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Please rate my answer for Legal Studies? (1 Viewer)

Phoebe 123

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I just made another 1000+ word essay on "Effectiveness of the Law in responding to issues concerning family members?" This is an 25 mark essay, but give me a grade out of 15.

The main cotemporary issues concerning family members are problems such as marriage, separation and divorce, custody of children, property rights, surrogacy and birth, abuse of children, adoption of children, domestic violence, same-sex marriages and so on. These issues are in the media every day today, broadcasted on the news and TV, written in the newspapers waiting for responses. The law, just like in every other area, does it’s best to respond in the most efficient way possible to achieve justice for all parties involved, and just like every other area, there are areas where it could improve dramatically and more interest and action can be undertaken so that there are few unhappy parties complaining about the Australian Legal System and how it’s lacking in following up issues and cases, or how the law is unjust. For purposes of this essay, I will talk about different cases and new legislation that been enacted to protect family members and satisfy their concerns and situations. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:eek:ffice" /><o:p></o:p>
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For example, there has been a lot of controversy in the media and the law about same-sex marriages and gay and lesbian people, and whether they deserve to be part of de facto relationships. The media made a great fuss about this; there several newspaper articles written such as “Man and man caught making out” when two gay men were spotted doing this on a public beach, this newspaper article was made on the 16<SUP>th</SUP> of December 1992. This was not seen as acceptable to society or appropriate. In 1999, there were amendments made to the 1999 Property Legislation Amendment. This is where NSW became the first Australian jurisdiction and state to acknowledge same-sex couples and accepted them being part of de facto relationships. Federally, the Same-Sex Relationships Act 2008 and the Same-Sex Relationship Act 2008 provided entitlements for same-sex couples in areas such as joint social security, employment entitlements, superannuation, workers compensation, and joint access to Medicare Safety net, hospital, visitation, immigration, inheritance rights and the ability to file a joint tax return. However, unfortunately, in our cotemporary society today, there are still several issues about gay and lesbian couples, and the media still exploits these couples, and there are still many young people and adults who get influenced by the media who think it is morally wrong, however the law has done their part and responded to this issue by acknowledging same-sex couples. <o:p></o:p>
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Another example where the law has been particularly effective is in the issue of domestic violence. These laws have been undergone numerous changes and amendments over the past decade, major reforms which have been undergone include the Crimes Apprehended Violence Legislation Act 1999 which introduced two categories of Apprehend ended Violence; these included Apprehended Domestic Violence Orders and the Apprehended Personal Violence Orders. The NSW Government introduced several new law reforms to come to the aid of the issue of Domestic Violence. These new legislation included the Crimes Amendment Act 2006 enabled protection of children and victims of sexual assault in AVO proceedings, revised restrictions and prohibitions imposed upon the offender. There was several other legislation such as Crimes (Domestic and Personal Violence) Act states that the Australian Parliament recognizes that “Domestic Violence extends beyond physical abuse and may involve the exploitation of power imbalances and patterns of abuse over many years.” The Crimes Domestic and Personal Act in two sub-categories; for those who experience domestic violence and those who experience no domestic violence, also called personal violence. A domestic relationship is defined as those who are married and those in a de facto relationship. The parliament has released several other legislation acts to prevent domestic violence within families. In three specific cases including R vs. Immigen (2003), R vs. Mary (2007) and R vs. Lawrence (1992), all these three cases are similar and significant as the cases were against parents who had abused their children or someone else from their family. Media reports such as “16 year old found bruised and shattered in home”, and “Mother arrested for uncharacteristic abuse of child” were all media reports that related to these cases. These cases were treated effectively and justice was served as in all three cases, the offender was found guilty and sentenced. Overall, the law has been quite effective in responding to this issue however there are still cases where the law has neglected domestic violence/justice has not been served. Such examples of cases include R vs. John (2009), R vs. Maurice (1987) and R vs. Middleton (2007). In all of these cases, there was an clear miscarriage of justice. The defendant was let off quite easily, due to the ineffectiveness of the prosecutor and the police to find contaminating evidence. <o:p></o:p>
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Another very contemporary issue today is marriage, divorce and separation, and the rights and obligations of both parties to a marriage after divorce, which parent gets custody of the children, or if it is part-time custody between them both. Such issues, however, are only a part of the conflicts that face both parties to a marriage after they choose to separate; there is talk about who moves out, how the children will be told, how they will go about their lives, etc. The Family Law Act covers all children after separation and divorce. The Family Law Act went through major changes in 1996. The changes were an attempt to deny and oppose the argument that one parent must “win” a child in a custody battle and to emphasize the notion for parents to have equal and continued responsibility for their children. The legislation Family Act Law 2006 introduced all these new concepts and notions. Each parent has a right and responsibility equal care for their child before a custody battle however when making the decision the judge must use discretion in looking out for the best interests of the child to have both parents play a major role and responsibility to them, with the exception if one parent has an history of child abuse or domestic violence, if so then the judge takes this into consideration when making a decision. Since the chances to the Family Act Law, children’s best interests are now taken into consideration, as well as those for the mother and father. This is an example of the law being cooperative, reasonable and fair and looking out for the best interests for all members in a family, the wellbeing of the child, and the responsibilities of the parents after the divorce. However, today, there are many families who are in crisis and their children because of only being raised by one parent after their parent’s divorce, the laws and courts that are enforceable have occasionally tried to do their best to look out for the best interests for all, but they are quite a few circumstances where the courts consider and analyze the parent’s mental stability, previous criminal recorded, history of violence in making a decision. This is important as it assesses whether a parent is mentally capable/stable enough to look after a child. Relevant cases to look at to support this are Marone vs. Marone (2008), or Chambers vs. Chambers (2009.) In the case of Marone vs. Marone, this was a custody battle over a new born baby, Mrs. Marone was seen drinking excessive amount of vodka, displaying unstable and characterized as “crazy” around her newborn son, she lost custody of her son, and wasn’t allowed visitor rights unless someone was present. Similar situation in the Chambers vs. Chambers (2009) except that the father had an history of abuse and violent behaviour around his childen, the court ruled in the favor of the mother as the father was accused to be dangerous and it was in the best interests of the children to be separated from him. <o:p></o:p>
To conclude, the law has corrected several things; as in the rights of gay and lesbian couples, the notion that a child requires both parents to have an adequate sense of wellbeing, and other discrimination acts, however today there are still many cases that go unheard of and reports that get neglected or where there is clearly an miscarriage of judgment being taken place. There have been several amounts of enacting and amending legislation for reform, but there is still some greater attention required for the contemporary issues. <o:p></o:p>
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enoilgam

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In this essay you seem to have gone backwards a little bit. Whilst you have improved in some areas (especially in structure), you have made some new mistakes with:

Language/style: Never EVER write in first person - this is the cardinal sin of essay writing. Also, you still use informal language (ie made a fuss). Also, some of your sentences are way too long (in paragraph one, one sentence is 77 words long, almost twice as long as it should be). You need to pay attention to the way you say things as well (your expression)

Cases/media reports/legislation: You use heaps, but you dont use them properly, you cannot merely list them you must indicate what point of law or issue which they illustrate.

Content: Is good, but the way you present it is still deficient. In your point on same sex marriages, your discussion shifts toward the media. You need to focus on the effectiveness of the legal system.

All in all, the content is there but the way it has been presented isnt very strong. I'd give this essay 8.5/15. I think you are biting off more then you can chew, especially as your starting essays on topics you wont study until next year. Try writing small responses for crime (the 3,4 & 5 markers). Although they arent on the HSC anymore, they will teach you valuable skills on how to effectively convey your knowledge to the marker. Dont be disheartened by my criticisms, essay writing is extremely tough and few people can master it (At university, I've seen how quite a few people write and they make the same mistakes as you - and these are law students I'm referring to). Hope you get back to me with another piece of writing.

By the way, what is your ATAR aim and desired uni course if you dont mind me asking.
 

Phoebe 123

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Um, I don't have high expectations, just around 70ish. Don't know what uni course yet.
 

Phoebe 123

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Mark this 4 marker from crime.

"Outline ONE method of situational crime prevention and ONE method of social crime prevention."

My answer:

Situational crime prevention is a method to prevent a crime from taking place on the location/scene of the crime where the criminal is intending to commit a crime. For example, if the criminal is going to come into your house, you ask for security alarms to govern every part of your house, including near the windows, the doors, the balcony, the rooms, hallway, and the kitchen to make the crime severely difficult to commit. The other method is social crime prevention; this is a strategy that is used to address the main issues that cause criminal behavior. For example, addressing the issue of poor education spread across the community by encouraging more educational facilities and programs to be built. These programs should include the issues and consequences of drug and alcohol abuse, drink driving, speeding, manslaughter and murder. This is an attempt to get the message across.
 
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enoilgam

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I'd say 3 out of 4. This answer is really good, the only reason I have deducted a half mark is due to expression (in your first sentence, you repeat crime and criminal too much, which reduces the answers level of sophistication). Also, for your example on situational crime prevention, its a little bit too "personal" (come into "your" house). Try and say like "For example, using security cameras and alarms too deter home invaders".

Also, you have got to make the answer to the question more explicit. Whilst you mention alarms/cameras for situational methods and educational programs for social methods, you dont make it clear enough that those are the methods which you are describing for the purposes of the question, if that makes sense

However, I'm just being picky so that you correct your writing style for your essays. Overall the answers is very good and the best you have shown me thus far.
 
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Phoebe 123

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To be honest, I don't even pay attention to my writing style most of the time, because I didn't know they deduct marks for that. I am so used to typing long sentences, and I don't even notice I am doing it, and also I type incredibly fast so I can't really fathom how long the sentence is.

Btw, what raw mark is needed to not get aligned down in the external exam? What was it for your year?
 

Phoebe 123

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Also, mark this 6 mark one "Outline the criminal process from a crime being reported to a sentence being given." I already did this, but this time I am describing the whole thing.

When someone from the community witnesses a crime, it is up to them to use discretion if they choose to report it or not. If they do choose to report it to the police, police will then choose to investigate this crime or not. Such factors will depend on the severity of the crime, the resources available, and who reported it. If the character who reported it has a criminal record or a history of lying to the police, police have discretion to ignore the report issued unless they are special circumstances to prove that the character is not lying this time around. If the crime is serious enough, and worthwhile to investigate, police will summon an investigation. They will look for forensic evidence, investigate around the scene of the crime, and question neighborhoods in the area in which the crime took place. If, after a while, they fail to find evidence to connect the crime to anyone, they can choose to dismiss the investigation and leave the case unsolved. However, if strong linking evidence does turn up, police will issue a warrant, search and seize the person who they found evidence against. After he/she is being brought into custody, they have the right to remain silent and take of all of their ornaments/jewelry. If they choose to not comply with these rules, this will be used against them in a court of law. After this, the accused is held in prison until a preliminary hearing which decides what will happen next unless police discover new evidence or if the person who really committed the crime comes forward. Decisions such as if the offender will be able to be granted bail, if they choose to plead guilty or not guilty to the charges against them, and when the trial/sentencing will be held will be discussed. If they enter a guilty plea, there is no trial, and the judge will immediately issue a sentencing date. The judge has discretion in whether or not to grant bail for the accused if it is demanded. The offender also has discretion in whether they choose to ask a third party to issue the money to grant them bail. Unless those situations arise, then the offender is held in custody until the sentencing date. However, if the defendant enters a non-guilty plea, then the case goes to trial, and again, negotiation for bail, same circumstances will apply. If not, the defendant is held in prison until the trial. Before the trial, the prosecutor and the defense must work on their cases and find new evidence before they present their argument. During the trial, after both parties have presented their arguments, their will be a break, and the jurors must present a verdict. If the jury finds the defendant not guilty, they are acquitted. If not, then the judge will immediately issue a sentencing date and on that date, the defendant will be sentenced. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:eek:ffice" /><o:p></o:p>
 
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enoilgam

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This is a really good response, so I am going to say 5.5/6. The reason I deducted half a mark is because you have just forgotten to add one thing. In the trial, the jury must decide beyond a reasonable doubt whether or not the defendant is guilty. In an exam, you would probably lose marks for this as well. Your writing has improved heaps and so has your expression.
 

Phoebe 123

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Yeah, and I also remembered to have too many words in one sentence. Btw, do you also mark responses for Economics? Because I can see in your signature, you have that in. I do Economics too.
 
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enoilgam

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Yeah, and I also remembered to have too many words in one sentence. Btw, do you also mark responses for Economics? Because I can see in your signature, you have that in. I do Economics too.
I can check economics stuff as well, but I am not as strong in economics as I am in legal (only got band 5 in eco).
 

Phoebe 123

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Same. It's probably because Economics is much harder. What UNI course do you do if you don't mind me asking?
 

enoilgam

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Same. It's probably because Economics is much harder. What UNI course do you do if you don't mind me asking?
Yeh, economics is way harder than legal, due to the sheer volume of content (my notes were 120 pages and I consider them to be brief). At the moment I'm doing Law/Commerce at Notre Dame.
 

Phoebe 123

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All humanities subjects are heavy on the content, especially Economics and Modern. I do Adv English, Advanced Maths, Legal, Economics, and Physics and Chem. You completed your HSC last year, correct? How much stress was it and how a big of a step was it from Yr 11?
 

enoilgam

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For me I found it to be a minor step upwards in terms of difficulty and workload, but thats mainly because I put a fair amount of work in for year 11. However, year 12 is far more stressful because it counts towards your final ATAR, whereas in year 11, if you dont go well it doesnt really mean anything. However in saying that, I always thought I would be far more stressed out then what I was for most of the year.
 

Phoebe 123

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So do you think me attempting HSC questions now is a good preperation for next term or am I just burning myself out since I won't exactly know what's required to get the top marks?
 

enoilgam

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So do you think me attempting HSC questions now is a good preperation for next term or am I just burning myself out since I won't exactly know what's required to get the top marks?
I think it is a good idea to attempt HSC questions from now as you want to start to iron out all your issues with writing as soon as possible. However, burnout is something you really need to look out for. What I noticed last year was that a lot of people who had never really done much work in high school started pounding it in the first term/semester of year 12. Whilst they did well at the begining of the year, they began to burn out in term two, just before the begining of the trials. This is the time where you need to start putting in the most effort and as they were burned out, their rankings really dropped off. So my advice would is to pace yourself, because you want to be hitting your peak performance around trial/HSC time and obviously not at the begining of the year.
 

Phoebe 123

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How many assessments and tests do you usually get in Term 1 of Year 12, (Yeah, I mean next term, Term 4 Year 11 basically.) Does it start of lightly or just gets straight into it?
 

enoilgam

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Depends on the school, at my school we had an exam block for the first term of HSC - so for us we got straight into it. In the second term, we had mid semester exams and in the third term we had assignments.
 

Phoebe 123

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Mark this 3 marker. "Outline the features of legal aid."

Legal aid, including legal representation is designed to ensure that all people who come before the law, have the right to a fair trial and a solid defense. The aim of legal aid is to remove inequality from the legal system. The group who is most likely to be granted legal aid are young children, as it takes note of their immaturity and innocence and their inability to commit mens rea. However, legal aid is necessary to all who face criminal charges. If it didn't exist in the legal system, there would be several cases where a miscarriage of justice would occur as the defendant would not have a defense.
 
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