sometimes i just feel trapped... i hate the feeling of all this pressure..
throughout all my years in highschool, ive just lazed and bummed around... and i always ended up with pretty good marks.. but ever since year 11, you start to notice that you cant bum round much for long and expect to get TOP marks, i mean, i still got pretty good marks, but they werent terrific.
now i want to do really really well.... and so do my teachers. but i dont know.. i guess im also kinda scared that they'll realise just how stupid i am! they expect me to come up with these great things...because i came up with goood stuff when i was buming round doin night before jobs..... but i feel like they were all flukes! how bout if i try, and end up with still only "good" marks? i'd feel so dissapointed.. i guess thats what stops me sometimes. i know its stupid, and you "never know until you try!"... but it just feels like your trapped... with no where to go, so you stay in the same spot... motionless.... or crawl through everyday, sticking to the shadows hoping that no one will notice you.......
gosh! how depressing! haha....
but i know its not all that bad.....
my motto....
GEt through now, for later.......
for example.. me---> i want to perform, i want to travel... i want to get a chance to dance, act and maybe even sing- if i get the guts-.... i want to go to uni and do great.. no excellent! and then i'll laugh purely because i choose to see life as a great game, play where I choose how the story goes and how i eend up feeling....
thats what i want..
BUt, i just have to hang in now.... and i'll get there eventually.