This is the sort of thing I'm taking about. Mind you, it's much funnier when you actually see it on TV.
Steve: We all know the Melty Man.
Patrick: Who is he?
Steve: The arch enemy of trouser confidence.
Jeff: Professor Moriati in groin form.
Steve: Darth Vader...
Jeff: Without the helmet.
Patrick: What does he do?
Jeff: Oh Patrick, you know what he does.
Patrick: Oh right.
Jeff: You're in bed with a woman. Everything's going fine. That's when the Melty Man strikes.
Steve: Suddenly you find youself thinking maybe she's really bored.
Jeff: Maybe you're licking her neck too much. Are you over wetting her neck?
Steve: Are you spending an equal amount of time on each breast? I mean, what happens if one breast gets ahead?
Jeff: Should you be switching between them really quickly? Or should you squish them both together and do the both at once?
Steve: Or are you allowed to just skip on breast completely just to save time?
Jeff: She's wriggling about a bit. Is that a good sign or is she just trying to dry her neck?
Steve: Or should you kiss her now? Or does that mean you've got to start at the top again?
Jeff: Should you be making noises yet? Is it too soon to grunt?
Steve: And then the killer. Outof nowhere, for no reason you can think of, you call her baby.
Jeff: You've never called her baby before.
Steve: You've never called anyone baby before.
Jeff: So why did you just call her baby? Suddenly you're starting to blush.
Steve: Now you're blushing and you've got an errection. No one's got enough blood.
Jeff: [In Scottish accent] It's the engines captain, they can-a take it.
Steve: And then the Melty Man hits you with his secret weapon.
Jeff: Just one simple thought placed in your mind at this crucial time.
Steve: Please God, don't let me lose my errection!
Jeff: [Motions forearm dropping 30 degrees from 12 o'clock to 3 o'clock]
Patrick: How do you guys ever manage to have sex?
Steve: We don't.
Jeff: Haven't had sex in years.
Steve: It's just not possible anymore.
Jeff: We are followers of the Melty Man.
Steve: And you are one of us now.
Jeff: You've had threesomes? That's fantastic! Sex with two complete women. Total brilliance!
Steve: Okay Jeff. Calm, focus, breathe.
Jeff: Steve, sex with two whole women. Think of the advantages. They can't both fall asleep.
Steve: Right.
Jeff: And if one of them suddenly leaves or punches you, right, you've still got one left. If one of them plays that old sneaking out of the window trick, there's someone there to untie you. It's total genius.
Patrick: Yeah, but Jeff...
Jeff: And all those breasts. Your bed would be like a breast carpark. It would be like being attacked by the giantbreast octopus. Except this time your mother won't wake you up before the good bit.