Why am i so scared?? (1 Viewer)

[aimstar555]

okay here's the story.

last nite i was @ my first uni party and it was dress up. after gettin kicked out of the party @ bout 11:30, myself (dressed as a skoolgirl) and my girl friends didn't wanna go home so we kicked on to another bar in the city.
we started dancing and after about half an hour this guy (who i know was watching me) comes up to me and asks to buy me a drink. i said yes and we sit down to talk.
after a bit, he asks for my number and whether he can call me. he's 22, a policeman and looks pretty nice. so i said yes. and yes he kissed me good nite.
he msg me this morning and asked if i got home okay and says he'll call me soon.
my prob is that i havn't dated anyone in bout 4 months (since my ex bf dumped me) and i'm a little bit scared and not sure if i wanna go out with this guy. ne advice would be great

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Are you scared of being hurt by him?

If you don't feel comfortable with dating just yet, make it clear to him and the two of you can still be friends.

I'm guessing you're 17 or 18. Around 5 years of age difference is still quite big when we're still young. I don't know either of you so I can't really judge the potential of your relationship. There are cases where larger age gaps work, but it's often more difficult than dating someone closer to your own age.

Anyway, don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Wait a few months if you feel that's what you should do.

 

[aimstar555]

no i'm more scared that i'm gonna get myself hurt by falling too hard for this guy.
plus my ex was the same age as me (i'm 18) and we were together for 18 months, but his maturity at times was of a 4 year old. maybe thats why i'm lookin for an older guy i dont know.
i guess it's just the whole "taking a risk and either sink or swim" concept thats bothering me. i mite need a nite to sleep on it so i can think straight

 

[Dreamerish*~]

no i'm more scared that i'm gonna get myself hurt by falling too hard for this guy.
plus my ex was the same age as me (i'm 18) and we were together for 18 months, but his maturity at times was of a 4 year old. maybe thats why i'm lookin for an older guy i dont know.
i guess it's just the whole "taking a risk and either sink or swim" concept thats bothering me. i mite need a nite to sleep on it so i can think straight

Haha, that's like my boyfriend. Except I also happen to have a maturity of a 4-year-old so we're doing juuuuuuuuust fine.

Good idea, sleep on it. Don't do something you'll regret. Think about it this way - if you stay friends, you can have as long as you like (well, as long as he still wants you) to decide whether or not you want a relationship with him; but if you make a rash decision on going out with him, there isn't really a way out without either ruining a friendship or coming off as a "player".

 

[SuGa BunI =D]

says he'll call me soon.

a call is a call
dating is dating
your getting ahead of yourself dont you think? take it as it comes

 

[bscienceboi]

Your scared because he messaged you the day after you gave him your number, hence he is desperate (if you follow the 3 day rule) .

Or maybe because he's a cop. Lots of problems could arise there.

 

[INXS]

a call is a call
dating is dating
your getting ahead of yourself dont you think? take it as it comes

Yeah don't put the cart infront of the horse.

 

[iambored]

this guy (who i know was watching me) comes up to me and asks to buy me a drink. i said yes and we sit down to talk.

I know it all went well but watch out next time

I think you might be scared because you don't actally know him and he's a bit older than you. He's a cop so he's got a job, a powerful one at that, you might feel a bit inferior/young.

If you go anywhere, go somewhere public until you get to feel comfortable around him. I don't always trust the motives of guys that pick up at bars and make fast moves. They could be nice though.

Just take it easy at first. You are the women, and so you can hold him at an arms length no matter what. He can't force you to do anything, and he can't harass you. You are the one with the power, he is in your hand.

why?

 

[arooshika...]

probably you are scared of starting a new relationship after your old one

 

[sunjet]

fuck tha police

 

[azzie]

Because she has an obvious advantage. He's lucky that she's even considering him; most people i know would vomit if they thought of going out with someone so old.

No offence, maybe you don't know mature enough girls, but dating someone who's 22 aint that big a deal... I know a girl with the same age gap between her and her boyfriend and they're so totally in love and it's the most perfect relationship ever, everyone who knows them says "oh one day I want to have a relationship thats as perfect as theirs."
For a girl, I don't think an age difference of 5 years is a big thing. Boys are a bit behind on maturity (no offence, but most teenage guys don't understand whats with girls getting emotional and they hate it)

Anyways....! I think you should just get to know him first, go out somewhere a few times, just chat and figure out what he's like. The good thing about going out with a copper is you would know they'd do the "propper" thing (unless they want to get their ass fired).
Sus him out and then make a decision. Just make sure you are coming into the relationship with an open mind and not still worried about things that happened with your ex.
I hope it works out well

 

[iambored]

Because she has an obvious advantage. He's lucky that she's even considering him; most people i know would vomit if they thought of going out with someone so old.

I would have thought the guy had the advantage because he is older, might consider himself more powerful and knowledgeable and would expect things to be done his way. 22 isn't very old, you have a different persepctive while you're still at school but once you leave and mix with people of more different ages you find they are a similar age to you.

 

[gordo]

a cop thats the best
u can get out of all your fines

 

[repz]

Well firstly, get to know the guy
before you rush into anything, a person always shows there best in the beginning of a relationship, or during the time they get to know each other, after this time you can then begin to judge whether or not you want to be with this guy.
a few people end up saying "what a jerk" when they find otu what the guy is really like. but since his a policeofficer he should be a nice guy.
one good piece of advice i can offer, is dont put him on a level which is so much higher on you. if you place him on top of everything in your world, you will find that you will fall so much harder for this guy. he is human and he does have faults whether you can accept him for them is another question. but just dun make him out to be your prince charming to begin with

 

[santaslayer]

No offence, maybe you don't know mature enough girls, but dating someone who's 22 aint that big a deal... I know a girl with the same age gap between her and her boyfriend and they're so totally in love and it's the most perfect relationship ever, everyone who knows them says "oh one day I want to have a relationship thats as perfect as theirs."
For a girl, I don't think an age difference of 5 years is a big thing. Boys are a bit behind on maturity (no offence, but most teenage guys don't understand whats with girls getting emotional and they hate it)

Anyways....! I think you should just get to know him first, go out somewhere a few times, just chat and figure out what he's like. The good thing about going out with a copper is you would know they'd do the "propper" thing (unless they want to get their ass fired).
Sus him out and then make a decision. Just make sure you are coming into the relationship with an open mind and not still worried about things that happened with your ex.
I hope it works out well

But he can't get his arse fired for getting a woman drunk and then fucking her...

 

[super katie]

5 years is a HELL of a lot of difference. She is the one with the advantage, as he is a 22 year old. Any person under 20 who goes out with someone over 20 is under a spell of the older person.

I'm not saying age gaps in general are bad, because almost every marriage has an age gap; i'm pointing out this particular age. Why the hell would an 18 year old even want to look at a 22 year old? They're fat and hairy and... ewww.

As an 18 year old girl currently seeing a 22 year old guy I disagree... no one is under anyone's "spell", although I pretty much call the shots. I think, after experience with guys younger than me and the same age as me, that older guys are definately the way to go. There is truth in the argument that in general, guys mature later and so older guys are generally on the same maturity level as girls a couple of years younger than them. And my boy most definately isnt fat and hairy, I dont know how many 22 year old guys you know but none of the ones I know even remotely fit that description.

 

[azzie]

But he can't get his arse fired for getting a woman drunk and then fucking her...

and the likelyhood that that will happen?
quite seriously, why bother getting a girl pissed and risk scandal if you can find someone else?

 

[azzie]

\Why the hell would an 18 year old even want to look at a 22 year old? They're fat and hairy and... ewww.

What kinda sweeping statement is that 22 year olds are fat and hairy and "eww"? The most attractive guy I know is 23 and he is neither fat nor hairy nor eww.
All your arguements seem to be based on false generalisations.
Women, REAL women like men, not boys.

 

[Ghandi10]

REAL women have self respect and aren't sluts. So I guess that excludes you.

 

[azzie]

REAL women have self respect and aren't sluts. So I guess that excludes you.

ooooh touche.... so why am i a slut?
trust me, i have a hell of a lot more self respect than you. i don't need to stoop to the level of calling people childish names to get my point across.
you arguements are about as good as anti-mathmites