how do you know if it should be over? thoughts/ suggestions (1 Viewer)

[aimstar555]

i've been in this situation a few time with my partner and if he's really hurting you like this, then why are you still with him?? if your starting to doubt the sustainability of this relationship, i suggest you call it a day and take it easy for a while. there's only so long you can stay on this recurring ride until you really want to get off.
u mentioned finding it at times pointless and boring. it's a fact: GUYS MOST OF THE TIME DON'T CARE WHAT WE DO ON DATES!! they just don't want to think about it. my man dosen't and most guys think that it's the gf's job to makes plans etc. if you can stand it and try and work it to your advantage then that's great, but if you start to feel like "he dosen't like/love/want me anymore" you gotta talk to him...then maybe sum makeup sex i'm joking i hope it works out 4 ya

 

[*~bunni~*]

aww im glad i found someone to relate to! very confusing, damn boys!

hope it all works out for u newii!

 

[JRPeck]

Do you share your hurt with him?


When he hurts you, do you kindly (or however) share your hurt with him?

Just holding on signals me that I need to deepen my relationship. I need to dare to share more about myself. I need to create a sense of mutual trust, a desire to listen to self-revealing talk.

 

[.:newii]

2 all the ppl who care...i broke it off with him!!
the thing is... we got back like 5mins after
i dunno what happened, i heard him sniffing and stuff and when he told me that he doesnt want 2 c me until it stops hurting i started crying!
then i got all vulnerable and we worked out that we'll play it cool and he'll give me some space etc.
once i heard him crying (well sniffing) i dunno, all my anger just flew away. and when i kiss him, its just like everything was like it was normal again. but the thing is, im still sometimes reluctant to say "i love u" but then other times i want 2 say it soo much!!

u guys think im still with him bcoz i pity him??

 

[braad]

u mentioned finding it at times pointless and boring. it's a fact: GUYS MOST OF THE TIME DON'T CARE WHAT WE DO ON DATES!! they just don't want to think about it. my man dosen't and most guys think that it's the gf's job to makes plans etc. if you can stand it and try and work it to your advantage then that's great, but if you start to feel like "he dosen't like/love/want me anymore" you gotta talk to him...then maybe sum makeup sex i'm joking i hope it works out 4 ya

u...r officially cool....because u have figured it out....so u r cool

aww im glad i found someone to relate to! very confusing, damn boys!

hope it all works out for u newii!

u r not so cool.... we arent very confusing


PS. .:newi i think ur back because u pity him, b strong n at least have a decent break, jus coz he cries dusnt mean he means it, damn...i can cry on demand, n its surprising how fuckin gullible u girls r to it thats my warning

 

[MuffinMan]

lol brad i thought u said girls were confusing

 

[braad]

they r

we arent very confusing....we're mildly confusing to add drama to our lives so that u wonderful girls can feel important and loved when we make up

 

[JRPeck]

[u guys think im still with him bcoz i pity him??]
Quit feeling sorry for him and you will see what's left. You may not like the "roller coaster" but you're doing real good.

 

[*~bunni~*]

good on ya newii! thats even better that u worked it out than broke it off!!!!! yay now its all good )

 

[beccaxx]

i've been with my bf for 7 months now and it feels as though i give up so much more of my life for him than he does for me. i know that he does love me more than i love him. but the thing is, he is always the one who ends up hurting me. he is the one that does all the stupid things and in the end i keep taking him back. but now its as though our relationship has moved away from being fun and moved onto being kind of boring. like everytime i see him we do the same things, its as if i've lost the spark, but the thing i dont get is that i get excited when i see him, but when i actually do its like, oh you again.

recently everytime he says that he loves me, im always reluctant to say it back, or i just dont say anything. i've been having these doubts on and off for like 2 months now and i dont know what to do. he wants to be with me, but i dont know if im willing to risk my HSC year for him because in the end it's like am i really going to be with him for the rest of my life. i cant change who he is and, i know this sounds so slack, but if this is all he can offer and if its gonna be like this for the rest of my life than i dont want to be with him, because i want someone better.

he doesnt know im feeling this way or that ive been having doubts because i dont want to freak him out and also i dont know what i want myself.

has anyone else been in a similar situation or any suggestions/ thoughts that may be helpful?

same same same.

but mines with my best friend. and this weekend we had a fight n he goes im so sorry i love u so much, and i just snapped. im over boys thinkin they can buy us back with the l word. im over putting 150% in so he can only put in 50%.

im over it i tell u !!!!!!!!!!

i dont think our friendship is as fantastic as it was. now if a chic came along, or a boy came 4 me, its like id hav 2 break up with my mate b4 i could date, cos u cant hav 2 ppl in that spot.

rahhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry 4 ranting.

 

[*ashlea*]

2 all the ppl who care...i broke it off with him!!
the thing is... we got back like 5mins after
i dunno what happened, i heard him sniffing and stuff and when he told me that he doesnt want 2 c me until it stops hurting i started crying!
then i got all vulnerable and we worked out that we'll play it cool and he'll give me some space etc.
once i heard him crying (well sniffing) i dunno, all my anger just flew away. and when i kiss him, its just like everything was like it was normal again. but the thing is, im still sometimes reluctant to say "i love u" but then other times i want 2 say it soo much!!

u guys think im still with him bcoz i pity him??

i think that the fact that question is on your mind means u probably are still with him because u pity him.. if u really r worried about it maybe u should break it off 4 a week or two.. this means no kissing and talking/seeing each other is kept 2 a minimum.. that will give u both time 2 have a good think about it, see how your life still goes on without each other, and sort out your thoughts a bit..

good luck with it!

 

[my sharona]

but i dont know if im willing to risk my HSC year for him because in the end it's like am i really going to be with him for the rest of my life. i cant change who he is and, i know this sounds so slack, but if this is all he can offer and if its gonna be like this for the rest of my life than i dont want to be with him, because i want someone better.

This is what i can make from that statement. I don't pretend to know you or have the 'right answer'.

It sounds like you're shifting the blame to him for your problems with your HSC.
If he breaks up with you then he's causing you emotional upheaval. If you break up with him and he doesn't care, then he's hurting you, if he does care and tries to get you back, he's distracting you. If you stay together, you'll blame him for not doing enough to make you happy or whatever. It also sounds like you're making excuses to not go out with him (he doesnt have enough to offer, i'm not going to spend the rest of my life with him).

What do you expect him to do?

 

[.:newii]

It sounds like you're shifting the blame to him for your problems with your HSC.
If he breaks up with you then he's causing you emotional upheaval. If you break up with him and he doesn't care, then he's hurting you, if he does care and tries to get you back, he's distracting you. If you stay together, you'll blame him for not doing enough to make you happy or whatever. It also sounds like you're making excuses to not go out with him (he doesnt have enough to offer, i'm not going to spend the rest of my life with him).

What do you expect him to do?

yeh now that i think about it, thats exactly what i do.. i shift the blame to him! i dunno i guess im just a lil freaked out coz this relationship is soo intense its like we're bloody married and i still wanna muck around.

i dunno what i expect, i guess i always had this image in my head of what type of a guy i wanted..like my standards

i wanted some1 with direction and a goal/ambition for the long-term/his future
some1 who is spontaneous and outgoing, like really fun and energetic, up for anything
some1 whos quick thinking, doesnt take his time 2 do everything!

and well i guess my bf doesnt really meet up to them, in fact hes like the complete oppposite 2 it. but the thing is he does do all these things 4 me, like take me 2 and from school (when i cld easily catch the bus), he walks around the shopping centres with me for hours, buys me lollies and food when i want it..he does stupid things that are just soo cute, but then if i stay with him i dunno if i'd be able 2 handle all the annoying things he does. like annoying to the fact that i just ignore him completely!

 

[Toodulu]

i don't really understand why you want to break up with him. if you think it's boring that you're always doing the same stuff why don't you suggest doing something different? and you still want to see him, find it hard not to, and is happy when you do. so maybe you're better off spending your free time studying like you say you want to, rather than worrying about these things. i don't think you're going out with him out of pity at all. and at the end of the day, you use each other in a relationship. eg for affection, company etc.. it's really easy to think of all the stuff you've sacrificed for him and not see all the stuff he does for you.

 

[JRPeck]

i guess i always had this image in my head of what type of a guy i wanted..like my standards

i wanted some1 with direction and a goal/ambition for the long-term/his future
some1 who is spontaneous and outgoing, like really fun and energetic, up for anything
some1 whos quick thinking, doesnt take his time 2 do everything!

and well i guess my bf doesnt really meet up to them, in fact hes like the complete oppposite 2 it. but the thing is he does do all these things 4 me, like take me 2 and from school (when i cld easily catch the bus), he walks around the shopping centres with me for hours, buys me lollies and food when i want it..he does stupid things that are just soo cute, but then if i stay with him i dunno if i'd be able 2 handle all the annoying things he does. like annoying to the fact that i just ignore him completely!

You can't change him by trying to change him. But keep loving each other and you both will grow and blossom.

 

[Alimoe_KG]

You can't change him by trying to change him. But keep loving each other and you both will grow and blossom.

Grow and blossom half the year, argue and fight the other half.

 

[JRPeck]

Yes!

Grow and blossom half the year, argue and fight the other half.

Yes! But fight fair--with respect.

 

[.:newii]

damn im soo freaked out! my bf scares the crap outta me when hes angry (and its not even because of me) its heaps scary to the point where i just sit there and be as quiet as i possibly can and avoid eye contact at all costs! geez eventhough he always explains after why he was angry it still freaks me out!! he did it again today and i just cant take it any more, like stress factor, blood pressure rising!

i got heaps pissed coz ive told him time and time again to stop taking it out on me, but hes a dickhead.. to make it up 2 me all i need is food, so my friend was ova and he wanted 2 leave her at my place while he takes me out. i obviously told him off 4 even suggesting that, and he was like "cant she sit at another table?" OMGOSH! he's just so inconsiderate that was, thats when i kicked him outta my house. so its been a few hours now and he hasnt phoned me yet, i dunno what im gonna do when he does, do i pick up or not?

if hes like this imagine what would happen if hes angry at me, when he drove me home from school, while he was angry, he was full speeding and pyscho.. i really think hes got his own personal problems!

 

[*ashlea*]

damn im soo freaked out! my bf scares the crap outta me when hes angry (and its not even because of me) its heaps scary to the point where i just sit there and be as quiet as i possibly can and avoid eye contact at all costs! geez eventhough he always explains after why he was angry it still freaks me out!! he did it again today and i just cant take it any more, like stress factor, blood pressure rising!

i got heaps pissed coz ive told him time and time again to stop taking it out on me, but hes a dickhead.. to make it up 2 me all i need is food, so my friend was ova and he wanted 2 leave her at my place while he takes me out. i obviously told him off 4 even suggesting that, and he was like "cant she sit at another table?" OMGOSH! he's just so inconsiderate that was, thats when i kicked him outta my house. so its been a few hours now and he hasnt phoned me yet, i dunno what im gonna do when he does, do i pick up or not?

if hes like this imagine what would happen if hes angry at me, when he drove me home from school, while he was angry, he was full speeding and pyscho.. i really think hes got his own personal problems!

argh! drop him now!
u can't live in fear of your boyfriend and if he's putting u at risk cos of his own shit its just not right.. drop him now!!

 

[JRPeck]

I agree

argh! drop him now!
u can't live in fear of your boyfriend and if he's putting u at risk cos of his own shit its just not right.. drop him now!!

Newii, I agree with Ashea. If you haven't dropped him yet, do it with the conviction of a chainsaw, but with all the love you can muster, making it clear as to why. If he demonstrates real sorrow, there'e still hope for the relationship, but insist that you need time to heal.