For anyone who's bothered to read and give any advice. (1 Viewer)

[ShadowLighte]

Alright so I'm in multiple dilemmas right now and it's not at all simple- maybe another perspective could make it. I'm in Year 12 as of now and at school I'm doing okay, not particularly well. Pretty much throughout my school life I've just cruised along. I mean sure I've studied and spent late nights doing assignments and whatnot but they're mostly last minute things and the only thing I worry about is handing something worthy of about 70% or just anything as long as I pass and is okay.

I'm really worried because my latest report wasn't good at all, in fact is was appalling to me and I feel like I'm in some sort of crisis because I don't know what to do about it. I'm generally a little proud of myself because I barely study and spend heaps of time on things and still do quite well in comparison to others who spend way more time but don't do as well but that's not the way to go.

1) Motivation. I have pretty much zero. I don't think I do my best. I just never want to fail. I don't know what I want to do in the future which is already a worry. My mum isn't really supportive- she always says I'm smart but I'm not trying hard enough and I'm lazy. She compares me to everyone she knows who studied 'to death' all day and night and did well and I don't even study.
She says I have to get into a good uni with atar of at least 80% and if not I'll have to repeat year 12 or I don't know but she threatens me.

2) Subjects + studying habits.
The subjects I do are: standard english, 2U maths, biology, ancient & modern history and CAFS.
I realised that these subjects don't scale well at all.
And getting about 70%? I'll be scaled down for all subjects for sure. I don't really know how to study for my subjects.
I have a tutor for maths and am currently looking for a private one for english because while I was getting 80+ for english I suddenly dropped to 55. And I don't know how it happened. I seem to have hit a plateau as well. I read a lot. But my creative writing is terrible as I seem to grow older.
I think history subjects are fairly easy to study because you basically have to know the content really well and be able to answer essay questions.
With biology it's about understanding the concepts and how things work + relate to other things.
Right now as it's holidays I want to start writing notes for all of my subjects and get into the habit of coming home from school and adding to them so I have good revision notes.

3) Dropping CAFS
I probably should have dropped it or at least asked my mum about it earlier in Term 4 but I didn't and I might have left it too late. In Year 11 I wanted to drop both biology or CAFS and now I'm choosing to drop CAFS because
-the content is so boring and I have no idea how I'm going to remember everything as well as
-scaling [70% = 31.5, 85% = 78.15, are you kidding me)
-presentations (I know it's a lousy excuse to drop because of presentations but it's one of the reasons and my anxiety is too high)
-IRP (5-6 month individual research project) The problem is that I really don't like my topic, I don't know how to research and my anxiety with interviewing people and giving surveys is problematic and I was supposed to be finished researching by now and started writing the report)

4) Mental illness
This is a kind of taboo topic and the stigma surrounding it is terrible but I have social anxiety and I don't know about depression, I know I did but I'm not sure if it's still present. Only one of my friends know about it and my parents/ family have no clue. My mum is not one of those parents that are like your best friend. She despises the thought of a parent-child relationship as friendly. She also has this strange thing with mental illness and I suppose it doesn't help that she's from another generation and hasn't been exposed to many people with it but she sees them as crazy. As in people running around in circles, talking to themselves, hallucinating, wanting to violently murder people etc. Extreme. And she would be in denial if I told her that I had a mental illness and say that I'm just over reacting and not to be stupid or not believe me and say something like 'oh great more problems'.
I don't think I'd be able to tell her anyway. I'm too scared to talk to her directly.

Last year I finally got the courage to talk to my CAFS teacher after we were talking about stress management and she said that if we ever needed any help we could talk to her or the counsellor or something and she put me through to the counsellor. I had a couple of sessions with him but in all honesty it didn't help. He didn't seem very understanding, just wrote things down and nodded. With my anxiety he just told me not to worry about what others were thinking because they weren't thinking about me .. yeah I don't think it's as simple as that and I mean trust me, if it would have worked I wouldn't have needed to see him.
My anxiety is to the point where I can't talk to people in terms of starting a conversation. I can reply because they're expecting a reply but most of the time I'm silent and mostly just smile and nod and don't want to seem rude. I can't seem to get the words out. Giving presentations/ doing orals are hell. I don't know how many there are going to be in Year 12 but in Year 11 there were quite a few group ones so I was okay with it. I can do it with groups, not by myself.
With my depression, it feels like it's always lurking there. Of course some days are worse than others but it's a rollercoaster. Most days I'm fine but others I can be really low though I haven't self harmed in a while and have that pretty well under control. School makes it just so much worse so it'll probably feel like a slap in the face when I go back.

That's pretty much it as of now. The main thing is that I can't seem to do work at my optimal. I don't have anything to motivate me. I don't understand studying every day. I don't know what to do with dropping CAFS. Make some kind of agreement with my mum? I study every day and stop going on the internet and being distracted or something?

I wish I was homeschooled or could self learn and not go to school or go to school lectures and do work at home. I would probably love school then. If you've read this far, thank you for your time. I feel like such a lost cause. I don't know what I can do apart from the study notes thing.

 

[loversinjapan]

Alright so I'm in multiple dilemmas right now and it's not at all simple- maybe another perspective could make it. I'm in Year 12 as of now and at school I'm doing okay, not particularly well. Pretty much throughout my school life I've just cruised along. I mean sure I've studied and spent late nights doing assignments and whatnot but they're mostly last minute things and the only thing I worry about is handing something worthy of about 70% or just anything as long as I pass and is okay.

I'm really worried because my latest report wasn't good at all, in fact is was appalling to me and I feel like I'm in some sort of crisis because I don't know what to do about it. I'm generally a little proud of myself because I barely study and spend heaps of time on things and still do quite well in comparison to others who spend way more time but don't do as well but that's not the way to go.

1) Motivation. I have pretty much zero. I don't think I do my best. I just never want to fail. I don't know what I want to do in the future which is already a worry. My mum isn't really supportive- she always says I'm smart but I'm not trying hard enough and I'm lazy. She compares me to everyone she knows who studied 'to death' all day and night and did well and I don't even study.
She says I have to get into a good uni with atar of at least 80% and if not I'll have to repeat year 12 or I don't know but she threatens me.

2) Subjects + studying habits.
The subjects I do are: standard english, 2U maths, biology, ancient & modern history and CAFS.
I realised that these subjects don't scale well at all.
And getting about 70%? I'll be scaled down for all subjects for sure. I don't really know how to study for my subjects.
I have a tutor for maths and am currently looking for a private one for english because while I was getting 80+ for english I suddenly dropped to 55. And I don't know how it happened. I seem to have hit a plateau as well. I read a lot. But my creative writing is terrible as I seem to grow older.
I think history subjects are fairly easy to study because you basically have to know the content really well and be able to answer essay questions.
With biology it's about understanding the concepts and how things work + relate to other things.
Right now as it's holidays I want to start writing notes for all of my subjects and get into the habit of coming home from school and adding to them so I have good revision notes.

3) Dropping CAFS
I probably should have dropped it or at least asked my mum about it earlier in Term 4 but I didn't and I might have left it too late. In Year 11 I wanted to drop both biology or CAFS and now I'm choosing to drop CAFS because
-the content is so boring and I have no idea how I'm going to remember everything as well as
-scaling [70% = 31.5, 85% = 78.15, are you kidding me)
-presentations (I know it's a lousy excuse to drop because of presentations but it's one of the reasons and my anxiety is too high)
-IRP (5-6 month individual research project) The problem is that I really don't like my topic, I don't know how to research and my anxiety with interviewing people and giving surveys is problematic and I was supposed to be finished researching by now and started writing the report)

4) Mental illness
This is a kind of taboo topic and the stigma surrounding it is terrible but I have social anxiety and I don't know about depression, I know I did but I'm not sure if it's still present. Only one of my friends know about it and my parents/ family have no clue. My mum is not one of those parents that are like your best friend. She despises the thought of a parent-child relationship as friendly. She also has this strange thing with mental illness and I suppose it doesn't help that she's from another generation and hasn't been exposed to many people with it but she sees them as crazy. As in people running around in circles, talking to themselves, hallucinating, wanting to violently murder people etc. Extreme. And she would be in denial if I told her that I had a mental illness and say that I'm just over reacting and not to be stupid or not believe me and say something like 'oh great more problems'.
I don't think I'd be able to tell her anyway. I'm too scared to talk to her directly.

Last year I finally got the courage to talk to my CAFS teacher after we were talking about stress management and she said that if we ever needed any help we could talk to her or the counsellor or something and she put me through to the counsellor. I had a couple of sessions with him but in all honesty it didn't help. He didn't seem very understanding, just wrote things down and nodded. With my anxiety he just told me not to worry about what others were thinking because they weren't thinking about me .. yeah I don't think it's as simple as that and I mean trust me, if it would have worked I wouldn't have needed to see him.
My anxiety is to the point where I can't talk to people in terms of starting a conversation. I can reply because they're expecting a reply but most of the time I'm silent and mostly just smile and nod and don't want to seem rude. I can't seem to get the words out. Giving presentations/ doing orals are hell. I don't know how many there are going to be in Year 12 but in Year 11 there were quite a few group ones so I was okay with it. I can do it with groups, not by myself.
With my depression, it feels like it's always lurking there. Of course some days are worse than others but it's a rollercoaster. Most days I'm fine but others I can be really low though I haven't self harmed in a while and have that pretty well under control. School makes it just so much worse so it'll probably feel like a slap in the face when I go back.

That's pretty much it as of now. The main thing is that I can't seem to do work at my optimal. I don't have anything to motivate me. I don't understand studying every day. I don't know what to do with dropping CAFS. Make some kind of agreement with my mum? I study every day and stop going on the internet and being distracted or something?

I wish I was homeschooled or could self learn and not go to school or go to school lectures and do work at home. I would probably love school then. If you've read this far, thank you for your time. I feel like such a lost cause. I don't know what I can do apart from the study notes thing.

The fact that you can set out your 'multiple dilemmas' so clearly shows that you will make it through this - you say that you have no motivation but you're already seeking help. I'm proud of you, many people don't even make it this far.

The first piece of advice I will offer you after reading everything you've written, despite sounding silly, is to try and control your stress. Do whatever it takes, alone time/meditation, taking deep breaths, listening to calming music, having showers (my personal favourite) etc. Once you've learned to manage your stress, you'll find it much easier to work through your problems one by one with an objective goal in mind.

Don't use your past experiences at school or 'low scaling subjects' as an excuse for failure. Funnily enough, a lot of kids cruise through years 7-10 without paying much attention in class or studying and still manage to get good marks. Now that you've entered year 12, kids are really starting to value their ranks/marks and as a result you do need to familiarise yourself with content/exam technique if you want to do well - I'll repeat, LOTS of kids are shocked by the transition from year 10 - 11 - 12.

1) The first step is to set goals. You say you're not motivated yet you are concerned about failing? You are motivated, you just don't know how to channel that motivation. Set both short term and long term goals (e.g. I started year 12 saying, "I want to come first in all my internals" which was realistic considering my school rank/the co-hort) then organise yourself. You can start off small, with something like, "I want to improve from my last assessment mark," or "I want to get a raw mark of 80%" - but don't ever limit yourself or use past marks as an excuse to limit your potential. If you work smart enough, you'll get the marks. Don't excel in the HSC solely for the sake of your mum or societal acceptance, do it because you have the potential and want to do well. Not knowing which course you want to do is more of a reason to do well - the higher your ATAR, the more courses you have to choose from. Just do your best, that's all you can do.

2) Yes, you need to work on your marks and ranks if you want to do well with those subjects - but look at it this way... if you are deserving of the marks you want, then your ranks should just follow automatically. There's no point in saying 'I couldn't get a band 5/6 because my subjects scaled crap' when you had an entire year to get your rank up and perfect your mark. Things like presentations and whatnot, if you want the marks bad enough then you'll adapt. (I know this is a bit cut throat/insensitive, but honestly, it's just the HSC, you'll forget about it once you're done and all the people who went along with it if you want - all it's good for is getting you into uni)

4) I don't understand what you'e been through personally but I am aware of how crippling depression/social anxiety can be as a family member of mine also suffers from mental illness - it's all about building a support network and reminding yourself that it's okay to make mistakes and fail, no-one is expecting you to be perfect man. Yes, some people are inherently shit and will judge you, but I promise they're not really worth your time. Just do your personal best and everything else will follow. I would recommend seeing a GP or your school counsellor (even if it seems pointless) if it significantly impacts upon your education, then you can apply for EAS - I'm sorry that I can't offer any further advice, particularly in relation to dealing with your home environment, I just don't feel as if it's my place to do so. (but please feel free to PM me)


In terms of your desire to work through the HSC at home or more alone - you can pretty much do the HSC course alone, excluding group assignments etc. I would recommend getting the syllabus for each subject and slowly working through it by yourself, writing notes, gathering research etc. It actually gets fun after awhile.

Lastly, you're not a lose cause. Everyone faces their own battles and I'm sure by facing the ones you've mentioned, you're going to become a unique and wonderful individual who can empathise with others who have faced similar issues.

 

[strawberrye]

1) Motivation-like loversinjapan said-set some goals-what fields are you interested in, aim for an ATAR that will allow you to have a wider range of possible career option, something like 90+ or 95+. Maybe your source of motivation can actually be as simple as not wanting to have any regrets at the conclusion of your HSC year that you haven't try your best when you could. There is many people on BOS forums and in your real life that can assist you, so please don't despair.

2)) Subjects + studying habits.
The subjects I do are: standard english, 2U maths, biology, ancient & modern history and CAFS.
Have a read through the senior studies guide I have complied: http://community.boredofstudies.org...how-excel-senior-year-studies-yr-11-12-a.html (There is tips for maximising English potential-applies to Advanced and Standard, study habits, tips for science and maths subjects as well)

I know many people who have done 'low-scaling subject' and manage to get a 90+ ATAR, work hard in these subjects consistently throughout the year and you will achieve your ATAR goal-whatever that may be.

I welcome you to send your creative writing and essays to my email at strawberrye@live.com.au for some free advice on how you can improveThere is still three more terms for you to change things around so it is never too late unless you think it is and you make it so.

3) Dropping CAFS
Well, if you genuinely don't like this subject-then by all means, do drop it, however, before you drop it, I highly advise you to check out this thread and email OP-she is a 2013 HSC graduate and got a state ranking in CAFs and I encourage you to ask her for some guidance in CAFs before you truly decide to drop it.
http://community.boredofstudies.org...ering-free-essay-checking-online-tuition.html

4)Mental Illness
Don't be afraid to seek help-just make sure you don't over stress yourself, plan everything out and always take care of yourself, talk to a friend or a trusted person like your CAFs teacher if you can feel that a depression episode is nearing, make sure you do something that makes you happy everyday, drink plenty of water and make sure you sustain a positive psychological mindset to everything. Remember, when you fail, you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Don't let adversities deter you, let them be motivators for you to strive greater success

One last piece of advice-HSC is a marathon race-so put things into perspectives, yes, do try your best-and even if your results are not as ideal-don't give up until the last second of your external HSC exams-you have many people willing to guide you and support you through this very stressful year. If you need anymore advice or help about anything, please feel free to PM me Hope this helps and all the best for your HSC year-I have faith you can get through it and achieve brilliant results-but you must have faith in yourself!

 

[Lina3]

3) Dropping CAFS
I probably should have dropped it or at least asked my mum about it earlier in Term 4 but I didn't and I might have left it too late. In Year 11 I wanted to drop both biology or CAFS and now I'm choosing to drop CAFS because
-the content is so boring and I have no idea how I'm going to remember everything as well as
-scaling [70% = 31.5, 85% = 78.15, are you kidding me)
-presentations (I know it's a lousy excuse to drop because of presentations but it's one of the reasons and my anxiety is too high)
-IRP (5-6 month individual research project) The problem is that I really don't like my topic, I don't know how to research and my anxiety with interviewing people and giving surveys is problematic and I was supposed to be finished researching by now and started writing the report)

4) Mental illness
This is a kind of taboo topic and the stigma surrounding it is terrible but I have social anxiety and I don't know about depression, I know I did but I'm not sure if it's still present. Only one of my friends know about it and my parents/ family have no clue. My mum is not one of those parents that are like your best friend. She despises the thought of a parent-child relationship as friendly. She also has this strange thing with mental illness and I suppose it doesn't help that she's from another generation and hasn't been exposed to many people with it but she sees them as crazy. As in people running around in circles, talking to themselves, hallucinating, wanting to violently murder people etc. Extreme. And she would be in denial if I told her that I had a mental illness and say that I'm just over reacting and not to be stupid or not believe me and say something like 'oh great more problems'.
I don't think I'd be able to tell her anyway. I'm too scared to talk to her directly.

Last year I finally got the courage to talk to my CAFS teacher after we were talking about stress management and she said that if we ever needed any help we could talk to her or the counsellor or something and she put me through to the counsellor. I had a couple of sessions with him but in all honesty it didn't help. He didn't seem very understanding, just wrote things down and nodded. With my anxiety he just told me not to worry about what others were thinking because they weren't thinking about me .. yeah I don't think it's as simple as that and I mean trust me, if it would have worked I wouldn't have needed to see him.
My anxiety is to the point where I can't talk to people in terms of starting a conversation. I can reply because they're expecting a reply but most of the time I'm silent and mostly just smile and nod and don't want to seem rude. I can't seem to get the words out. Giving presentations/ doing orals are hell. I don't know how many there are going to be in Year 12 but in Year 11 there were quite a few group ones so I was okay with it. I can do it with groups, not by myself.
With my depression, it feels like it's always lurking there. Of course some days are worse than others but it's a rollercoaster. Most days I'm fine but others I can be really low though I haven't self harmed in a while and have that pretty well under control. School makes it just so much worse so it'll probably feel like a slap in the face when I go back.

That's pretty much it as of now. The main thing is that I can't seem to do work at my optimal. I don't have anything to motivate me. I don't understand studying every day. I don't know what to do with dropping CAFS. Make some kind of agreement with my mum? I study every day and stop going on the internet and being distracted or something?

I wish I was homeschooled or could self learn and not go to school or go to school lectures and do work at home. I would probably love school then. If you've read this far, thank you for your time. I feel like such a lost cause. I don't know what I can do apart from the study notes thing.

1 & 2 -There is really not much I would add regarding the first two points, loversinjapan and strawberryy have addressed them splendidly. You say that you don't want to fail and are not sure about what you want to do in the future, try channeling that into getting the best ATAR you can so that more options are open to you even if you are still unsure after the HSC.

3 & 4- There are a few things I would like to add since I have gone through a similar thing to what you are going through. I will also address this as one point since the various features of your mental illness seem to be the dominant factor when it comes to the issue of dropping CAFS. However, if I am incorrect in my assumption and you do indeed just dislike it as a subject, there is no shame in dropping it.

Hating to do presentations is also not a lousy reason as there is something that stopping you you from being able to do it like others can. In this I can offer my empathy. I have a stutter that is usually minor, yet when it comes to doing public speeches I find I cannot speak properly and words just don't come out easily if I just stand and read off a card or something. Here are some tips that may help:

*Memorize your speech/presentation. If its just a power point, you can remember the main parts and elaborate on the spot. However, if you find this difficult you can always memorize it as a speech. Either way, it helps to know exactly what you are talking about.
*Breath. I know its a cliche but breathing is very important when it comes to releaxation. The reason it doesn't seem work is because most people are not doing it right. The words "Take a deep breath" usually prompts a person to fill up their lungs as much as they can and start breathing from their chest, which is the very thing you want to avoid. Humans naturally breath from their diaphragm, and 'incorrect' breathing from the chest (which is usually shallow and rapid) has been linked to the development of anxiety. So, try looking up some breathing exercises, if done right I found they can be very beneficial.
*Ask your teacher if you can do the presentation in front of them only. This is not as uncommon as you may think, I've known people who don't have any mental issues request that because they are more comfortable with it.
*Apply for special consideration through your school. If you feel your condition has an adverse impact on ANY aspect of your schooling, it is worthwhile applying for special consideration.

I know you said that mental illness is a taboo topic, but there is a lot more conversation about it these days so do not be afraid to speak up. Gone are the days when the depressed and anxious would be locked away with the schizophreniacs and criminally insane. In fact, with the fast-paced and competitive nature of our society, you'll find that many teenagers, adults and even children suffer from similar problems, so always remember you are not alone. With counseling/psychology, its all about getting the right help from the right person. With illnesses of the mind being so diverse, there is no 'one cure fits all' like taking Panadol for a headache. Words that can calm down/cheer up one person, can make another feel even worse and trigger more anxieties. While, I cannot offer specific advice one of the most wise and true things I have ever heard is that happiness and contentment come from within. Just as the mind is capable of wondering and worrying you, it is also capable of healing itself and forgetting. It may seem simplistic but all cases of people overcoming depression/anxiety I have come across, including my own, is just a case of accepting that these feelings are unnecessary, letting go of them and forgetting.

Sorry for the long winded response. You are not a lost cause at all, everyone has demons they must struggle with. The important thing is not to let them overshadow who you really are and what you want to be

 

[rumbleroar]

Hey,

HSC can be really stressful. I myself felt the burdens of it in the first term. Heck, I burnt out pretty badly towards the end of the term and went on procrastination binges and am only starting to get back into the rhythm of things. I did poorly in one assessment and that made me extremely stressed and not in a good place, and that stress almost contributed to my burn out but from what I've learnt, those marks barely mean a thing in 10 or 20 years, and it's something insignificant. So what I'm trying to say is, don't let school and marks and stuff like that get to you, otherwise it can really intensify stress, which is something extremely unwanted when you're doing the HSC, as you need to be in a relatively calm mindframe.

And you know what, everyone's talked about this a lot and it's only the first assessment. I hope you understand you still have 3 more terms of assessments to compensate for those results. There isn't a magic recipe that will guarantee getting good results (although I really do wish ), but a lot of it comes down to knowing yourself, and where your strengths and weaknesses lie. If you work to your strengths, fix your weaknesses, it can really make a difference in terms of school marks and mentality. For example, you might be better in English than maths. Instead of spending a lot of your time on English, identify your problem areas in maths and write specific targets you think will help you overcome those weaknesses. This can also apply to how you approach studying as well. For example, if you know you study better at night, make sure all the study you do at night is what counts.

1. Find intrinsic motivation, i.e. motivation in yourself. Don't be motivated by external factors (i.e. your mum) because that type of motivation can only get you so far. Finding it within yourself to do better is the best push during the HSC I recommend you find a course you want to do, and work towards achieving that ATAR. If you don't know what course you want to do, set an ATAR aim and find out what kinds of marks you need to achieve that ATAR and work towards that. You said yourself you don't want to fail, but it's best to work towards your personal best, as opposed to other people's definitions of best.

2. Don't say stuff like, I want to do this or do that. just do it. It can be hard to find a starting point, but what a lot of other 2014 HSC'ers and myself have done is start a study journal to track progress. Imagine starting today and working progressively for a week or month and looking back on the work you've done. It feels really good to know you've achieved and accomplished something, so I would probably recommend that Also if you need any help with your subjects, there are so many people on BoS willing to help you out with all your subjects. Just have confidence in yourself, as my friend says a lot: if you believe you can do it, you're already halfway there. (the other half require lots of hard work )

3. If you don't believe CAFS is working out for you, drop it. But I'm assuming you'll be on 10 units and need to perform well in those other units for a good ATAR.

4. Mental illness shouldn't be considered a 'taboo' topic. Irrelevant, but, I think you need to build a support network outside your family from what you've described. You might want to see a counsellor (not the one you were talking about, though) or psychologist, because I can't give you good enough advice, due to my lack of experience in those fields. But if there's a friend, trusted relative or adult you can talk to about these issues, I recommend you do because it feels good to tell people things, even if they can't really help (technically they're helping by listening to you ). If you need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.

Best of luck with everything, and again, don't hesitate to PM me if you're ever stuck in a really big rut

 

[d-alarmclock]

Hey, sounds like you're under a lot of stress right now.

First thing I want to say is, forget everything for at least a day. Go out (even if it is by yourself). I mean, I sometimes go to the movies to watch something myself, or laze around on the grass at the park. Just get rid of the stress, anxiety that's being bottled up.

Next, set very EXTREMELY short-term goals. By short term I mean like ones for the next day. and push yourself to do them. Don't give yourself an option. I understand what you mean by no motivation, this is how I've been cling with doing work continuously. Getting a diary may also help. Everyday make a plan for yourself, a list of things you want to get done, and strike them off one by one as you complete them.

With CAFS, do whatever you think is right. You're the one doing the subject in the end, and if it's not working out well, then drop it. Or don't. It's your choice.

Lastly, mental illness. I agree it is still a 'taboo' topic for SOME adults. Best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to someone about it. Maybe a friend, or a sibling, or a councillor, (or me if you want, I don't mind ).


I wish you all the best, chat me up if you need some more motivation

 

[ShadowLighte]

Wow that's a lot of advice, a lot more than I thought I'd ever get. I guess the only thing I can say is thank you, I appreciate all of your words greatly and while I do feel a lot better, I'm not sure how it will last. I suppose I could just re-read these to boost my mood. Anyway, thank you guys, you give me hope.

I never knew there was such a thing as EAS. I'd always wished that there was something that could maybe exempt me from speaking in front of the class due to my mental illness or anything that would help with my disadvantage. I searched through the site and apparently entry has already been CLOSED?! I don't know, I might not have read it right. I don't know why my school didn't notify the students.

I guess with motivation, I do have some and yeah, I probably don't know how to channel it. It's just hard to keep going. I go through phases of wanting to do well and study and whatnot and then phases of not caring because I wouldn't get anywhere anyway. Hope. And faith in myself.

What can I do if with CAFS, my mum won't sign the form to let me drop it? I was thinking that I could just let my teacher know the situation and allow me to not do work so I'd be essentially dropping the subject by failing it and focusing on my other subjects? Doesn't sound great but I don't know what else to do.

In terms of the presentations and public speaking, I already do those things. I memorise my speeches like crazy but have palm cards in case I get a mind blank but the feelings are so bad and calming myself down is the hardest thing. I feel it physically and inside it's insane but I suppose I've survived this long so I could continue. With asking teachers to do it at lunch or something, that has happened three times already because they were individual presentations and I literally asked for a zero. I would not do it. They said no and the least I was to do was to do it at lunch because for some reason they don't like giving zeros? Not all teachers do it though.

With my mental illness, I do speak to one person about it but what can they do? I would really love to get professional help, medication or something but it's my mum. I can't go anywhere on my own -I'm not allowed because my mum is over protective and I'd be scared to.

I am planning on studying alone. Group things feel like a waste of time but I suppose they work for others better than I. I'm thinking about staying in the library to study but it feels so lonely and hostile. I don't have a good support group. My family is barely one and my friends .. well they aren't really friends, being so competitive and whatnot.

From this, what I can do now is set short, daily goals and study the syllabuses + make notes. I'll keep all of your offers of assistance in mind. Thank you again!