And now my requested Target ones: (Menswear and Registers)
1) This is actually a quote from a badge but also a good rule of thumb: "They don't pay me enough to smile"
2) When I've just finished cleaning up the boardshorts rack and you come along and start throwing them everywhere, don't be suprised when I come along and start basically cleaning them from under and above you as it is my job, if you get shitty, please, contact my manager!
3) When I'm rushing up to registers from my own department becuase its busy, don't act like you're making my day, your not.
4) If the EFTPOS machine has a sign with red lettering saying "don't move me" it is possibly becuase if it is moved it will die, and the line behind you will get very long while I wait for it to reload...
5) The change rooms are in ladies wear, you know, under the big sign saying "Change Rooms" and where all the other signs in the shop point...
6) If my light is not on, you can walk down to my register if i coax you, etc as it is possibly that the lightbulb has just blown...
7) I do not need to hear what is for who and why...
8) No, the belt does not go free with those pants, sorry, if you have a problem with this, I accept complaints in writting only! (for my resume) (has happened, did tell guy to complain if he really wanted to, geee I love reverse psychology)
9) Please, use the much signposted change rooms for changing (had guy my age me forced by his mum to change in the middle of mens, my female kidswear counterpart thought it wasn't too bad as he was only wearing undies, trust me, I didn't)
10) Don't ask me if my kidswear counterpart is drunk, i won't answer becuase I think it would be immoral as then could you officially complain (Happened every saturday or sunday morning shift!)
11) Please, don't ask me for colour co-ordination advice, get a girlfriend or a wife, or go home and bring your mother in with you, you bum!
12) Again, the fitting rooms are in ladieswear, under the big sign, yes that big sign...
13) If the girl in the fitting rooms is crying because of how badly she has been treated by people like you, don't act offended when I ask you to put your own clothes back through gritted teeth...
14) I can only serve one person at a time, please don't all rush me and then act annoyed when I go back to serving who I was serving
15) (In my old store, menswear and baby got linked together somehow) i am a 16 year old male, I really don't know all of the specifics of this criba nd how well it will work, if you want service, go to an actual retail store...
16) Actually, when we turn the light off it is a subtle hint to leave...
17) (To my manager) what do you mean I shouldn't help the cutomers unless they ask for help? (Actually happened)
18) No, I'm sorry but we don't have any T-Shirts they look like they say "*insert brand name here*" and look like thier new styles...
19) Yes, we did ruin the skating brand World Industries by stocking their products, I completely agree with you...
20) When stealing, please try not to walk in front of the main office where I am talking to a bunch of managers, one will have the guts to give chase (actually happened)
21) No, we don't stock the products that appear in the K-Mart catelogue, now please stop going on about it, or I will get nasty!
22) When I hang up on you for being rude, please don't ring back and expect fantastic service even if you've fixed your attitude!
23) Could you please keep all children from scanning jackets 3 times, and if you complain about how long it is taking, not expect me to fold your garments neatly...
24) Yes, that shirt is missing a button, thats why it's marked down, you want cheaper? Not beg or I will get shitty
25) Please remember when stealing shoes, it is always helpful to take a pair...
26) When stealing underwear, please take the packet with you so I don't have to clean it up...
27) If you start throwing hair gel around don't expect me to me nice to you when you get a giant blob on my shirt!
28) What, you want to complain and bitch for 1/2 an hour? Ask for a manager, or wait, see that girl over there (she was a bitch and had it coming)
29) When running out of the store because your bakcpack begins beeping when it goes through the scanners, please remember to take the things you actualy paid for with you, and don't forget your reciept...
30) If your not nice to me, I will work slower
31) Yes, we do have fitting rooms, they are there, under the sign (do you signs a pattern emeging?)
32) You go right ahead and report me to my supervisor, unfortunately you can't get into the tea room where all the supervisors and managers are at present, but oh well...
33) I actually don't work in the sound and vision area, dont talk to me about Halo, please!!!
34) Although we do sell g-strings and scary looking revealing underwear and jockstraps, unfortunately I haven't tried all of them, and I don't actually know if jockstraps actually stay in play (the straps)
35) I think the point of g-strings is that they "ride up", so why are you asking? (Has happened, in menswear)