I'm writing a short story for my English Extension assessment task. Our topic is Science Fiction.
If you have time can you please read through what i've written so far. I'm finding it difficult to think of anything and i ended up writing a 3000 word story (hadn't even finished) when i have to make it atleast under 2000 words. I cut so much out of it and now i just feel jumbled and confused. :S
I feel like i can't write what i had in mind because it would be too long..
Please if you have the time read through and tell me what i need to do to fix it!
I DON"T KNOW WHAT I"M DOING ANYMORE!!!
REMINDER: This is not edited, finished or polished!
May E025 - Earth
Calib was running as fast as he could. “Leave me alone!” he shouted behind him.
“What a cry baby!” one of the boys yelled to the others. All 3 of them laughed. They had found a new toy to kick around. Calib didn’t understand, he hadn’t done anything wrong.
Thunder rolled in the sky as rain pelted down onto the asphalt of the empty streets. No one would be out in such weather. Calib almost slipped on the wet ground as he made a sharp turn into an alleyway. Wrong turn. The boys had him cornered and Calib knew what was coming next. But before they could lay a hand on him a piercing scream escaped from his mouth. A beam of bright green light flashed through the entire alley and vanished almost as fast as it had appeared. No one noticed. No one was outside. Except for Calib. He stood in the alley way, alone and crying, and staring at his hands. The hands that had just made the green laser that incinerated his 3 bullies.
March E035 – Earth
Calib had been working at a fast-food restaurant for 7 years and was only just starting to think about it. He was focusing on making the perfect ice-cream swirl when there was a sudden tremor in the ground. He dropped the cone, forgetting his order and walked to the window. A low humming sound reverberated in the night sky and all Calib could do was look up. The costumers in line also heard the sound and were briskly exiting the building to see what was going on. At that moment the whole building shook, people screamed and the lights blew. It was then dark and quiet, except for above. Loud thuds came from the roof of the fast-food restaurant. Everyone was still, listening quietly. All of a sudden figures were smashing in through the large windows from all 4 sides. The screaming began again as green lights shone their way around the room, like they were searching. One stopped in Calib’s face, blinding him. “Hey, over here!” a deep voice shouted. More lights shone in Calib’s face and he squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear more figures moving towards him.
The next thing Calib knew he was in a bright metal room with 1 tiny round window. Outside he could see nothing but darkness. A metal door slid open to reveal a young woman dressed in a dark green armoured uniform. She walked up to Calib and looking him straight in the eye. “Calib Kowalski, birth date September 12th 2015?”, it sounded more like a statement then a question. She raised her eyebrows at him when he didn’t answer. “Calib Kowalski, birth –“
“Yeah that’s me”, he said cutting her off. “Hey I don’t know what’s going on, but I promise”, he raised his hand “I’m innoce-“
“Stop right there!” The woman said firmly as she quickly raised her left hand towards Calib face. Calib noticed a dull green light shining under the green material of her glove. He lowered his hands and held his breath, eyes remaining focused on her palm. She raised her other hand to her mouth speaking into it: “I’ve got him - Cell 3. Let the other’s go”. She then lowered both arms and met Calib’s eyes. “Calib Kowalski, you are sitting in a laser-proof steel cell. You will be unable to escape so please do not waste your energy on attempting to. This laser-proof cell is one of 10 on the TAMS Ship 2000. Do you have any enquiries or comments before we leave?” She spoke right into Calib’s face.
“TAMS Ship? 3000?” Calib replied. He was incredibly confused and started to think that maybe this whole event was a dream. A dream created by his own mind.
“Time And Movement in Space. 2000” She explained and corrected Calib quickly. He thought she even saw her roll her eyes just slightly.
“Right”, Calib almost laughed. “Where are we going? Mars?” He asked sarcastically. The woman frowned.
“No, I’m afraid we don’t have the supplies to make that trip today. Our mission is to take you straight to New Earth 2100. Now if you excuse me, I’m needed in the Controls Room”. Before Calib could ask more questions she stepped out through the door and it slid closed, shut tight like it had never been a door in the first place.
March E100 – New Earth
Calib couldn’t understand what the Green suited men were saying. Something about time movement, future earth, offspring, out of hand, earth’s end. Just last night he had been making ice-cream’s and day dreaming about his future. Now he was there – the future.
He was lying on a medical bed. His hands were strapped down palms facing up. One suited man was probing around his palm and up the inside of his arm. It tickled and he wanted to laugh so bad. He held back the giggles and let the young woman from his cell ask him a few questions.
“When did you first notice the lasers? Did you ever hurt anyone with them? Have you ever had thoughts about taking over the world? Do you know if perhaps a parent or grandparent had the same ability? Have you thought about having children?” She asked all her questions without giving Calib time to think about them or answer them. She continued to stare at Calib, not once changing her serious focus.
“Could you just explain why I’m here? I mean, I know I’m different. I’ve got green lasers that shoot out of my hands now and then. But is this all really necessary?” Calib asked attempting to lift his hands against the straps.
“I assure you this is all necessary. We have landed in the time of your grandson, Loksis Kawalski. He was somehow born with your ability; whereas your own son was not. Loksis’ ability, however, is much stronger than yours was.” She paused to glance at Calib’s hands. “Is”, she corrected herself. “We need you
FEEDBACK ACCEPTED> PLEASE HELP ME OUT!
If you have time can you please read through what i've written so far. I'm finding it difficult to think of anything and i ended up writing a 3000 word story (hadn't even finished) when i have to make it atleast under 2000 words. I cut so much out of it and now i just feel jumbled and confused. :S
I feel like i can't write what i had in mind because it would be too long..
Please if you have the time read through and tell me what i need to do to fix it!
I DON"T KNOW WHAT I"M DOING ANYMORE!!!
REMINDER: This is not edited, finished or polished!
May E025 - Earth
Calib was running as fast as he could. “Leave me alone!” he shouted behind him.
“What a cry baby!” one of the boys yelled to the others. All 3 of them laughed. They had found a new toy to kick around. Calib didn’t understand, he hadn’t done anything wrong.
Thunder rolled in the sky as rain pelted down onto the asphalt of the empty streets. No one would be out in such weather. Calib almost slipped on the wet ground as he made a sharp turn into an alleyway. Wrong turn. The boys had him cornered and Calib knew what was coming next. But before they could lay a hand on him a piercing scream escaped from his mouth. A beam of bright green light flashed through the entire alley and vanished almost as fast as it had appeared. No one noticed. No one was outside. Except for Calib. He stood in the alley way, alone and crying, and staring at his hands. The hands that had just made the green laser that incinerated his 3 bullies.
March E035 – Earth
Calib had been working at a fast-food restaurant for 7 years and was only just starting to think about it. He was focusing on making the perfect ice-cream swirl when there was a sudden tremor in the ground. He dropped the cone, forgetting his order and walked to the window. A low humming sound reverberated in the night sky and all Calib could do was look up. The costumers in line also heard the sound and were briskly exiting the building to see what was going on. At that moment the whole building shook, people screamed and the lights blew. It was then dark and quiet, except for above. Loud thuds came from the roof of the fast-food restaurant. Everyone was still, listening quietly. All of a sudden figures were smashing in through the large windows from all 4 sides. The screaming began again as green lights shone their way around the room, like they were searching. One stopped in Calib’s face, blinding him. “Hey, over here!” a deep voice shouted. More lights shone in Calib’s face and he squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear more figures moving towards him.
The next thing Calib knew he was in a bright metal room with 1 tiny round window. Outside he could see nothing but darkness. A metal door slid open to reveal a young woman dressed in a dark green armoured uniform. She walked up to Calib and looking him straight in the eye. “Calib Kowalski, birth date September 12th 2015?”, it sounded more like a statement then a question. She raised her eyebrows at him when he didn’t answer. “Calib Kowalski, birth –“
“Yeah that’s me”, he said cutting her off. “Hey I don’t know what’s going on, but I promise”, he raised his hand “I’m innoce-“
“Stop right there!” The woman said firmly as she quickly raised her left hand towards Calib face. Calib noticed a dull green light shining under the green material of her glove. He lowered his hands and held his breath, eyes remaining focused on her palm. She raised her other hand to her mouth speaking into it: “I’ve got him - Cell 3. Let the other’s go”. She then lowered both arms and met Calib’s eyes. “Calib Kowalski, you are sitting in a laser-proof steel cell. You will be unable to escape so please do not waste your energy on attempting to. This laser-proof cell is one of 10 on the TAMS Ship 2000. Do you have any enquiries or comments before we leave?” She spoke right into Calib’s face.
“TAMS Ship? 3000?” Calib replied. He was incredibly confused and started to think that maybe this whole event was a dream. A dream created by his own mind.
“Time And Movement in Space. 2000” She explained and corrected Calib quickly. He thought she even saw her roll her eyes just slightly.
“Right”, Calib almost laughed. “Where are we going? Mars?” He asked sarcastically. The woman frowned.
“No, I’m afraid we don’t have the supplies to make that trip today. Our mission is to take you straight to New Earth 2100. Now if you excuse me, I’m needed in the Controls Room”. Before Calib could ask more questions she stepped out through the door and it slid closed, shut tight like it had never been a door in the first place.
March E100 – New Earth
Calib couldn’t understand what the Green suited men were saying. Something about time movement, future earth, offspring, out of hand, earth’s end. Just last night he had been making ice-cream’s and day dreaming about his future. Now he was there – the future.
He was lying on a medical bed. His hands were strapped down palms facing up. One suited man was probing around his palm and up the inside of his arm. It tickled and he wanted to laugh so bad. He held back the giggles and let the young woman from his cell ask him a few questions.
“When did you first notice the lasers? Did you ever hurt anyone with them? Have you ever had thoughts about taking over the world? Do you know if perhaps a parent or grandparent had the same ability? Have you thought about having children?” She asked all her questions without giving Calib time to think about them or answer them. She continued to stare at Calib, not once changing her serious focus.
“Could you just explain why I’m here? I mean, I know I’m different. I’ve got green lasers that shoot out of my hands now and then. But is this all really necessary?” Calib asked attempting to lift his hands against the straps.
“I assure you this is all necessary. We have landed in the time of your grandson, Loksis Kawalski. He was somehow born with your ability; whereas your own son was not. Loksis’ ability, however, is much stronger than yours was.” She paused to glance at Calib’s hands. “Is”, she corrected herself. “We need you
FEEDBACK ACCEPTED> PLEASE HELP ME OUT!