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HELP modernist short story paragraph (1 Viewer)

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Dec 15, 2008
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2011
Hi I have to write a short story for modernism and I'm wondering if this sounds "modernist". Any other feedback, pleaseee and thank you:cold:


The premonition that I was once again subjected to enjoy a bright, sunny day hit me square on the face. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I had been running for my life. The matter of life and death in this case had been the silver tin train that was now slowly slithering away from me on a path it was destined to follow. The colourful bodies squished together from behind the transparent doors stared blankly at me as time carried them to who knows where.

However, the rattling soon disappeared into nothingness and I remained standing, wondering if I was living my destiny as well. I must have resembled a Voodoo zombie because I had been involuntarily ignorant of my dear aunt who had been waving across the platform to me. I blinked, just in time, for the transparent doors to open up for me. I stepped inside, surely a sign of progress.
 

steph xx

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Mar 7, 2010
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sure thing that's modernist; you've got the entire 'uncertainity' theme holding out for you as well as the promise of technological advances (i hope). try and incorporate a motif which represents your modernist ideas and the central concept of your short story.

perhaps language slightly more formal, too.
 

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