I wonder, however, if you are aware of the full extent of the crisis regarding French allusions in English and, in the interests of being consistent and comprehensive, I feel compelled to strongly suggest that the following substitutions be made in American usage of English immediately, at least within jurisdiction. Please consider sponsoring a bill to this effect.
And of course, even though the French are intelligent, independent, and mature people capable of reaching their own conclusions about the best course of action in foreign affairs; and cognizant of the fact that they have been good friends and consistent allies to the United States; I suggest that in American usage of English we as allies to the noble country no longer have the need to refer to friends, but just willing partners who see things our way. After all, isn’t that what friends are for? Therefore please enact the following change immediately:
Was…
French Horn
French Bread
French Doors
French Windows
French Dressing
French Maid
French Dip
French Kissing
French Rivera
French Vanilla Ice Cream
French Onion Soup
French Mustard
French Poodle
Friendship (“French”ip)
. . . will now be
Freedom Horn
Liberty Bread
Liberty Doors
Windows of Freedom
Liberty Dressing
Freedom Maid
Dip of Freedom
Liberty Kissing
Rivera of Freedom
Victory Vanilla
Onion Soup of Freedom
Freedom Mustard (or Freetard, slang)
Freedom Poodle
Coalition of the Willing
Good luck to you, Congressman, you are indeed fighting a noble fight. In
your linguistic crusade, I am, yours in the struggle.