ESSAY STRUCTURING- consumers (1 Viewer)

[school4nerds]

Hey,

I handed in a legal essay and the teacher made a comment about "overall poor structure".

this is how it goes:
para 1 intro (brief background)
para 2 common law
para 3 statute law
para 4 state and federal organisations
para 5 tribunals and courts
para 6 media and NGOs
para 7 conclusion (evaluation)

I'm really unsure as to how to make the structuring better, does anyone know how i could fix the structuring?

 

[applepie1234123]

From what I see. Very poor structure. Max band 3.


You have 7 paragraphs. That's way to many. Plus what's the question.

In one essay your only going to right around 900 words so each paragraph of yours will be ~120 words


In short. Rewrite it all. You honestly need to make a smaller amount of paragraphs

 

[applepie1234123]

From what I see. Very poor structure. Max band 3.


You have 7 paragraphs. That's way to many. Plus what's the question.

In one essay your only going to right around 900 words so each paragraph of yours will be ~120 words


In short. Rewrite it all. You honestly need to make a smaller amount of paragraphs

 

[school4nerds]

From what I see. Very poor structure. Max band 3.


You have 7 paragraphs. That's way to many. Plus what's the question.

In one essay your only going to right around 900 words so each paragraph of yours will be ~120 words


In short. Rewrite it all. You honestly need to make a smaller amount of paragraphs

the question is: Explain how the growing importance of consumer protection has given more power to the consumer since the days of ‘laissez-faire’ and evaluate the effectiveness of these changes in addressing consumer protection issues.

how many paragraphs approx should i have incl intro and conclusion?

also what concepts do you think i should get rid of in my essay?

 

[enoilgam]

the question is: Explain how the growing importance of consumer protection has given more power to the consumer since the days of ‘laissez-faire’ and evaluate the effectiveness of these changes in addressing consumer protection issues.

how many paragraphs approx should i have incl intro and conclusion?

also what concepts do you think i should get rid of in my essay?

I agree with the teacher, you have way too many paragraphs. Also, from the nature of your paragraphs, it seems likely that all you have done is described and identified the law in relation to consumer law as opposed to addressing and analysing the question. By doing this you will not get above a band 4. Check out my Legal essay guide (the link can be found in my sig) - I think it can help you out with the problem you are having.

 

[applepie1234123]

You should rid it all.

Why do you have a paragraph for statue and common law???

Just redo it all c



My family law essay has 6 paragraphs (including intro and conclusion) so absolutely max 6

 

[applepie1234123]

Most of your paragraphs shouldn't be on there own. Most of your paragraphs should be incorporated with others and not be individualized

 

[school4nerds]

Most of your paragraphs shouldn't be on there own. Most of your paragraphs should be incorporated with others and not be individualized

which concepts should be incorporated? also with the common and statute law i included them because i had cases and there are new statute laws (important legislation) in with the intentions of consumer protection.
and the teacher even wrote "concepts could be expanded" and i already have too many words. any suggestions regarding content and what to include etc?

 

[school4nerds]

I agree with the teacher, you have way too many paragraphs. Also, from the nature of your paragraphs, it seems likely that all you have done is described and identified the law in relation to consumer law as opposed to addressing and analysing the question. By doing this you will not get above a band 4. Check out my Legal essay guide (the link can be found in my sig) - I think it can help you out with the problem you are having.

thanks

 

[enoilgam]

The question is asking you to "Evaluate the effectiveness of these changes in addressing consumer protection issues". The first thing you do is answer the question (i.e. yes it is effective, no it isnt or a bit of both). Next, you provide reasons to support your answer. Those reasons form the basis of each paragraph in the body of your essay. The structure you have virtually prevents you from addressing the effectiveness of the law.