I recently read that Tara Reid has become a mentor of sorts to Lindsay Lohan, tutoring her in the various fields and disciplines that are essential to any young, top-heavy creature. This was of course a strange thing to hear, because you generally don't think of C-List actresses as having any appreciable and therefore teachable or learnable skill. Yet there is something touching about mentoring. Tara Reid, after all, took Lindsay Lohan to the Nicky Hilton wedding, and perhaps this is what inspired TV's Wilmer Valderrama (He played Fes in That 70's Show) to give her a promise ring some days later.
Lindsay Lohan: Tara, it's Lindsay.
Tara Reid: Hey there bad girl!
LL: Guess what?
TR: What?
LL: Wilmer just gave me a promise ring!
TR: OMG!
LL: OMG!
TR: That's super special. Did you wipe it off with kleenex like I showed you?
LL: No, not around my neck - it's for my finger!
TR: OMG!
LL: OMG for sure!
TR: How are your boobs?
LL: Fucking huge!
TR: Ask me how mine are.
LL: How are your boobs?
TR: (pause) Fucking huge!
LL: OMG!
TR: OMG fuck yeah!
LL: Mine kind of hurt though.
TR: I know, I have like little blobs of silicone in my toes and all my joints ache!
LL: That's so weird.
TR: Hang on, I'm falling off a table...Wheee!
LL: Tara?
TR: (inaudible) Do you know who the fuck I am? You can't step with Josie and The Pussycats, asshole!
LL: OMG, don't let them hurt you!
TR: OMG, my tits just exploded!
LL: OMG, mine too!
TR: OMG, my left boob is under my armpit it looks like I have a bald man in a half nelson!
LL: OMG! Me too!
TR: OMG, I just blew a .24 on a breathalyser!
LL: OMG, I'm all smacked out on painkillers!
TR: TTYL?
LL: For sure.
I'd have to go jessica simpson, although with Lohan, you'd get her, or a hilton, a ritchie or a reid or all at once as a bonus most likely, depending on how late in to the night it was.