Staying friends after a break-up (2 Viewers)

[Tulipa]

Yeh it definately is harder. Never had a relationship with a best friend so I've always cut off all contact and started fresh. Does depend on the situation you have, but I personally can't stand the eeriness and sour taste that's left over. If my current gf and I were to break-up, then I strongly doubt that we'd stay in contact.

That's a depressing thought.

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

Why not?

If you're talking about "serious relationships" then it obviously wasn't just about hooking up or sex, there was a layer of friendship (hopefully). So why not hold onto that and keep a good friend?

Well if you were more into a bloke than he was into you, and he dropped you cold, would you really want to pursue a friendship???

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

That's a depressing thought.

That's just telling it how it is.

 

[stazi]

Well if you were more into a bloke than he was into you, and he dropped you cold, would you really want to pursue a friendship???

you do realise that you've gone from: they can never remain friends to they could if they were friends to start with, if they become friends, if the break up is mutual, etc.

 

[Tulipa]

Well if you were more into a bloke than he was into you, and he dropped you cold, would you really want to pursue a friendship???

After a couple years (again, talking serious relationship) I don't know if that would happen.

Keep your story straight yeah?

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

I always said if they were 'best friends' beforehand (ie very close friendship for a decent period of time), then they could remain good friends after a break-up . Never deviated from that position.

 

[stazi]

I always said if they were 'best friends' beforehand (ie very close friendship for a decent period of time), then they could remain good friends after a break-up . Never deviated from that position.

pwned by your own post

Think you may have miss-read that one there mate. What I meant was that after a break-up the couple involved will never be 'really good friends'. There'll always be a sour taste from the break-up and that can't be denied.

Have got heaps of mates, both blokes and girls, and all of them agree with me on the sour taste being left after a break-up.

The only guys who stay really good friends with the girl after they break up are either gay or they've known each other since they were 4-5 years old. Other than that, wtf would you bother wasting your time being friends with your ex girlfriend??? Move on, it's over.

The only conditions you put were the guy being gay, or them knowing each other from childhood

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

12,000 posts mate lol. Good luck with it!

 

[stazi]

oh wow, you sure pwned me hardcore.

12,467 to be precise.

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

I just find it funny that this is how you get ur kicks

 

[stazi]

nah, i get kicks in many ways. this is just one of them.

your point?

 

[conics2008]

no its not worth it.. she/he will become a whore to you.

plus you have to whore back ( if you know what I mean )

*looks around*

 

[iNerd]

just... don't

i personally think you should just leave it
after a break-up
unless you were real mature?

 

[vannilla_latte]

this is a total YES! it was a must for me... i guess i fell for my ex when we were together but i loved him for who he was but the only thing was that there were things standing in my way and thus I broke up with him.. yes i did. i kno i sound insane and crazy for saying that i loved him but still broke up wif him. the whole friendship thing was wat we planned wen were together... i must admit the first two months was HARDD. he would hardly talk to me and wen i did he always sounded in a bad mood. and just the other week, we're the way we planned we'd be. REALLY GOOD FRIENDS.. (and we so miss each other) *sniif* im f**ed in the head =[

 

[Kwayera]

We thought we could be friends. We were wrong (though admittedly that is his fault).

Now I have lost my best friend along with my boyfriend.

 

[vannilla_latte]

We thought we could be friends. We were wrong (though admittedly that is his fault).

Now I have lost my best friend along with my boyfriend.

naww that suckks majorlyy =[ i feel for you
i cant imagine not being close friends with my ex... id think id go insane

 

[Jachie]

We thought we could be friends. We were wrong (though admittedly that is his fault).

Now I have lost my best friend along with my boyfriend.

and this is what i'm terrified of happening to me

anyway this thread has been really awesome to read. kind of relevant to the messy situation i'm in now... i don't know, can two people ever go back to being "just friends" when they're still in love with each other?

 

[quik.]

Given enough time and space? Maybe.

It's not something you can get a straight up answer about, it depends on the people involved, what they truly want and if they can respect boundaries and let each other heal.

 

[Jachie]

i think i'm finding though that when both individuals are still in love with each other, neither party has the inclination to draw up any definitive boundaries or the willpower to maintain them. which definitely makes keeping things "just friends" infinitely more hard

 

[quik.]

I'm not sure of your situation obviously, but if you guys are still into each other I don't see why you would need to worry about just being friends anyways?

Generally I am of the opinion that to remain friends after splitting up you need a period of time away from the other person, how long that is will depend on individuals, and after you have gotten over each other you can work on being friends again

Ymmv