Will look over your creative writing (1 Viewer)

[-may-cat-]

How is this for a short story?, I would appreciate it if you or anyone for that matter gave some feedback.

It's a moderately rushed story based on belonging.

The general idea is that a descendant of Adolf Hitler is harassed by Neo-Nazi factions who want him to be a part of their organizations.... Have a look.


View attachment 17912

Btw I still need to fine tune it.

hay, i don't have time to look over it properly atm, but from what i can see just from skimming:

1: It is far too long, 2000 is too much

2: You go in and out of tenses a couple of times, just have a look for the odd words and fix it up

3: Its not 'hail hitler' its 'heil hitler' or 'Heil, mein Führer', when you write about history, you really do have to get these things right.

As for your questions, yes, its not just acceptable, it is extremely important to discuss context (time, place, setting) in your story, particularly in one as historically based as yours.

Plot is important, but description is more important, charcter development is the thing you really want to focus on. As a general rule have a simple plot, too much event based writing results in shit marks as the marker dosnt give a shit about the characters and it sounds like this:

He did this, then this happened, but this intervened, right before this happened, then she showed up, and he did this, but she did that, so together they did something.

Conceptual ideas (belonging) are usually easier to bring in through extensive characterisation (charcters thoughts and feelings etc) rather then events anyway. Think of it this way, thoughts and feelings of the character come first, the plot is used as a means to manipulate these thoughts and feeling to bring out conceptual ideas.

Cant really comment on structure till i read the whole thing, sorry.

 

[Tully B.]

3: Its not 'hail hitler' its 'heil hitler' or 'Heil, mein Führer', when you write about history, you really do have to get these things right.

Or "Zig heil Hitler".
Whatever works for you.
Would that be confusing? Going in and out of the English language?
I guess it would make sense to keep one or two known phrases in German.

I'm one of the 90 odd German extension students, so if you want me to help you with any other translations, I'd be happy to oblige.
Don't use internet translators. Their shit.

 

[Liisaaaa]

this is crappy wrote it in lyk a SECOND no joke lol
but i will get u to reads it anyways if ur bored

 

[-may-cat-]

Sorry guys, have gone from being very bored to ridiculously busy, don't have time to look at anymore, ask others.

 

[Ecco]

That's fine. You've already given me something (multiple things) to work on.
I really appreciate the feedback.

I'm yet to write 2 more stories by the end of the holidays. So I will keep in mind to focus on charactisation and thoughts as opposed to the general storyline/plot.

And Tully B - Thanks, I have used online translators a bit in the past and came to that conclusion also when someone that actually spoke the language looked over it.