Mates + Exes (1 Viewer)

[withoutaface]

I'm curious at to what other people's views are on this issue. I've been put on the spot before, and told my mate I thought it was fine, because ultimately a slight amount of discomfort for me is outweighed by them being happy.

So yeah, do the poll.

 

[tres bien]

It depends on the ex. If the ex is someone I wouldn't ever want to see again and I want to bash him every time I do see him, I'd say no. If the ex is someone I'd have broken up with on okay terms and don't mind him being around, I'd say yes.

Sorry, I can't seem to answer the poll. I'll just chuck in yes, because I've never been in the situation before.

 

[ur_inner_child]

During highschool, a lot of my ex-boyfriends were passed around after I dated them. Or a lot of cutting grass would be involved.

Anyway, I wouldn't stop my mates from anything, but I would say: "but i'd rather you do so in a month or two after we break up. It'd be nice if you could give me some time".

And alas, this sort of respect never really happened.

And being older and more careful when I step into a relationship (ie the person must mean quite a good deal to me), I'll definatley, in a general concensus, refuse my mates to date my ex's from here on.

That being said, when it comes to very old ex's, I couldn't care less

 

[stazi]

id say yes, but i wouldnt mean yes.

 

[The Brucemaster]

I fail to see how anyone can really refuse to let a mate date an ex.

Im all for warning them of dangers and saying yeah but give me some time etc. but how can you flat out say no? If you've broken up with someone you have no right to decide who can or can't see them. Its good that your mate has the decenct to ask your opinion first but realistically you can only tell him how you feel and not whether he can or can't date an ex of yours.

 

[ur_inner_child]

I fail to see how anyone can really refuse to let a mate date an ex.

Im all for warning them of dangers and saying yeah but give me some time etc. but how can you flat out say no? If you've broken up with someone you have no right to decide who can or can't see them. Its good that your mate has the decenct to ask your opinion first but realistically you can only tell him how you feel and not whether he can or can't date an ex of yours.

I think I said I'd say no from here on in because the boyfriend I have currently, we've been together for almost 3 years. If a mate would give me time, it would be a very long time that it might as well be no.

I'd question my mates if they even dared.

 

[alby]

I fail to see how anyone can really refuse to let a mate date an ex.

Im all for warning them of dangers and saying yeah but give me some time etc. but how can you flat out say no? If you've broken up with someone you have no right to decide who can or can't see them. Its good that your mate has the decenct to ask your opinion first but realistically you can only tell him how you feel and not whether he can or can't date an ex of yours.

if i thought he wasnt worth their time (ie. a total jerk, dropkick, etc) then i wouldnt let them.

i would advise anyone (friends or randoms) against dating at least one of my ex's, because he was a real idiot (to me and just in general). sure he might've changed a bit over the past 2 years, but i doubt he's grown up enough to be able to date properly and have a successful relationship with anyone.

my other ex, i personally wouldnt advise any of my friends to go out with him..mainly based on what i know (or should i say, have realised/found out) about him since we broke up. he has a gf now (i think they've been together for 6+ months), and they're probably quite happy. i think the reason why they're working out better than we did is probably caus she's also asian..and he has fairly high standards of what he wants in a gf (he realised i didnt fit them after 3 months).

the guy i had a 2 week fling with..i wouldn't really care that much since it was so short, and it was obvious to both of us that nothing could really happen caus it simply wouldn't work. his only downfall would be that he hasnt said a peep to me since we broke up - i talk to his mates more than i've talked to him, despite trying to get messages to him (he was the one who said we should keep in contact).

if anyone wanted to go out with my current bf after (when & if) we broke up (AGES down the track, i hope), like stef said, it'd have to be a fair while after. so if they liked eachother a lot, i think i'd give my blessing...he's a great guy and has been really great to me. the only reason i wouldnt let them go for it would be if he turned into a jerk (which i sure as hell hope he doesnt) or if i didnt think she'd be able to put up with his quirks, habbits, and tonnes of nerdy ramble

 

[stazi]

I fail to see how anyone can really refuse to let a mate date an ex.

Im all for warning them of dangers and saying yeah but give me some time etc. but how can you flat out say no? If you've broken up with someone you have no right to decide who can or can't see them. Its good that your mate has the decenct to ask your opinion first but realistically you can only tell him how you feel and not whether he can or can't date an ex of yours.

It's the principles of mateship: you don't date your mate's exes. I wouldn't personally date an ex of a friend (especially if it was a serious relationship).

 

[alby]

It's the principles of mateship: you don't date your mate's exes. I wouldn't personally date an ex of a friend (especially if it was a serious relationship).

as the saying goes, they're ex's for a reason. and if that reason was pretty bad, i wouldnt want to think about going/letting anyone else go near him

 

[stazi]

or they could have broken up with you, thus you're shit, rather than your ex.

 

[alby]

or they could have broken up with you, thus you're shit, rather than your ex.

well sometimes they break up with you because of something they've done/their problem. ie. one of my ex's (the asian one) broke up with me because he had really high standards, it wasnt me who had the issues or was the baddie

 

[sparkl3z]

well, i don't have any exes (and am not planning on having any either) but generally, you can't really stop a person from doing something if they really want to.....unless you kill them....but that's another issue.

 

[gracie007]

if ur thinking of doing it, dont.

ive been on both ends of the stick.

1st time: my really good mate went out with a guy i had just broken up with 2 months ago, went out for 6 monthes. she knew well that i was nowhere near over him, yet after much arguments between the three of us and all taht shit, she decided to. i disowned her. they went out for only 1 month. she treated me after like absolute shit after i cut her off (because she thought i was in the wrong) and involved everyone around us in the whole thing. it was the worst couple of months ever. i even changed schools because it was getting so fucked up.

2nd time: i made the mistake of going out with a friends' ex. he started liking me while they were still going out. we dated for four months, it was fun, i dont regret going out with him, but i do regret losing her as a friend. it was never the same.



unless u wanna fuck up some friendships that have huge potential, dont bother. theres plenty of other people out there to date, get your mate to help u look for others, dont choose his ex.

 

[stazi]

But you said they're always exes for a reason. And if he had really high standards, it may have been your fault (you know how often we think of an arbitary reason to break up with someone so as not to offend the other person): "It's not you, it's me". And you wouldn't let someone date them because they have 'high standards'? What's wrong with high standards?

 

[sparkl3z]

if ur thinking of doing it, dont.
unless u wanna fuck up some friendships that have huge potential, dont bother. theres plenty of other people out there to date, get your mate to help u look for others, dont choose his ex.

yeah...i said you can't really control what they do, but it is an evil thing to do. especially if people break up, and there are still feelings....it's just screwing up the chances of them re-uniting... - i know if i ever broke up with mister fiance' i'd still love him forever (and hate him at the same time, lol) so it would really really kill me to see him with another girl, especially if she was a friend i think i'd never want to see her and him again. i know in these cases that the friends that date the ex are humans too, but it's really not a nice thing to do, to go after one's ex when one still loves him/her. if the original couple both decided to be friends though and never loved eachother, then it might be ok for friends to date them, but yeah, it depends on the situation really.

 

[azzie]

i dont think i have a major view on this issue. if it was just one of my mates dating an ex i'd prolly think it's pretty funny.

however, if it was one of my close mates, i'd have a problem with it. rather i wouldnt have much of a problem, they'd just stop being a close friend and be a kinda "friend" in appearance only. i'd never actually talk to them about stuff.

 

[grk_styl]

I can't vote "yes" or "no" coz it really depends on the ex, how long they've been an ex, and the friend.

After my most serious relationship ended, I would have been devastated if one of my friends hooked up with my ex. But that was over 2 years ago, and since I'm over him I wouldn't mind if a friend dated my ex. He actually is a great guy, just has committment issues, lol

As for my few short-term relationships over the last year or so, I wouldn't mind if my friends dated my exes. I don't really call them exes anyway lol

I'd like to know first, though. I'd want my friend to tell me, not for me to have to find out from someone else.