...and multiply it by itself a thousand times. And this is even worse...
Last night (or should I say, this morning) I had a major meltdown. A lot of things triggered it...the short list goes...
My grandfather died...in addition to this (or as a result?) I had to fly back to Malaysia immediately to spend 2 rotten weeks in a rottener house with the rottenest people - missing out on the endofterm festivities, my brother got food poisoning and we had to look after him, I didn't get prefect, I screwed up Ext Eng big time (78) and so my average this year has gone kaput, my fishtank is leaking, one of the ponds looks empty (our garden's birds have a lot to answer to), I'm not allowed to play the piano, mum fully hates my singing...just when I thought I'd "discovered" that I could sing when Mrs T gave me a vocal solo...everytime I open my mouth she tells me to shut up, I'm grounded for the rest of the holidays, my violin is locked in at school, my parametrics were disintegrating because I'd missed the whole last week of school, my brother just got a new $465 violin case just by asking and is on his way to getting some Obligato strings which cost upwards of a hundred bucks a set when I can't get the bow upgrade even when my teacher said I need one because my bow is "el cheapo" and I'm the more advanced player even if I have poorer technique because the parents took away my lessons...and to add to that, I rang all my friends when I came back from Malaysia, and nobody picked up their phones, and when I left messages for them only one person rang back. It was as if when they saw me on caller ID they decided not to answer. And I genuinely needed help, because I've missed so much school, and my brains have rotted.
Anyhow. So I basically collapsed emotionally last night and made up my mind to go get a kitchen knife and slit my wrists.
