what are easy, guilt free ways to become friends with girls at Uni? (1 Viewer)

[Chevalier]

hey all I'm freely acknowledging here that I'm not as proficient as all of you are in meeting and greeting new people and making friends of them, especially if they're of the opposite gender. I am seriously lacking in this particular department, which is why I posted this thread with this particular topic. I seriously need some advice here.

So currently I have my eye out for opportunities in which I might make some friends who are chicks. I'll try to include myself in different social groups. But I would also prefer to meet girls on my own terms and in situations brought about by my own initiative. I'm looking catch a girl who's sitting alone somewhere so that I might approach her and start talking to her in an attempt to befriend her. And then to cap it off I'll probably seat myself next to or near her in the lecture hall and then ask her out for coffee or join her for lunch later on .
BUT.........

I do have a strong conscience and a rather domineering voice in my head telling me that that's immoral and that I'm nothing but an opportunistic creep for doing so and that this is just a cheap, morally debased way of hooking up with chicks. Is there anything wrong with this? What else could I do?

At the moment I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm not asking for advice in picking up girls or getting laid or anything, so plz no sleazy pickup lines or tactics, I'm looking to create good, honest and healthy friendships with girls that will last even after uni.
And who knows. The girls who I become friends with will possibly even be the ones who will invite me to their weddings. Perhaps invite me to reunions or get-together in the distant future, long after uni. Mabye even share with me their troubles and grievances concerning family life. And I too would do all this.

Mabye I'm just fantasizing. Mabye I'm a naive fool for thinking about it this way. But I admit it sure is nice to think about

 

[nomoar]

ha, that's cute, but what exactly would give you a sense of guilt?

just have honest intentions and don't think about it or prepare. you'll be fine.

 

[Shadowdude]

Chavelier, you think in a very romantic and pure way. I do too.

You know you only have good intentions to befriend women - so go for it! Your Freudian slips, if you even had any, would show nothing wrong.

Just go there, go up to someone and just talk. Like, if she's sitting down on the staircase - in my eccentric and wierd way, I would probably go up to her and say, "You know, there's a perfectly good chair over there" - complete with a point to said chair.

Now that's my way of starting conversations, and it's a way I like and am comfortable with. Common territory is very much needed for any conversation - so why not start it with something both of you can see?


Now the only think preventing me doing that to everything is a natural shyness. People have it. But it doesn't hurt going up and talking to someone - and keeping it light means you can break away quickly.

But don't go purposely out of your way to sit next to her in the lecture hall... that'd be kinda wierd. Do that when you're friends.

I'd only ask a girl out to coffee if I tried the above environment-based conversation and then it went on for a while and I had to leave. I'd probably say something but I have no idea what to say... so I'd have to make it up on the spot. Something like, I have to go now - it was great talking to you. Hey listen, I know this great coffee place - want to go chat some more there after such and such?


Go there, and just be yourself. You lapse into your natural shell anyway - just go there, be interesting, be friendly and all will work out. You'll find someone. Like at the UNSW Info Day, first girl I talked to - we got onto a twenty minute conversation. Me, the guy with perennial girl problems. It was... shocking, to say the least.

If I can do it - sure as hell you can.

 

[FreeWorld]

No sleazy pick-up lines? you're asking in the wrong forum bud.

 

[Shadowdude]

We'll let the mods decide that.

 

[Absolutezero]

You know that little voice in your head that expresses all your self-loathing, fear, insecurity and doubt...

Ignore it. It's just a normal conversation.

 

[Chevalier]

@nomoar- I feel guilt because I just think its in a guys disposition to want to approach and chat up girls. And for girls to reject them and choose to not have anything to do with them at all. Hence that makes me feel guilty for wanting to talk to them in the first place.

I do feel like I've just put my heart out on a platter here. So am I alright in resting on the assumption that people will be out to make new friends during the first few days at Uni, cause they're lonely like I might be? That they won't think there's anything wrong with me it, and will put all my doubts and uncertainties to rest by accepting me as a friend? Will people judge me unfavorably or formulate biased perceptions of me as readily as in the playground of primary or secondary school? I'm willing to bet yes of course, unless someone, or anyone, who is more informed of this issue than I is willing to enlighten me on the subject. Please, go right ahead, for I am in ignorant and am in the pursuit of knowledge.

 

[Shadowdude]

If you don't act like a guy who just wants to screw them, they aren't going to treat you like one.

Uni is a big place - not everyone will get the gossip that you are such and such. It's like a mini-society. Like if my friends say I'm a dumb person, not everyone in the world will know that. It'll be just those who I know or see regularly. So really, only the people you know or see regularly will create these perceptions of you.


For myself, I'm not going to be chatting up everyone. In fact, I'll probably try and find other loners and talk with them. Environment-based conversation is what I'll use. I'm also naturally shy, but you have to go in there - because no one knows you - and make a few connections at the very least. I'll try. Yes, go with your friends and others who came from your school but branch out from there.

If you're friendly enough, you'll seem like someone who is lonely and just wants someone to talk to.

 

[deathdude222]

If your penis is over 7 inches and you go to UNSW, you will have a bright international-student-banging life ahead of you.

 

[slyhunter]

Lol deathdude.

 

[Shadowdude]

I'd get my ruler out, but I may be in for disappointment =P

Still, when we talk 'international students' are we talking Asians mostly? If so, imo, it's not that big of a loss...!

 

[slyhunter]

Why do you say such a thing over the intarwebs Shadow? =P

 

[Shadowdude]

You mean Asian-hate? It's because I see so many Caucasian male-Asian female couple and I'm going, "Why the hell would you do something like that...?" I find Asian girls repulsive mostly because they look like my sister.


And the ruler thing... uhh, well - Freudian slip? =P

 

[em9c]

wtf rascist

 

[slyhunter]

It was focused towards the ruler thing. =P

 

[Shadowdude]

I'm not racist. I'm Asian myself - it's called finding things to hate about your culture =P

And the ruler thing? Uhh, no idea. I felt an innate need to comment on it for some reason...

 

[deathdude222]

You mean Asian-hate? It's because I see so many Caucasian male-Asian female couple and I'm going, "Why the hell would you do something like that...?" I find Asian girls repulsive mostly because they look like my sister.

I'm a Caucasian male. All of my friends and people I hang out with (excluding my family) are or have been Asian. I feel as though I don't belong in a Caucasian group because most of them I know are either dropouts or druggie skaters etc. Naturally, I've grown an attraction towards Asian culture, society and women. I still find Caucasian women attractive, it's just that they seem to be more - how do I put this... - demanding and controlling? in a relationship. Asian women seem to have a more submissive nature towards their men and for the most part would actually look forward to being housewives, which is sort of like my mum and dad where my mum is the housewife (and a damn good sandwich maker at that) and my dad is the breadwinner (which is sort of my ideal marriage situation). Since I've grown up around people with these sorts of .. ways of life? I have concluded that I will most likely marry an Asian woman.

Oh and I do see Caucasian males going out with horrible looking Asian females if that's what you mean, which I agree with - Maybe because they can't tell the difference between Asian people (no racism intended)? I have also developed an eye for spotting good looking Asian women from years of hanging out with my Asian male friends

-End D&M session- Lol.

 

[SuperDumbo]

Once again a thread goes off topic. Be a listener girls love talking =).

 

[Shadowdude]

I'm a Caucasian male. All of my friends and people I hang out with (excluding my family) are or have been Asian. I feel as though I don't belong in a Caucasian group because most of them I know are either dropouts or druggie skaters etc. Naturally, I've grown an attraction towards Asian culture, society and women. I still find Caucasian women attractive, it's just that they seem to be more - how do I put this... - demanding and controlling? in a relationship. Asian women seem to have a more submissive nature towards their men and for the most part would actually look forward to being housewives, which is sort of like my mum and dad where my mum is the housewife (and a damn good sandwich maker at that) and my dad is the breadwinner (which is sort of my ideal marriage situation). Since I've grown up around people with these sorts of .. ways of life? I have concluded that I will most likely marry an Asian woman.

Oh and I do see Caucasian males going out with horrible looking Asian females if that's what you mean, which I agree with - Maybe because they can't tell the difference between Asian people (no racism intended)? I have also developed an eye for spotting good looking Asian women from years of hanging out with my Asian male friends

-End D&M session- Lol.

Yeah, I find Caucasian women are more controlling and domineering - a la Kate in 'The Taming of the Shrew'. They're more independent. Personally, while it seems good to find an Asian woman - who does want to become a housewife and settle down and all that jazz - they seem to me... somewhat 'weak' (I suppose is the word? I'm not sure).

Still, I'm having a hard time defining exactly what I want because I came from a background where the wives stayed at home and did domestic duties and the husband did the breadwinning. It's a mix of the two but... yeah. Too hard to define right now...

And yes, I see the Caucasian guys going out with horrible looking Asian girls mostly. Besides, it's pretty obvious to spot Asians (in my opinion) - if the eyes don't give it away, the look of the face and especially the hair colour (unless they are cheats who dye their hair) will give it away. Who knows.

Well, good look to you in your finding a good looking Asian woman quest. You seem to be able to spot some =P


SuperDumbo, yeah... it's off topic but not so. It's still remotely on girls.

 

[Omie Jay]

do group assignment with them, then keep being friends with them afterwards (as long as you did your part of the work, helped out where possible, and were nice).

say hi or say soemthing related to your subject or something completely random, to the male/female sitting next to you in tutorials, or lectures even.
then say a casual bye when the class ends and you leave (because it's not nice to say something random to a person and maybe talk to them a little bit during the class, and leave without saying anything).