how to stop story telling? (1 Viewer)

[freaking_out]

in my change essay, i find my self story telling too much...i wanna know how to stop this?? and what to do instead...

i might attach my essay, so someone can point out to me how i can fix it up.

 

[freaking_out]

for example this is what i wrote about the glass jar for the essay question:
How have the texts you have studies in this year, shaped your understanding of change?

...The Glass Jar by Gwen Harwood describes the journey of a young boy from childhood to adolescence. The change that this boy undergoes is initiated when the boy naively attempts to trap sunlight in a glass jar, so that he can use the light to exorcise, monsters that frequent his dreams. As expected his plans fail-the dramatic irony here further reinforces the fact that he is still a child. Distraught by this, the boy runs towards the source of remaining comfort, but this was a torturous decision in itself for the boy, as his parents bedroom is seen as the last clearing that he dared not cross. This symbolises his transition from childhood to adolescence as a painful one.
In his parents bedroom, the boy discovers his mother faithless would not turn her face from the gross violence done to her. The fact that the composer describes the parents sexual act as the gross violence shows us the way the child views the act that he has no prior knowledge about. The boy returns to his room, terrified, as he now has to fend for himself. The boys world has changed and he has changed with it. In addition, the biblical allusions present throughout the poem (such as the homonym resurrected sun) suggest that god has exerted influence on the boys experiences. Thereby, Harwood is presenting change as a facet of the boys preordained path through life. In this poem Harwood is affirming change both as part of destiny and as a result of experiencing life.

 

[DebuOfCourse]

I used to do this a lot too freaking_out. There's a very simple answer to your question which is so obvious that nobody bothers telling you this (Generally speaking).
You have to assume that the marker knows your texts (even your related material) like the back of their hand, and they don't want to read it all over again. It gives the impression that you think the markers are stupid and you waste not only their time by telling them what they already know but your time by writing something the markers probably will tend to ignore.
What do you do instead?
Techniques, examples, explanations, discussion.
You need to discuss HOW the text has discussed change. WHAT that HOW actually means is not the story, but rather what techniques it uses to tell the story (that the marker already knows).

Once you have that idea clear in your mind, writing essays becomes much easier any way. Hope that helps.

All the best.


- Dev

 

[freaking_out]

can u read the paragraph at the top....i wanted to know how i can fix it up.

btw, thanks for ya tips though.

 

[countrydude]

So for question 3 in AOS no matter what the question asks, all we have to do is rave on about the Techniques??

 

[Inhuman]

Yep I think so, and you gotta remember that the examiners don't actually care what your texts are so there's no point talking about them that way ( as if they actually have a plot...)

 

[kieransgirl]

ok i havent studied glass jar but you use quotes too much (sorry ) and not the techniques. ill show you what i did for my in the park-
Individuals sometimes experience painful self realization. In the park is a poem about a mother of three children who realizes where her decsions have taken her through a chance meeting with "someone she once loved."
The choice of diction within the first few sentences "whine and bicker" and "aimless patterns in the dirt" set a negative tone for the poem. The childs "aimless patterns in the dirt" are a metaphor for the womans life as now on this particular day she feels her life is monotonous and boring.

do u see the difference. im not saying mine is brilliant (far from it) but you have to focus on techniques rather than the content of the poem

 

[Hottieflossy]

dont forget that the examiners know what the prescribed texts are and what they are about, so you shouldnt feel the need to storytell there and just start writing on theme or technique....its the same with the Stimulus booklet. with your related material though, you should write a few lines on what the text is about before you start to talk about change.

 

[subice]

A question to any1 relating to Paper 1, section III....
what is YOUR understanding of change?

 

[chris42]

And what's the nature of change...

 

[iambored]

alright, they do not have to know the whole story. in one sentence "it is about..." no quotes or anything. they go into talking about techniques used to show the change which takes place

 

[Rank1]

To stop story telling here is one really good idea...
It is a concept called Nomalisation, pretty much all that is required is to conciously use nouns instead of verbs. In this process you are forced to tell how it is done, not what is done, which also leads to a better analysis....
THat is what i do....

 

[ndn]

I believe (as others have already suggested) it's best to include a 1-2 sentence brief description of the text. After that, you should go into techniques and representation.

Also remember to NAME the technique. Like use of tone, imagery or emotive language. Helps to simplify your response, making it easier to understand. Remember the markers have to read through a LOT of responses.

 

[MrMiK]

Well, i find i am usually writing under the impression that the reader has had prior experience with the text, which helps me stop retelling what they know, and attempt to explain techniques, to enlighten them (even though i know they allready would know all i would tell them)

Its hard to explain.. but i find i explain very little about the text itself, unless it is to lead to a quote, or contextual to the technique i am presenting.

 

[iambored]

freaking_out - can you see how your 'analysis' isn't really that? you haven't shown specifically how techniques have been used to show the changem you are using quotes to tell the story. CHANGE

 

[freaking_out]

Originally posted by iambored
freaking_out - can you see how your 'analysis' isn't really that? you haven't shown specifically how techniques have been used to show the changem you are using quotes to tell the story. CHANGE

yeah, i see it....i've changed the paragraph a bit. btw, can u comment on my essay as well:

http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?s=&threadid=15595

 

[anti]

As others have said, you want to look at HOW (techniques) rather than WHAT (story).

The best way to practise this IMO is to ask yourself after every sentence (or paragraph), "so what?"

If you can't think of a reason to include a point, it's probably irrelevant. ("The dog sat on the mat." (so what? who cares!) as opposed to "The rhyme and meter of the phrase "the dog sat on the mat", combined with the simplicity of the vocabulary, highlights a focus on a younger audience and the author's age" (so what? you've just mentioned technique AND purpose. hooray!)