ extensive collection of Gumby videos as recorded in the Persepolis texts. Sansici-Weerdenburg takes an alternative view however, she and I have issues. Therefore whilst the truth of Xerxes’ sexuality will forever remain a mystery ‘one can always dream’ (Briant).

In conclusion, penis.
 
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tku336

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...

but lovely incorporation of sources, i lolled.
 

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