Swearing in a Creative Writing and post-Apocalyptic idea. (1 Viewer)

[Marundanation]

Hello,

First off this is a double-post from http://community.boredofstudies.org...g-creative-writing-post-apocalyptic-idea.html I think I posted it in the wrong section because I am getting no views.

But anyway.
I'm doing a creative writing about two characters in a post-apocalyptic world (sounds familiar?).
Because of the circumstances they live in they have to deal with extraordinary things to survive.

I know post-apocalyptic is not really...original. But I tried different ways to make it non-cliché as possible, the post-apocalypse setting is just a setting that forced these two characters to work together - nothing more, my English teacher(s) agreed to this and so I used it. Hell, I am trying to avoid to mention the word "apocalypse" and just describe the setting through imagery (which is always a good idea).

And no zombies! Just ordinary people trying to survive in an extraordinary world. Its POST-apocalyptic not apocalyptic so that means there is civilisation but food and shelter is a rarity so that's why people are desperate.

My creative writing is in no way violent to the point where I describe how I see blood dripping or guts rolling - none of that, but I still want to express that sense of desperation and darkness somehow through dialogue.
One of my lines are:
“Oh shit-” Tom panicked then hid behind a fallen tree trunk.

As you can see I added very subtle cursing because its suppose to be natural.

Just imagine if I censored it:
"Oh fudge-"
"Oh crap-"
"Oh praise the lord-"

My teacher said it is OK as long it is appropriate and fits the context, not because I feel like it.

You see where I am going? Do you people think this is safe thing to do?

They are not going to call the council and check my mental state aren't they?

This is for Year 12 English Standard, AOS belonging.

 

[strawberrye]

Just remember one thing, I really suggest you do a story on some much more common thematic concerns to which everyone can relate. I would seriously advise you to stay away from the post-apocalyptic genre, the more believable your story it-i.e. exploring everyday life in an everyday world, the more immersed your markers become, and naturally the more marks they will give you. But if you are adamant in going along with this story, I am sure that the marking centre will not be calling the mental asylums any time soon-so you are more than safe, whether you are safe to adhere to the demands of the top band marking criteria, that's another question altogether. Anyways, best wishes for your creative to turn out the way you want it to

 

[Marundanation]

Just remember one thing, I really suggest you do a story on some much more common thematic concerns to which everyone can relate. I would seriously advise you to stay away from the post-apocalyptic genre, the more believable your story it-i.e. exploring everyday life in an everyday world, the more immersed your markers become, and naturally the more marks they will give you. But if you are adamant in going along with this story, I am sure that the marking centre will not be calling the mental asylums any time soon-so you are more than safe, whether you are safe to adhere to the demands of the top band marking criteria, that's another question altogether. Anyways, best wishes for your creative to turn out the way you want it to

Thanks for your kind words.
I do feel I am stuck with this now since for Visual Art I am also doing an apocalyptic theme. So there is no turning back now.
I did received feedback from my peers and teacher and they said its fine as long it is not in focus of the story.
I want to show belonging through dialogue, actually 70% of this written piece is dialogue.

Here is an example of belonging (or not-belonging) through dialogue when two characters is walking through an abandoned museum:
Tom turns around and I could see his stern face again.
“Excuse me?” he said in a brusque voice, I could see his teeth grinding.
“I said-”
Tom puts a finger over his dried lips.
“Keep your damn voice down” he lashed at me.
I took a deep breath and sighed.
“Okay.” I answered and frowned.
Tom shrugs and walls off.

And later...

We sat down on a fallen pillar, it was dark and cold, there was a long moment of silence. I kept my head down and didn't say anything. Tom looked at me like I'm a sad puppy.
“Look- sorry if I got you upset. I was just-...trying to get us through this, okay?”
he sighed and took a deep breath.
“I hope you understand” he said softly.
I looked into his glittering eyes, he usually do not open to me like this but I know he means well. I had to break the silence so I responded.
“Sure” I uttered, nodding my head.
“Just tell me when you are ready and we'll be off” Tom said.

Like I said, I am trying not to make the setting in focus, its more like...running in the background. Especially the part when I wrote We sat down on a fallen pillar, it was dark and cold. A fallen pillar is ofcourse the cause & effect of apocalyptic events.

I'm more concerned about the swearing.

 

[strawberrye]

Is it possible for you not to include the swearing?-surely you just need to change the personalities of your characters by a bit? I always recalled my teachers asking our cohort to stay away from stories which has a great amount of dialogue, probably due to the fact very little people can write very good dialogue. Just make sure you are showing the transformation of the character throughout the story, from not belonging to belonging or vice versa-this transformation is very important to contributing to a good belonging creative. For some reason, I did a completely different them for visual arts compared to my belonging creative, English and visual arts never really intersect much for me... anyways, hope this helps

 

[Absolutezero]

Swearing is fine, but you can probably do without it. Then again, I wrote aids fuckers go home in my essay and topped the class. So it's all relative.

 

[Marundanation]

Is it possible for you not to include the swearing?-surely you just need to change the personalities of your characters by a bit? I always recalled my teachers asking our cohort to stay away from stories which has a great amount of dialogue, probably due to the fact very little people can write very good dialogue. Just make sure you are showing the transformation of the character throughout the story, from not belonging to belonging or vice versa-this transformation is very important to contributing to a good belonging creative. For some reason, I did a completely different them for visual arts compared to my belonging creative, English and visual arts never really intersect much for me... anyways, hope this helps

Gotcha!

Since I posted some samples of my creative writing (see post #3) what do you think of them? I spent the whole weekend just trying out between "Ping-Pong dialogue" and "descriptive dialogue". My use of words may appear to be basic for now but by reading them do you feel like the writing is flowing or engaged?

 

[strawberrye]

Gotcha!

Since I posted some samples of my creative writing (see post #3) what do you think of them? I spent the whole weekend just trying out between "Ping-Pong dialogue" and "descriptive dialogue". My use of words may appear to be basic for now but by reading them do you feel like the writing is flowing or engaged?

I think your dialogue was executed quite fine, however, without having seen the rest of your story, I cannot make an accurate judgment, however, what I can say is that you need to be very careful you don't have excessive dialogue-you need to make sure you are showing rather than explaining everything. Perhaps consider changing your character's names to less common ones to make it stand out more. Sometimes leaving your creative writing piece for a day or two before coming back to it may be the best way to improve on it-you tend to be able to be more critical of your own writing then

 

[Marundanation]

I think your dialogue was executed quite fine, however, without having seen the rest of your story, I cannot make an accurate judgment, however, what I can say is that you need to be very careful you don't have excessive dialogue-you need to make sure you are showing rather than explaining everything. Perhaps consider changing your character's names to less common ones to make it stand out more. Sometimes leaving your creative writing piece for a day or two before coming back to it may be the best way to improve on it-you tend to be able to be more critical of your own writing then

Thanks for the tip.
Last week we were doing creative writing but this week and beyond we are moving to writing essays anyway.
If I must, should I PM you of my creative writing? I am not happy with my introduction and ending yet but the fleshy parts are almost done.
Actually I am too embarrassed to show you my ending haha.

EDIT: No time today. Got to sleep.

 

[Rockmelt]

Could you possibly have something like:

“Oh shi-” Cut off by panic, Tom then hid behind a fallen tree trunk.

?

 

[Absolutezero]

Could you possibly have something like:

“Oh shi-” Cut off by panic, Tom then hid behind a fallen tree trunk.

?

You could say the whole the word if you wanted to. As it currently is, you're drawing unnecessary attention to it.