Reviewing practice poetry? (1 Viewer)

[Reversal]

Hi!
I've been trying to improve my poetry in preparation for EE2.
I'd love some constructive critism or comments on which parts to keep/lose.

Thanks!


The Point

I try and try to be the best,
Just to reach the end.
That end at which but one question lies,
Shall I reach heaven?
Or will I join them?
There is an unknown fate for all,
All of us ants.
Catching our grain in sieves.

Perhaps I should fall,
Relax into life,
Watch the opportunities float by,
Sailing on the waves of go-getters.
I’ve seen them around,
Many nearby,
Apathy enshrouding the world,
Yet happy in comfort granted by others.

There is Joe-blow mowing his lawn,
Working each day he feeds his family,
Is he the model of an idyllic life?
Why strive to be mediocre?
I’ll snag the chance when it hits me full on,
But I’ll let some go when just out of my reach,
Do you need a mother to help you along?

Should I search for meaning–
In the world made of hay?
“No evidence that life is serious!”
No sir, I beg to differ.
I find that sadness had encroached.
A grave matter.
So I’ll dig in the ruins of social value,
To seek the needle of truth.

 

[kiniki]

the best preparation if you're going to choose poetry as your medium for year 12 is read read read
then read some more
then read some poetry that you hate
then read some modern poetry
then keep reading

 

[Asubmarine]

It's not really worth just working out minor edits and "improving" at the beginning of the course like this. EE2 isn't about polishing your poetry because frankly going into yr12 you haven't ever had a chance to explore your own poetic style. Instead of asking for small tips you should be reading and experimenting, trying to create your own unique brand of writing.

 

[riamu]

All of that said, in general, so many commas are unnecessary. Write daily and you will get better. Also, get as many people reading your poetry as possible - advice is your bffl.