Losing a loved one (1 Viewer)

[cominatcha]

I lost my younger brother just after i started year 11. He was killed in a motocross accident. As he was airlifted to the hospital i was praying that he was ok but in the back of my head i knew i was never going to talk to him again, it was one of the worst feelings ever, to see him lying there, nothing i could do. I cant remember much that happened in the next 3 months, and my memory for about 3 months before the accident has been wiped, i cant remember shit, not even the last thing i said to him. Just being at home was terrible, because of his absence, everything triggered a memory of the past and made the reality that he was gone worse. Going back to school was hard, even though i was out of the house and had something to preoccupy my mind with, because everyone was still going on with their normal lives, unaffected, it was like nothing had happened. No-one wanted to talk about what had happened, it was then i found out that i really did not have any true friends. It was like they just expected me to get on with my life instantly. People just dont understand that simple things such as an image on tv, something said, a song or just a memory flashing through my mind brings on a wave of....depression i suppose. All my emotions build up and then come out uncrontrollable, i usually jus go find some out of the way place by myself and cry my eyes out. But then people think i am some sort of depressive, they dont understand the trauma experienced and that it has scarred me for life. still today i look around at people, most of them have never been through anything near wat i havfe, and those that have i can sympathise with. i have been changed, i no longer think the same as i did before, i have a new perspective on life. But u have to, because now i have seen how quickly ur life can be fucked over, and theres nothing i could do to change it. It now feels as though a huge chunk of my life was just ripped from me, and i'll never regain it. Accidents happen, unfortunatly one took away one of the most loved people in my life. And to this day and for the rest of my life, i will not forget that feeling, the realisation when i saw my brother dying before my eyes, he was never coming back. my life almost felt meaningless if not for my parents and what they had gone through, i dont think i'd be able to put them through that again. So here i am, living my life how i see fit, but i'll never forget. When i feel i am having too much fun i think, is this fair, to be almost enjoying life when he is gone. The emotional torment i go through is at times unbearable. Whoever said it before was right, those who think the loss of a pet is tradgic, you have nothing, just wait untill the person closest to you, the one u love the most, gets ripped away from you, and u dont even have a chance to say goodbye, then u may understand.

 

[aimstar555]

cominatcha, i commend you for writing your brother's story i know that would not have been easy for you and i deepest condolences go to yourself and your family.

both my grandmother and a VERY close friend of mine passed away early 2003 which was extremly hard for me. my advice: cry as much as you need to, have CLOSE friends that will support you and remind yourself of the times that make you and that special person smile. peace out

btw, good luck with your HSC cominatcha

 

[rachi]

i think im bad luck... my nan died when i was three and they say i look just like her, then my pop died when i was 14, then my dad died when i was 15...still not coping with it..then my nan died that same year, when i was 16 one of my close family friends died, then my pop died the next year..17 and then like two months later my best friends mum died........i then got a life changing disease... in my hsc year

 

[Chand]

I find it hard to tell people who knows the person but doesn't know that anythings happened.

I guess it makes you more aware of whats going to happen in the future if your religious. The mindset we get today is that were immune against dying and invincible until we reach old age. We go about life not realising that you can die at any time and any place regardless...so I guess that ties in the regret and what we could fixed...the good that comes out of it, is that its a wake up call for the rest of us to fix things/life.

I keep myself together for the sake of my family and my extended family...everyone has their own ways to cope, some by talking, crying or whatever. Since everything has happened, I've kept a blog. Nobody in my family nor my friends know about it and I like to keep it that way. It just helps get things out like cominatcha's post...

Inna lillahi wa Inna ilaihi raji’oon

 

[demosthenes]

1800 55 1800 i think
demosthenes, im really sorry

thanks azzie. I wish i was religious so i could vent my emotion, but i cant...i called the helpline they were really good. Thanks.

 

[Sphyx]

Im originally from Russia, and went to primary school there. I remember i think it was when i was in year 2, a boy from my class had a heart attack and slumped in his desk, and by the time my teacher noticed, he was dead.

I also had a close friend who i grew up with - we played together, went through silly crushed together. Then when i was 10 i moved up here and lost contact with her. I few months ago my parents called me and told me she died of a drug overdose.

Its a funny world we live in.

 

[Greenwood]

i doubt BOS is gonna let any of you recover from this stuff

 

[demosthenes]

i doubt BOS is gonna let any of you recover from this stuff

it helps, because it lets u talk to others about it and support each other

 

[Greenwood]

I don't think a bunch of 18 year olds are those they need to talk to

 

[Greenwood]

plus a lot of the people on this are dickheads and will use the opportunity to make fun of others

 

[angelduck]

I lost my father when i was 6 (truck hit his motorbike, damn the legal system at that time) and a goiod friend from school in '03

 

[wanton-wonton]

Who here has lost some1 close to them, whether a friend, family member, pet, girlfriend/boyfriend?

how r u coping/how did u cope? what reminds u of them?

feel free to open up, if u want 2

i lost one of my best friends in year 10..he was 15. i still find it hard, but i cope by seeking comfort in my other friends (like ur_inner_child), the stupidest things remind me of him, a joke, a place, just somebody acting like him, also whenever i see his brothers, like i did today.

just thought i'd share, ask u 2 do the same

(btw, i think this thread DOES belong in L&R as it's losing a LOVED one who u had a RELATIONSHIP with)

Do you mean loose as in lost contact or loose as in passed away?

 

[angelduck]

passed away

 

[Raiks]

Well I might as well throw mine in.

I lost Felicity last year on the 14th of August. She was crossing Erskine St. and Clarence st. intersection in the city as her, myself, our housemate Jacq, and a few others were on our way home from a night out. I can remember the blur of screeching tyres, the shattering of the windscreen and seeing Flick being in the middle of all of this before being thrown onto the footpath. She died hours later from multiple head injuries. I still dream of it happening at night, and the worst part is that I always try and keep my eyes closed just incase the taxi never came and then I could wake up and she'd be next to me.

The last living memory of her that I have is seeing her spin around and walk backards with one of the happiest smiles on her face as she stepped out on to that street and I remember as clearly as ever that all I could think was this was the girl I always found a new reason to love everytime I saw her. For almost 3 years she didn't necessarily make my life easier but she made it a whole heap happier and more enjoyable, just through the little things she did and those little imperfections which just made her the most beautiful girl I'd ever met. I remember spending afternoons on the Manly Wharf with dinner and watching the ferries cross the harbour and the sunset. We planned on having kids as soon as I finished university and it was something which just seemed destined to be, nuturing and watching our kids grow and hopefully doing a good enough effort to see our kids play in the shallow waters like those 3 kids who we'd watch play in their dinghy boat with only one paddle and who never seemed to stop smiling.

I loved the times she'd just grab me and take me somewhere and we'd spend the day there, like the little nature reserve filled with birds just outside Harbord, or the airport where'd we waste a day watching the people get off and on planes and we'd always make guesses about their lives even though we wouldn't know if they were correct. That was the thing about Flick, it was not about being right or wrong, it was just about enjoying every little thing along the way. She never stopped smiling, even when her and Jacq would fumble outside the apartment unable to get the key in the door and having to knock and when I opened the door, she'd sheepishly look at me and then scamper to the bedroom. Every memory I have of her always has her smiling for one reason or another and she always had the ability to make another persons life happier for that, whether it was me rushing to get to work or the old couple who went to a resteraunt to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversery and couldn't get a table so Flick told them that they could have ours because they deserve their night. She was the most selfless person I'd ever met, always doing something for someone.

At her funeral, it was the most sad yet beautiful thing I had ever witnessed, having to say goodbye to her yet the amount of people who turned up at one specific moment to bid farewell to our Felicity, it showed just how much of an impact she had on so many people.

We were supposed to get married next month.

Felicity Esther Carlisle
7th November 1979 - 14th August 2004

 

[miss_b]

All the crying or talking in the world won't make the person come back. But I suppose talking make help some because I think it is important to find out why you are upset. For me it is easy because I understand myself. But if you don't know why you are upset, yu will never get over it. So, why are you upset? This is harder to answer than it seems.

 

[Katie123]

Well I might as well throw mine in.

I lost Felicity last year on the 14th of August. She was crossing Erskine St. and Clarence st. intersection in the city as her, myself, our housemate Jacq, and a few others were on our way home from a night out. I can remember the blur of screeching tyres, the shattering of the windscreen and seeing Flick being in the middle of all of this before being thrown onto the footpath. She died hours later from multiple head injuries. I still dream of it happening at night, and the worst part is that I always try and keep my eyes closed just incase the taxi never came and then I could wake up and she'd be next to me.

The last living memory of her that I have is seeing her spin around and walk backards with one of the happiest smiles on her face as she stepped out on to that street and I remember as clearly as ever that all I could think was this was the girl I always found a new reason to love everytime I saw her. For almost 3 years she didn't necessarily make my life easier but she made it a whole heap happier and more enjoyable, just through the little things she did and those little imperfections which just made her the most beautiful girl I'd ever met. I remember spending afternoons on the Manly Wharf with dinner and watching the ferries cross the harbour and the sunset. We planned on having kids as soon as I finished university and it was something which just seemed destined to be, nuturing and watching our kids grow and hopefully doing a good enough effort to see our kids play in the shallow waters like those 3 kids who we'd watch play in their dinghy boat with only one paddle and who never seemed to stop smiling.

I loved the times she'd just grab me and take me somewhere and we'd spend the day there, like the little nature reserve filled with birds just outside Harbord, or the airport where'd we waste a day watching the people get off and on planes and we'd always make guesses about their lives even though we wouldn't know if they were correct. That was the thing about Flick, it was not about being right or wrong, it was just about enjoying every little thing along the way. She never stopped smiling, even when her and Jacq would fumble outside the apartment unable to get the key in the door and having to knock and when I opened the door, she'd sheepishly look at me and then scamper to the bedroom. Every memory I have of her always has her smiling for one reason or another and she always had the ability to make another persons life happier for that, whether it was me rushing to get to work or the old couple who went to a resteraunt to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversery and couldn't get a table so Flick told them that they could have ours because they deserve their night. She was the most selfless person I'd ever met, always doing something for someone.

At her funeral, it was the most sad yet beautiful thing I had ever witnessed, having to say goodbye to her yet the amount of people who turned up at one specific moment to bid farewell to our Felicity, it showed just how much of an impact she had on so many people.

We were supposed to get married next month.

Felicity Esther Carlisle
7th November 1979 - 14th August 2004

I cant tell you how sorry i am because i am just speechless

 

[Kate_J]

I lost one of my friends in 2003 in a car accident. Crying did help (and I did lots of it). I had just been on a trip with her and I still had photos on my camera from the trip that weren't developed, I got my dad to drive me around to about 5 photo shops to find one that would develop them quickly. I remember getting them, walking outside and the first photo was one of her, me and 2 other friends in one big hug. I just fell into my dad's arms crying. I'm so happy i took that trip with her. Talking to friends helped lots. Then again it was good because we would talk about good things about her, but after the accident I needed to talk about the flashes I was having of how the accident would have been, I couldn't bring that up with friends because it's not fair on them because she was there friend too, I really should have talked to dr about it.

Also what people were saying about animals not being the same......I think it's hard to say that. I mean I understand what you mean, but I also believe animals mean a lot to us. Animals give us love unconditionally, they are there when we need them and they son't argue or criticise etc. I had my dog since I was born and she died 2 years ago, it was incredibly hard. People who have not had animals, or are not close to their animals may not understand that.

 

[Marieke]

I lost my mother in a car accident when me and Jacob were three, almost four, driving from Eindhoven to Amsterdam. I am lucky to have both my fathers alive but it hurts that I had to grow up without a mother because as good as two gay guys are are fastening the ribbons in your hair, I felt like I had a void in my life.

When my mother become pregnant with me and Jacob, she knew she couldn't have us because she had just broken up with her boyfriend and couldn't keep us - so she offered to give us to her best friends to raise as their own, and for those years, I really did have three parents. My mother always wanted to be there, she just couldn't do it on her own and she thought there was no better option then giving her friends their wish for a family.


Somedays I am glad I was too young to feel the loss, but other days? I wish I was older so I could have some memories other then those contained in those old dutch photo albums.

 

[sped_kid01]

Well I might as well throw mine in.

I lost Felicity last year on the 14th of August. She was crossing Erskine St. and Clarence st. intersection in the city as her, myself, our housemate Jacq, and a few others were on our way home from a night out. I can remember the blur of screeching tyres, the shattering of the windscreen and seeing Flick being in the middle of all of this before being thrown onto the footpath. She died hours later from multiple head injuries. I still dream of it happening at night, and the worst part is that I always try and keep my eyes closed just incase the taxi never came and then I could wake up and she'd be next to me.

The last living memory of her that I have is seeing her spin around and walk backards with one of the happiest smiles on her face as she stepped out on to that street and I remember as clearly as ever that all I could think was this was the girl I always found a new reason to love everytime I saw her. For almost 3 years she didn't necessarily make my life easier but she made it a whole heap happier and more enjoyable, just through the little things she did and those little imperfections which just made her the most beautiful girl I'd ever met. I remember spending afternoons on the Manly Wharf with dinner and watching the ferries cross the harbour and the sunset. We planned on having kids as soon as I finished university and it was something which just seemed destined to be, nuturing and watching our kids grow and hopefully doing a good enough effort to see our kids play in the shallow waters like those 3 kids who we'd watch play in their dinghy boat with only one paddle and who never seemed to stop smiling.

I loved the times she'd just grab me and take me somewhere and we'd spend the day there, like the little nature reserve filled with birds just outside Harbord, or the airport where'd we waste a day watching the people get off and on planes and we'd always make guesses about their lives even though we wouldn't know if they were correct. That was the thing about Flick, it was not about being right or wrong, it was just about enjoying every little thing along the way. She never stopped smiling, even when her and Jacq would fumble outside the apartment unable to get the key in the door and having to knock and when I opened the door, she'd sheepishly look at me and then scamper to the bedroom. Every memory I have of her always has her smiling for one reason or another and she always had the ability to make another persons life happier for that, whether it was me rushing to get to work or the old couple who went to a resteraunt to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversery and couldn't get a table so Flick told them that they could have ours because they deserve their night. She was the most selfless person I'd ever met, always doing something for someone.

At her funeral, it was the most sad yet beautiful thing I had ever witnessed, having to say goodbye to her yet the amount of people who turned up at one specific moment to bid farewell to our Felicity, it showed just how much of an impact she had on so many people.

We were supposed to get married next month.

Felicity Esther Carlisle
7th November 1979 - 14th August 2004

thats one of the saddest, yet nicest things ive ever read...

im really sorry

 

[johnson]

I don't think a bunch of 18 year olds are those they need to talk to

actually greenwood i disagree with you. i think the anonymity you get on BOS is good to talk about things like grief, because you do'nt have to worry about making others around you feel awkward or uncomfortable about the situation.

a few years ago my baby cousin was just born, and was really sick. my uncle was running around everywhere looking for specialists to look after his baby, that he neglected his own health..he died suddenly from dengue fever after my baby cousin was stabilised, which he had gotten from a mosquito bite. we live in different countries, so it was really hard for me to deal with the grief, but i was so sad for the little baby and my auntie..not having a father to grow up with, not having a husband for the rest of your life.

i was reading about the footy player who was killed in the tsunami, and his wife trisha broadbridge. i was so heartbroken, i cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose your husband after only one month of being married.