Might need advice for time-planning for more extracurricular activities (1 Viewer)

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Study (Including contact time 5-6 hours a day on average, excluding tutorials works and assignments), babysitting (Usually 2 hours every day except for Saturday), dealing with family bullshits (taking my mom outside of the old family listening to her feeling of being psychologically oppressed by my dad to help her with her depression and sort out all of the finance for our old house, which is about 1 or 2 hours a day, sometimes 3 or 4). Help her with groceries (usually around 3 hours a week). Have to pick up my f**king brother from Rosemeadow to Auburn almost every day because he works at Maccas at Rosemeadow which is about one and a half hour go and return (He didn't get his red Ps yet, mind you that he works 8 hours a day and almost 40 hours a week, until every 11pm so there is no way that he can take a train or bus to come back home). Will need to start working as a delivery starting from the end of this month or next month (every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday, these are the days that I don't have classes, for how long I will do every day will probably depend on the pensions I received every day) to help my family to pay the rent and normal housing expenses (We have 5 people, and my brother is not helping with it because he's paying his housing loans for the house he just bought which isn't built yet). Preparing my essay for my case competition (3 hours a week). I know I probably have somewhere around 5-6 hours a day left but I really don't want to burn out, plus I have to consider time for things like eating and showering. My niece is starting to go to pre-school 2 days a week from now on and I think that will help with the time planning. Might only go to clubs for 2 or 3 hours or less each week considering that it is a 30+ minute commute to my campus (even though it's the nearest one), which is at least an hour going there and coming back. As you can see I need more time to make connections and add in my extracurriculars, I can choose to burn out if that's the way, but I really want more time for myself. Maybe university clubs and societies will be open on Sundays and I can slip some time into it after my delivery?

My number one goal is to become the best candidate for a graduate program, and then it is to get into honours and get into RBA or just become an Academic if I couldn't get into any of them, that's why I study for so long.

 

[Eagle Mum]

My heart goes out to you - I almost feel like I’m writing to my younger self. I know very well what it’s like for everyone to take advantage of kindness & generosity and sadly, I have learnt from experience, as long as you accommodate others, they will continue to take advantage and take you for granted. It’s very hard to manage your time when the demands on your time are from external members, so in order to start managing your time, you will have to learn to manage others (and be prepared for the ‘guilt trip’ they are going to put on you when you reduce your support for them).

The most glaring component is your support of your sibling(s). Are you being reimbursed for the time you spend driving your brother daily? Otherwise, the maths is ridiculous - if he were to get his license, after his shift, he would only have to drive one way from his work to home, whilst you are wasting double of that time on a round trip. When does he plan on getting his license (my brother is now fifty and still hasn’t got his)? There should be a time frame for him to at least attempt the driving test - if he shows no efforts, you should withdraw your services, otherwise you are enabling his complacency (which I probably did with my brother, so in hindsight, tougher love is better for everyone).

Likewise, are you being reimbursed for babysitting your niece? Are they going to expect you to chaffeur her to preschool & back when she starts? I note your brother (is it the same brother who doesn’t drive or another brother?) is paying off a house mortgage, so when they move out, are they going to ask you to drive over to babysit? If so, you should either decline or set a monetary value on your time and expect fair reimbursement.

I can absolutely relate to the 1-2 and sometimes 3-4 hours of daily emotional baggage from your mother - mine still does it at every opportunity but instead of going on about all of her spousal issues, now that my Dad has passed away, it’s all about how she is a lonely widow (since I’ve had to raise a family of my own which was time demanding, I mostly exchange texts with my mother - she writes long rambling texts like the one sided conversations we used to have and I only have to skim read them and write short replies. Edited: In case I come across hard hearted, just to give some insight, my mother is always invited but never attends any of her grandkids’ events, yet expects all of us to attend her functions such as her musical performances). The attempts to guilt trip will probably never end, you have to place tighter limits on how much of your precious time resource you can allow her to consume on a daily routine that actually has no benefit to anyone. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that it’s very difficult to shake the guilt feelings when you are not spending the time listening to her, which is probably why, like I used to do, you put up with the wasted time. Does she lay the same burden on your sibling(s)? If not, let me guess it’s because you are the patient & kind one amongst her offspring and the others are just as self centred as your parents and point out how unfair this is. If you feel unable at this time to reduce the massive support you’re providing to all your selfish, self centred relatives, one practical suggestion is to get a hands free phone kit for your car and kill two birds at the same time by combining your 1-2 hour sessions with your mum with the 1.5 hour round trip drive picking up your brother from Maccas.

On a positive note, you’ve actually shown that you’re quite good at time management and resilient. You are contributing an enormous amount to several people around you and still managing to get ahead in your life. You just need to start drawing lines of your personal boundaries so others don’t keep further encroaching.

 

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The most glaring component is your support of your sibling(s). Are you being reimbursed for the time you spend driving your brother daily? Otherwise, the maths is ridiculous - if he were to get his license, after his shift, he would only have to drive one way from his work to home, whilst you are wasting double of that time on a round trip. When does he plan on getting his license (my brother is now fifty and still hasn’t got his)? There should be a time frame for him to at least attempt the driving test - if he shows no efforts, you should withdraw your services, otherwise you are enabling his complacency (which I probably did with my brother, so in hindsight, tougher love is better for everyone).

He does, he already finished his hazard perception test. It's not really double of the time because he's the one that drives to the workplace (as part of his 120 hours, with my mom sitting next to him), or my mom just drives him. He's still halfway on filling his 120 hours yet, but I can see that he's still maintaining efforts of getting it. I was told to pick him up because "he must be tired from working 8 hours straight".

 

[Eagle Mum]

He does, he already finished his hazard perception test. It's not really double of the time because he's the one that drives to the workplace (as part of his 120 hours, with my mom sitting next to him). He's still halfway on filling his 120 hours yet, but I can see that he's still maintaining efforts of getting it. I was told to pick him up because "he must be tired from working 8 hours straight".

Great to hear that he is working towards getting his license.
It is double the time for you to make that trip though - you’ve described that it takes you a 1.5 hrs return trip to go there and bring him home, whereas if he parked his car there, it would likely take him 45 minutes to drive himself home. Why doesn’t your mum take turns with you to pick him up instead of you having to do it every day? She must be around my vintage and I would never impose on my eldest to do things for her siblings which I can do myself. If there’s quid pro quo that you haven’t mentioned, that’s good, but your original post sounded like my story where everyone takes as much advantage as they can & I had to learn to say ‘that’s too much to ask’.

 

[brent012]

Maybe university clubs and societies will be open on Sundays and I can slip some time into it after my delivery?

These days basically every uni society should have an active discord or FB group. It was already becoming like that before the pandemic, but the shift off campus during lockdowns forced every society to make sure they had an online presence and community.

That should give you an opportunity to get to know people in the society, what's happening and maybe get involved in certain things entirely asynchronously.

But I agree with Eagle Mum, you'll have to try to resolve some of these time sinks eventually as it's not feasible long term. Getting and succeeding at an internship or grad program, for example, will require more time investment than uni and will likely be less flexible in terms of when you put that time in.